Surgery....I'm Done....!!

Clinical School life have been moving so quickly I can't believe surgical posting's over and the toughest posting in sem 6...Internel Medicine...starts next week!!

I have to admit that switching from Family Med posting to Surgery was tough and it took some time for me to adapt with such busy schedules. It was pretty overwhelming at the beggining but thank God things soon got better with friends and helpful lecturers around.

The clinic and hospital environment are definitely 2 very different settings altogether. And to those people who still think that surgeons are just tailors or technicians and all they know is cutting open their patients...I can tell u for sure that you're very wrong!!

Here are some of the things I've experienced during my 7 week surgical posting:

1. I forgot most of my basic sciences from phase I and had to struggle to answer questions from lecturers "????"
2. Going to wards at night is super tiring!! Miss Family Med!!
3. Mamak-ing....Watching movies....Lepak-ing....FUN!!
4. We're not treating gallbladders or liver or lumps...we're treating people!! Patients!!
5. Good place for a quick nap before TBLs or CSUs....Student Lounge!!
6. PD Hospital is such a nice place....
7. Standing in OT for 3 hours....haih...Leg Pain d!!
8. Describing lumps..ulcers...swellings...Lipoma??Cyst??Attached to skin??Mobile??Arrgh!!
9. PD Hospital's OT is like a freezer...Super COLD!! Bcome ICE d...
10. Q:"Whats the difference between small gut and large gut??"... A:"Small gut is..SMALL; Large gut is...BIG!!"
11. Q:"What do you see on an X-ray??" A:"BLACK and WHITE!!"....reply,"You will survive!!"
12. Road trip to PD Hospital on my greenie car....a.k.a..."MiniBUS!!"
13. Simple surgical procedures can make a whole lot of change to a patient's well being
14. Surgeons do spend more time consulting patients than cutting them open.
15. Nature is the best healer and doctors just witness the events take place while collecting money.
16. Grilled by lecturers during case presentations until end of posting exam till no more sweat left....PHEW!!

Yes..I am relieved to have finished exams finally...but surgical posting turned out to be so much better than I thought it would be. I've learnt a lot from every surgeon whether the hospital staff or IMU lecturers...especially during case presentations although yea...leg also aching...back also painful...kena kutuk....but....these are the things that made it all interesting!!

Sad to say..its goodbye to surgery for now...and its back to square one with adapting to a new posting...Looking forward to this one though...Hopefully I'm right!!

CHaNGe...INeVitaBLe???

Change..either we look forward to it with open arms...or we are caught off guard causing turmoil in our lives.

Church life has been such a big part of my life as far as I can remember...and being active in ministry I grew a lot and got inspired a lot by many people I've come across with. Church life is so important that not going on any Sunday would seem really strange the rest of the week. And I enjoy the fellowship with both youths and adults I've known for many years.

Lately, I seem to be unable to accept the changes I see in the church. I've tried to keep an open mind to every explanation given both by church leaders and ministry leaders and placed hope in the promises made by them. But each time, I seem to be dissapointed and now I'm just lost.

Giving up being part of ministry for more than 6 months...church life seem to be even more distant. Its just so sad to be feeling this way when I thought church life is something that would never ever die at any point of my life. Coz it has made me who I am today. I grew up in this environment.

Why am I feeling lost or getting dissapointed so much?? Is it really wrong to have expectations for myself?? Expectations that I'd be growing and learning from church and ministry leaders?? Is God pushing me away from the ministry I've been in all this while?? How do I keep an open mind to change that I am only able to see negative outcomes?? Should I just let that happen?? Just give up?? Not bother??

Somehow...I have all the answers to those questions already. But I guess, I've not learnt to accept a lot of it yet. But I do know that there's a lot more laid ahead by God for me and my journey in life has barely begun. I just really hope that God would show me a new area of ministry soon which I can be passionate about again so that I wont feel so lost.

I guess..most importantly is seeking God's will in every change or decision made and to trust that any change that comes my way God is in control of it. I hope that I can find the objectiveness and total trust soon and release all the dissapointments and worries to Him. Time will tell and time will heal...

Surgical Week...An encounter I wont forget

I know I haven't been posting up anything lately...thats bcoz life's been really busy at Seremban

I never thought that I would have so little time in a day....so little that I even could not find time to shop for groceries at the beggining of the week. But well...I made it through alive a hectic week.

Although yea..it was pretty stressful and tiring coz we're expected to be on our toes with all our cases and medical knowledge when presenting to the doctor...I learnt a lot this week. Things that can never be found in books or quantified in any form of value.

Its so easy as medical students to want to get the best cases or the best patients to clerk and examine and learn from. To fight for opportunities in wards or wherever to do certain procedures under a doctor's supervision. To elicit positive signs on interesting patients. And I have to admit I was one of them. Time and time again during ward teachings, we were reminded to look beyond a disease or a clinical sign. But to look into people's hearts, emotions and reactions towards the disease and put ourselves in their shoes. Empathy....

But I encountered a lady...who had cancer, but she doesn't know it. I had to clerk her coz I was assigned that particular bed and I did. I got frustrated at the beggining coz I wasnt able to get a good history from her and she kept changing the topic. She got discharged soon enough and I thought...oh well, guess she's gone and I dont have to bother about her case anymore. After all the history I took from her wasnt complete.

The following week, she was admitted again. And I didnt want to clerk her again coz I know I failed to do a good job previously. But out of boredom at the wards, I chatted with her a bit and found out she was discharged just to do a scan outside. I asked my friend to clerk her and see if he could get a better history...and at that time she was more open to talking to us than before. Of course, she still changed the subject a lot.

As the week went on, we chatted with her until finally one day, I overheard that the surgeon was going to tell her that it was confirmed that she had cancer. I dont know if she was told to have cancer literally, but she knew there was a growth in her. And when we approached her after that, she shared with me her sadness and confusion.

I'd never thought that I would have such an encounter so fast, since I just started surgical. But yea...it taught me to be more humane and compassionate. I realised I was so caught up academically, I forgot why I wanted to be a doctor in the first place. It was an early wake up call I guess. So I took the opportunity to pray for her with my friend as she was a Christian. She was so thankful to us...but I think I was more thankful for her appearing in my life making me realise how selfish I've been.

I hope and pray the very best for her health and her family as they go through this bumpy road. But I believe no matter what God will bring her through. That I know for sure.

My FaB 21st...

I never thought or wanted my 21st birthday to be such a big deal. Although I do admit that when I was younger and watched friends older than me celebrating theirs with great parties, I wished I had one like that. But when it came to my turn...the feeling was gone. In fact, I didnt want anything out of it. All I want was a simple dinner with my family members and mayb later celebrate in a small scale with my friends.

But...I had the best birthday ever. It was way beyond what I expected.
To start, I had 3 birthday cakes. First was with my church youth friends...which was super fun as I celebrated with all the other October and November babies...

Then the highlight of my day, the dinner I had with my family. I called both my grandpas and my mum's siblings (all my aunts and uncles coz we usually hav dinner together on saturdays anyway). As most of you know, my grandpa (mum's dad) recovered from cancer not to long ago and has been having chronic back pain...was willing to stay awake (he usually sleeps by 6pm everyday), wear his best suit (he hardly dresses up, even when we go out for meals..he still wears his pyjamas) which he made my aunt prepare way before earlier in the day and join me and the rest of my family for dinner. Everyone, not only myself was so shocked and amazed with the effort he put in just to celebrate my 21st with me. My grandpa was never an affectionate person...but to see him making such an effort is so very rare although it may seem little.

What more can I ask for?? It definitely beats any birthday present or party I can ever throw. It was such a valuable moment which I hope I shall never ever forget or take for granted.

Furthermore, I had a bonus!! A 3rd celebration in Seremban!! My housemates and friends (Christabel, Iona, Baxter, Bee Yan, Johan and Nisha) surprised me with a beautiful jelly-like cake. Total of 3 celebrations on my 21st bday...what can beat that??

God never fail to amaze me as I grow and reach different phases of my life. Blessings that He gives are never limited but more than we can ever expect or imagine. What more can I ask for??

FaMiLY MeD

I've reached the 7th week of my family medicine posting which marks the end of this posting... Things seem to be moving really fast coz its feels like yesterday I was struggling with 1st phase exams wondering will I ever reach clinical school in Seremban. And...here I am...completing my 1st posting with exam coming up the week after Raya....

I've learnt a lot and seen a lot...Being grilled by the doctor each teaching session...
"What's your differential diagnosis for a patient with backache??"
"What are the medications for a patient with HPT??"
"What murmur is this??"
Looking at nurses dressing up diabetic wounds that are holes, so deep that u can see the flesh and even bone...clearing up the necrotic tissue by doing sloughing which is soo painful u wanna scream for the patient just by watching but guess wat?? Patient doesn't even feel a thing!! Coa they've loss the pain sensation due to diabetes. Performing ECGs and vision tests multiple times at the clinic till u get bored of it. Taking blood from pregnant mums (my patient complained it was painful to the other mothers and later on no one allowed us to do on them...SOBs) But at least I had one try =)
Begging patients to allow us to take their history or use them as our patients for learning...
Having to work on my cantonese and mandarin....so I can communicate with the patients better
Going to "Curry Leaf" or "RM3.50" shop for lunch...

Clinical school's definitely way more interesting than phase I but...of course, its tougher and more challenging in many ways. Learning to apply my knowledge clinically is still a challenge for me and I'm sure for everyone...but I'm glad that I'm growing to like this field more and more...
Exam's coming..Got assignments and reports to finish!! Arrgh!!

New Week...New Challenges...

Time really flies...It's now week 5 of clinicals and each day I learn something totally new. Tomorrow onwards I'm posted to the maternal and child health clinic where we're exposed to pregnant mums and babies. Get to see how check-ups are done for soon-to-be mums and tiny cute toddlers coming for follow-ups too. Going to be another cool and interesting week. Hope my growing interest will last and not die off...Haha!! Especially with exams around the corner.

On the other hand, I feel like I'm kinda struggling inside about an issue which I never thought I would have to struggle with, ever. Grown-ups and role models whom I look up to for years, people I thought I would like to be someday...just failed to be the people I thought they were. I mean even the place I hold close to my heart most of my life...one of the very few places that would never fail to make me feel safe...now, it takes effort for me to even wanna move my butt to go. I'm so confused with differentiating what's right and wrong now. The clarity I used to have seemed to be gone. I really hope that this wouldn't affect me spiritually coz so far it hasn't really.

How do you trust people again after they have failed you in some way?? Furthermore they may not even realise it or they're too caught up with they're own agenda. Do time really heal broken trust?? Now, to me, the only people I can trust are God and my family...**full stop** Isn't that sad?? I mean friendships cant be built or formed without trust. And I'm starting to give up on trusting most people around me. Will it continue?? Will I be able to get back my safe place?? Or do I have to look for a new safe place??

Home Is Where The Heart Is...

Today, my family had a thanksgiving dinner to celebrate my grandpa although yea...it was a Chinese one but so wat??Its thanksgiving!! His stomach CA was totally cleared by surgery...doc confirmed that it was only at the surface and although we delayed it for 2 months, my grandpa's already fully healed from surgery in less than a week. Amazing!! Praise God!! Never failed to answer my prayers...

Its already been a month since I moved in to my Seremban house. It the 1st time in my entire life I moved out from home although yea...I still go home and get to see my family on weekends. Ever since I've been in Seremban, home back in KL is such a treasure to me. When Thursday arrives...my heart wants to fly home as soon as possible. But once I'm home on Friday, Sunday appears in an instant flash and I have to drag my 2 feet back to Seremban.

In Seremban, I'm totally on my own. Although yes, I have housemates but...the warmth of my home...the security..."comfyness" of being in my familiar surrounding...just the presence of my family members whom I'm so used to having around is missing!! These were the things I took for granted before, but now...its something I treasure and look forward to a lot. I thought I was prepared. And physically I was!! My mum made sure I had everything. But like we always say... in life we can't have everything and I'm still lucky coz I still get to see my family each week unlike people overseas studying. But, its trully been a challenge for me.

I'm still learning to be strong on my own...to take care of myself both physically and mentally. So far I'm making progress, but its just so hard to push myself to go back to Seremban after returning home on weekends. It's a new week tomorrow...looking forward for Friday to come!!

First Week In Health Clinic....

Another week in the tiny town of Seremban has passed...and my weekend back home is also ending....**SOBS**New week's coming ahead..

Lifestyle here isnt much different than KL, just that its strange coz I'm living on my own... But I'm getting the hang of things although I've locked myself out of my room once and lost my car key...my mum had to drive up to send me the spare.

First weeek at the health clinic...very interesting...I've learnt a lot especially when attached to the IMU doc's teaching room...we look for patients at the out patient department and bring them to the IMU consultation room. Then we'll take history from the patient either on our own or in front of the doc. Later we'll also do physical examination on them under supervision by the doc. Doc will teach along the way and finally treat the patient like any other clinic consultation. So, its totally hands on teaching dealing with real patients.

Family Medicine docs are really nice and helpful in explaining stuff and teaching us how to take a good history for various common illnesses. Although we're grilled in everyway by loads of questions....it keeps us on our toes and not fall asleep halfway. I now have to read up on all the stuff I saw in the clinic...

Clinical phase is really interesting especially when it comes to learning...and there's someone to explain it all to you. The hard part is constantly being assesed even if we don't realised that we are. And each time the doc puts a higher expectation on us.

Things are definitely way more interesting at clinics..although socially, mine's still super dull unless I go out with my good friend whose my housemate. But in the end....its just soooo good to be back home....=P

First Week In Health Clinic....

Another week in the tiny town of Seremban has passed...and my weekend back home is also ending....**SOBS**New week's coming ahead..

Lifestyle here isnt much different than KL, just that its strange coz I'm living on my own... But I'm getting the hang of things although I've locked myself out of my room once and lost my car key...my mum had to drive up to send me the spare.

First weeek at the health clinic...very interesting...I've learnt a lot especially when attached to the IMU doc's teaching room...we look for patients at the out patient department and bring them to the IMU consultation room. Then we'll take history from the patient either on our own or in front of the doc. Later we'll also do physical examination on them under supervision by the doc. Doc will teach along the way and finally treat the patient like any other clinic consultation. So, its totally hands on teaching dealing with real patients.

Family Medicine docs are really nice and helpful in explaining stuff and teaching us how to take a good history for various common illnesses. Although we're grilled in everyway by loads of questions....it keeps us on our toes and not fall asleep halfway. I now have to read up on all the stuff I saw in the clinic...

Clinical phase is really interesting especially when it comes to learning...and there's someone to explain it all to you. The hard part is constantly being assesed even if we don't realised that we are. And each time the doc puts a higher expectation on us.

Things are definitely way more interesting at clinics..although socially, mine's still super dull unless I go out with my good friend whose my housemate. But in the end....its just soooo good to be back home....=P

Rollercoaster???

This week was a roller coaster ride. It was filled with highs and lows.
Although I'm feeling tired at home right now, it just feels so nice and safe to be home.

I've learnt a lot this week, both in the sense of my studies and life itself. I'm glad that I've learnt a lot about my current posting in family medicine although it was just through lectures which got pretty boring at times.

Grandpa's operation went well and so its such a relief. Everyone's relieved too although to them the worst is yet to come. Although he's still drowsy and would only b expected to recover in a week's time, the complications we were all worried about didnt present itself. So I thank God and everyone for their well wishes and concern and prayers.

I got hurt and upset by an incident this week involving friendship which I wanna move on from therefore I dont wanna put in any details about it. All I can say is that, the incident like my dad said was a learning experience for me although it involves hurt. I dun wanna run away just like that but I wanna pick myself up and move head on with my ambition. That would be my main priority in my new life away from home and not anything else.

At the end of the day, I liked what my lecturer told me. Every night at the end of the day, we should be thankful, pray, reflect, make a point to change according to the lessons we've learnt from the day. Rollercoasters make life interesting and life never has smooth sailing paths to follow. Nevertheless I shall not fear nor give up coz I have God, my Heavenly Father and also my family.

Good News...

After all the on going discussions, finally a decision was made to send my grandpa to do the EUS (electroultrasonography) and thank God the cancer is still at its initial stage although it has sort of moved a little.

And now, the talk among my aunts and uncles are chaging. There's a strong indication now that they to have become in favour of a surgery being done for my grandpa. Finally!! What a relief!!
Although nothing has been confirmed yet, this change is a good sign. There's a chance!!
So talks now would focus on surgery cost and aftercare for my grandpa. Praise God!!

Life in C206 Seremban...

During Phase I of med school I always dreamed of quickly passing sem 5 and moving on to clinical phase. After overcoming challenge after challenge in Phase I, I thought no challenge can scare me anymore since sem 5 was already so hard.
But lo, and behold!! Welcome to Clinical School life in Seremban!! Great!! New place...new environment...sounds so cool and exciting!!

Well, after a week's orientation...the hype of it all has been washed away like a huge tsunami drowning all excitement and turning it to fear.
One simple mistake made by any student especially matters regarding punctuality, dress code and attendance are made known to the entire faculty of the school including the librarian.
School hours now equal working hours unlike previously where lecs were only 2 hours a day.
Everything involves independence where any form of guidance is limited to the very minimum.
Being a freshie there is no fun at all. Lots of tasks to prepare for.
The worst part is the fear of our teachers, the doctors. Having to make sure we give a good impression to the very detail of the way we dress from the very 1st day is how strict things are there. Most of there are pretty cold although seniors mentioned that most of the doctors are pretty nice.

Having a months break I've forgotten a whole bulk of stuff especially my clinical skills. That isnt helping at all and next week the torture begins. Talk about having no life in phase I...Look at Phase II!! Everyone's so busy there that there's no societies or clubs in the uni at all. The work load from sem6 itself is so heavy, imagine progressing to the next semesters with increasing difficulty levels.

Positively, learning will definitely become way more interesting as we will be able to see the real stuff instead of plastic models and pictures in books. A chance to get to know my shrunken batch much better is something I look forward to. Plus, got yummy food in Seremban...my favourite Hakka mee, beef noodles and siew pau....life isnt that miserable la. Just challenging and scary!!

But being tested and pushed out of my comfort zone has been a challenge I've been looking for and I believe this is what God is putting me through to mould me to be both a better person and doctor. So, just take every challenge one at a time....and be prepared lo!!=p

Life in C206 Seremban...

During Phase I of med school I always dreamed of quickly passing sem 5 and moving on to clinical phase. After overcoming challenge after challenge in Phase I, I thought no challenge can scare me anymore since sem 5 was already so hard.
But lo, and behold!! Welcome to Clinical School life in Seremban!! Great!! New place...new environment...sounds so cool and exciting!!

Well, after a week's orientation...the hype of it all has been washed away like a huge tsunami drowning all excitement and turning it to fear.
One simple mistake made by any student especially matters regarding punctuality, dress code and attendance are made known to the entire faculty of the school including the librarian.
School hours now equal working hours unlike previously where lecs were only 2 hours a day.
Everything involves independence where any form of guidance is limited to the very minimum.
Being a freshie there is no fun at all. Lots of tasks to prepare for.
The worst part is the fear of our teachers, the doctors. Having to make sure we give a good impression to the very detail of the way we dress from the very 1st day is how strict things are there. Most of there are pretty cold although seniors mentioned that most of the doctors are pretty nice.

Having a months break I've forgotten a whole bulk of stuff especially my clinical skills. That isnt helping at all and next week the torture begins. Talk about having no life in phase I...Look at Phase II!! Everyone's so busy there that there's no societies or clubs in the uni at all. The work load from sem6 itself is so heavy, imagine progressing to the next semesters with increasing difficulty levels.

Positively, learning will definitely become way more interesting as we will be able to see the real stuff instead of plastic models and pictures in books. A chance to get to know my shrunken batch much better is something I look forward to. Plus, got yummy food in Seremban...my favourite Hakka mee, beef noodles and siew pau....life isnt that miserable la. Just challenging and scary!!

But being tested and pushed out of my comfort zone has been a challenge I've been looking for and I believe this is what God is putting me through to mould me to be both a better person and doctor. So, just take every challenge one at a time....and be prepared lo!!=p

LEttiNG Go...=(

These thoughts keep popping up in my head...is my grandpa's fate sealed that way?? That he shall not find out bout his condition and hopefully live his life to the fullest with our help?? Is that how things should be??
My mum says that I should learn to let things I care a lot about go...coz I hold it too tight sometimes. Can I let him go when it comes?? How do I see him week after week and pretend like there isnt anything really wrong with him when his health deteriorates?? What do I say to him when he asks me why isnt he getting better??
Do we as the family members really have the right to decide for our loved one's life?? They're sending him for EUS (electro-ultrasonography) next week to do some further checking but looking at things....I dun seem to see a point in doing it.
Why bother investigating when ur not doing anything?? Do we really have such right??
I dun think I can accept what its being done and when the time comes for him to go...I dunno if I can let my grandpa go...But...for now, I'm just numb with everything despite the questions running through my mind.
**Its not like neither me nor my mum have any choice anyway**

A THoRN STicKinG into My HeaRT...

I just can't seem to accept this. The family has decided by majority that no surgery should be done for my grandpa and therefore he wont know his condition.
I've learnt that the cancer is at its initial stage and based on advises we've accumulated, a surgery would probably give him a better quality and there's a high chance for recovery.
But, after a family discussion...majority would not want a surgery to be done. Reason being that according to them, surgery isnt everything and that the aftercare would be hard on my grandpa and my aunties. My grandpa may not recover from the surgery or even his constant pain as he's already so weak.

Is it our choice to make?? It involves my grandpa's life!! Shouldn't he be given a say in all of this?? There's a chance that with surgery, they can remove the cancer and the pain his suffering should go away. I know that even if we tell him, we will not mention that he has cancer but that there's just something in his tummy which needs to be removed surgically.
There's still HOPE!! What are the odds that someone knows that he has cancer at an early stage?? Most ppl find out when its at an end stage. Shouldn't we be grasping this opportunity?? Isnt this a more logical decision rather than not doing anything and claiming that it would give my grandpa a better quality of life???

Its not like he's any better right now...I mean if we dun do anything his health is garaunteed to go downhill...Isnt that like putting a death sentence on someone??? I'm not puzzled...I'm not confused...I know clearly what both parties are considering.

But at the end of the day, what I'm trully feeling inside is sadness for my grandpa. If the decision made stays, I really dunno how I'll be able to accept everything or even face him. I'm scared of whats to come with his health. I cant imagine a better quality of life the rest of the family promised by doing nothing. How do move from there?? Is this decision really that logical??

BouNTiFuL BLeSSiNGs...

I shall testify in this post that God indeed doesn't just bless us with what we want or need but He blesses us with more than we ask or need. I shall never ever doubt Him no matter what coz He does answer prayers!!

3 months ago I was at a depressing point in my life...everything seemed to fall apart one by one. I got burnt out with serving in church, stressed out for final exam of phase I, found out grandpa had cancer...I felt just sooo very tired bout everything. It was so bad that I wanted to give up even before sitting for my exams. I thought things could never get better coz everything started to overwhelm me in everyway...physically, mentally and spiritually. All I did then was ask God, "Please show me Your lighted path laid for me to follow...show me a way out or a light through all these darkeness. Grant me the assurance that things will get better and not worse anymore."

And well...3 months have gone now...so very quickly and I still cant believe how fast time whoooshes pass...I'm graduating from 1st phase of med school this Sat. I had the time of my life with my friends with trips to Genting, Penang and the best...Redang Island!! Plus a chance to hang out with all my dear friends during this 1 month break.

Then my grandpa...although it was a scary time for my mum and her siblings, his hypoglycemic episode which actually made him comatosed somehow caused him to give up the sleeping tablets which we were all so concerned about coz he was addicted to it. Finally!! And after 2nd opinion with one of the top docs...surgery has a good prognosis and recovery should go well coz his cancer's at an early stage. There is Hope!! They were all blessings in disguise..although it hasnt been totally resolved yet. BUT...we have Hope!!

With all these blessings poured upon me and my family...how can I not start to heal spiritually?? I mean God is so Awesome!! So what if I was burnt out??He has blessed me with a great rest... helped me pass my toughest exam ever and gave my family and I hope that my grandpa can recover.

I now feel like the luckiest person ever...I just hope that now, I will have the strength and refreshed mind to face new challenges ahead at Seremban clinical school. All glory and praise goes to You...God Almighty!!

THe BeGGiNinG To An EnD...

Haaaaah....!!! Such a relief....I passed Sem 5!! I actually did complete Phase I of Med School... All that I've achieved...is a blessing from God. Every step of the way, from struggling through pre-u till entering med school and finally surviving phase I, God guided me through and all the successes I've had I could never have done without Him.

Despite dreading last month bout how things were going, God has started to answer my prayers. I do realise that not everything will go my way, but I do see Him turning things for the better.

My grandpa's case on a medical point of view is trully great news as his condition is only at an early stage so rightfully it should have good prognosis with surgery. But of course, everyone's still hesitant coz it would cause him to loose his quality of life. There are some other tiny options floating around but nothing is confirmed yet to be trully effective. I think the toughest part isn't on me but on my aunts and uncles coz they hav to deal with all his "rollercoaster" emotions. His tantrums....his joy...his frustrations and depression. Not an easy person to handle. Of course, in addition to all that...there's still many more stuff to consider like his kidney condition...so we're hoping for the best la and trying to make him as comfy as possible at the moment.

Thanks for all the concern and prayers...I trully appreciate it!!

Now, I have clinical school to look forward to and its gonna be a whole new world for me... So, Hope For The Best!!

Do BaD THiNGs ReaLLY HaPPeN iN THReeS??

I think this month has been one of the toughest months I've had for quite some time...
I suppose it came unexpectedly coz I was caught off-guard having life laid out so easy for me all along..I'm not complaining about life being easy...in fact, I'm thankful to God for such blessings.

First my grandpa (my dad's father who lives with me) fell sick with pneumonia and he somehow got depressed. He didn't want to eat properly...all he ate was bread and porridge which worried my parents and I. He was tired a lot and didn't really want to move from his chair. He was very negative and trying to talk him out of depression and encourage him took a lot of effort for all of us at home. I was getting tired of it...but thank God, he soon recovered bit by bit and soon he was himself again. All of us were so thrilled.

Then came the definiting factor for my first phase in med school. Passing EOS 5. I was behind time and had to resort to burning midnight oil for the past 2-3 weeks. When the time came to sit for the exam, I lost my confidence. At least I thought I did. I think I did badly and all I can do now is pray and hope for a PASS!! Which I'm in soooo desperate need of....

Finally, just after exam...I heard a confirmation about my other grandpa's (my mum's father) conditon. He was at 1st diagnosed with peptic ulcer, but the biopsy results came out positive for infiltrative moderately differentiated adenocarcinoma of the stomach at a few areas. Why?? Why is it happening??Isnt it enough that he already gone through a previous history of oral cancer??
The worst thing is that the surgery would be a high risk one coz my grandpa's kidney is on the verge to renal failure. And so, my aunts and uncle decided to not opt for any surgery but allow my grandpa to live the rest of his days to the fullest. When the magnitude of what was happening hit me...I could feel my heart melt. I just can't imagine how things in the future be like.

This is the one time in my life I just wish the future wouldn't come...at the very least not so soon. Will things get better? I hope it does.

I know that all I can do is pray and trust that God will bring me and the rest my family through the saddest and most difficult period ahead...I know that God will help...and so I pray and hope that He will grant us all strength, wisdom and most of all love as we move onwards.

PRe-EOS 5 STReSS

Exam....Exam...Exam....One after the other...and when you hear this word...the next word you would immediately come up with is Stress...Stress...Stress...
Its Pre-End of Semester Exam Season....The nightmare of all nightmares in Phase I of Med School...The expectations of excelling or even the HOPE to PASS is simply unbearable!!
Can't believe time's slipping off my fingers in such a fast manner...so fast that...its a struggle to figure a way to finish studying. How??
I think everyone in Sem 5 would like to know the solution to this. Truth is...we can only do the best we can. CNS test was bad enough. Just hope finals won't be like that. Or else...I'm just sooo....dead!!
Arrrggghhh!!!!!

BuRNT OuT???

Being burnt out...or feeling so tired about everything going on around you. So much that all you wanna do is just shut yourself out from everything and lock yourself in a room alone. NOT talking about studies.

I never thought that this would happen to me. NEVER!! How can someone feel burnt out doing the things he or she loves a lot and it has been a really big part of her life?? How did I reach this level of just wanting to give up, not bother and just leave??

Maybe it has been coming. I dont know. I suppose I never allowed myself to feel anything besides pushing myself, each time I've been shut down to keep on going and let myself be heard or just continue doing all that I could. But why the feeling of giving up, the one thing I'd never thought would even cross my path overwhelmed me? How did I become so frustrated, fed up, tired, or even sad?

The most blessed part of this was God showed me that He blessed me with 2 great people in my life. My mum & dad!! After so long of supressing my deepest feelings unintentionally, they finally helped me to let all the stuff in me come out. They were understanding and helped me clear up all my confusions and frustrations.

I think that God is trying to tell me that I'm only human. I'm not a super being that can save everything and everyone although its what I want to do. Life isn't that way. I need to depend on Him and Him alone. He's the strong one. And I'm the weak one but He can empower me and work through me. So, I'm taking time off. I'm doing the things I didnt have the chance to do before. Spend my weekends hanging out with my friends...watching movies...and its fun!!

***DuST***

It just hit me watching this DVD published by NOOMA (dunno what it stands for) during MYF CG yesterday...The guy, Rob Bell...He used the context of Jesus walking on water to illustrate this simple yet amazing point which I think I've forgotten about and hit me right at my face.

He started with explaining how high a Rabbi was looked upon by the people in those days and that the best of the best of the best of all the students who memorised books of the old testament till Malachi were in line to be chosen as Rabbis....Memorising so many texts!! I know I can never ever do that!!
And then these students will look for the Rabbi they would like to take after and they would be tested by the Rabbi on the books they have memorised. According to Rob Bell, the Rabbi not only look at how well the student memorises the books but he also chooses his disciple based on whether the student could be like him.
Jesus was considered a Rabbi...He was a teacher and who did he choose to be his disciples?? Was it the best of the best of the best?? No!! It was fishermen...and not very good ones too...But Jesus chose them and believed that they would be like him someday...Can you believe that??

Coming back to the part of Jesus walking on water... when the disciples saw Jesus walking on water whom they thought at first was a ghost but then realised it was their Rabbi...Peter one of His disciples followed Him to walk on water towards Jesus. While he was walking a wind came and he got scared and started to sink!! And screamed for Jesus to help him and Jesus said "You man of little faith!! Why did you doubt??"

This was the part that hit me...I always thought Peter sank because he didnt have faith in Jesus. But Rob Bell explained it differently. Peter wasn't doubting Jesus coz he followed what Jesus did. Walking on water when all the other disciples didnt do so. He believed in Jesus. But when the wind came he sank because it was at that time he doubted NOT Jesus but HIMSELF!!

So the conclusion was...yes we need to have faith in Jesus and believe in Him but do we realise that Jesus already believed and trusted in us?? That we can do amazing things and be like Jesus?? To be perfect like Him??Disciples follow after the Rabbi and are usually covered in his dust. And so we are all Jesus' disciples...and He called us and believes in us...but do we believe in ourselves to be in Jesus' **DUST**??

HiGH or LoW...??

I think I've been in a low point for a while now but I just didnt realize. You know, the feeling of just living everyday like a block of wood...waiting for the world and everything or everyone in it to just pass you by. Or maybe like a robot...just doing all the routine stuff with no inner emotions towards anything. Maybe I'm in a dry spell....

Why am I at this point?? Why am I feeling this way?? Have I lost my passion or the fire within me?? Have I distant myself from God and that's why I'm feeling lost?? Or am I just simply worn out?? Can anyone give me an answer?? What's going on with me?? Is it stress?? I dont know!!!

Nothing seems to be going the way it always has been... it just doesn't feel right. I seem to feel lost everywhere including areas of my life which I had so much passion and love for. But now... I've given them up!! I don't even know if its the right decision. I let it go with a heavy heart.

Honestly, I'm not doing well with my studies either...always getting distracted by other things... my finals is in 2 months time and I have a whole lump of notes to cover including the current stuff I'm learning. Will I be prepared??

I know all that I've said depends a lot on myself...and maybe God is finally putting me through some hard time as a test. Maybe things will improve later on..
All I know is that I'm constantly reminding myself of God's promise that He'll always be there for me no matter what and all I have to do is ask from Him and I'll receive. Plus, I still have a supportive family and close friends that still encourage me in some ways although they don't realize it.

I guess the only thing I can do is live my life to the best I can and trust and wait on God to help me through my struggles.

A LiFe oF GRaTiTuDe...

When life gets hard...when we start to feel drained both physically and emotionally...when we reach a low point or a temporary gloomy period...we start to feel dissatisfied with our lives. We start to question why life's like that or we start looking for worldly things to satisfy ourselves.
Sometimes for no reason...we feel detached from everyone else. We feel sadness deep in our hearts all of a sudden. But all these emotions are not bcoz of one event. It has been pilling up inside us for some time and we're not aware of it.

However, its during these low points we need to have the heart of gratitude. I read an article which says when we're dissatisfied with our lives especially when it gets hard, we need to list down as many things we can be thankful for as possible. "A Life of Gratitude!!" And plus when I heard this song, "Indescribable" by Chris Tomlin... personally, my spirits were liven up...and I realised, Yea!! God Is Trully Amazing in Everyway!! Ways that seem so small, yet they're so great and beautiful. So, what low point is there when I have an Amazing God by my side??

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea

Creation's revealing Your majesty

From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring

Every creature unique in the song that it sings

All exclaiming

Indescribable, uncontainable,

You placed the stars in the sky

and You know them by name.

You are amazing God

All powerful, untamable,

Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim

You are amazing God

Indescribable, uncontainable,

You placed the stars in the sky

and You know them by name.

You are amazing God

Incomparable, unchangeable

You see the depths of my heart

and You love me the same

You are amazing God

You are amazing God

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go

Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow

Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light

Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night

None can fathom

Diabetic Nephropathy

After my visit to the NKF centre (National Kidney Foundation) last year during sem 4... I told myself, "Thank God so far none of my close family members have to go through dialysis!".
I guess I spoke too soon.

Recently, I got to know that my grandpa's kidneys are heading towards failure. We had some sort of a scare previously when his urine test was abnormal. But it was soon cleared by the doctor that it wasn't really significant.

But after seeing the doctor again coz his leg was swollen, it was finally confirmed that his kidneys were in a pre-failure stage which is associated with the diabetes he had for about 10 years already.
What does it mean then??

Well...for an old man who had gone through a tough time of chemo- and radiotherapy for his oral cancer...being diagnosed with this thing now...I really don't know!!
Having some knowledge about what comes after being diagnose with a condition like this, just make me foresee many things my grandpa would not be able to do.
1. Strict diet (He lives to eat!!Plus he has no saliva and it has been already hard on him.)
2. Drugs, drugs and more drugs....who likes taking meds??
3. What about the other complications of diabetes?? Already he doesn't walk properly!!
4. Worst part: Dialysis phase!! Having to visit that place 3 times a week!! Relying on a machine
to clear our body's waste!! Feeling sick most of the time!!
As a med student, this is what I feel is going to happen...and I realise that well, no matter how much we hope to stay young and healthy with no illnesses....our body itself would one day reach its expiry stage. Its all part of life's cycle.

Its just that taking care of an elderly person is never easy and I'm sure soon my mum, aunts and uncles would be carrying even heavier loads, which I hope that they would be prepared by then.
The only thing a doctor can do is to help delay the failure process but knowing my grandpa who's a typical incompliant patient, its not going to be any easier.

I just think that its really hard to see someone you love suffer...but there's always this voice in me that constantly reassures me that I have a very close knit family and the support we have for one another is strong enough to handle this challenge. There's nothing anyone can do except to help my grandpa through the upcoming stages. And definitely, I believe God will also be there to help my grandpa and the rest of us.
This thing just reminds me to always cherish and appreciate the people around me and not take any of them for granted.

Life During MSK isn't getting any easier...

After slacking for so long...returning back to life as a medical student has been really hard. Plus, life in sem5 isnt getting any easier.
Classes...spread out through the whole day. From morning till evening, with hospital visits and clinical teaching sessions in between...energy seems to be drained constantly from my body. Feel tired all the time...and even with extra sleep...I just cant get up in the mornings.
How nice if I'm like the energizer bunny that doesnt need rest and I can like study and also be mentally prepared for all my lessons.
I'm still finding my way through tackling this system and also fitting in revision time for my finals in July too!! Finals!! The scariest exam of all!! Only 3 months left...
At the same time...Can't wait for the ball next Sat...Hopefully it'll be really fun!!

Really hope to just stuff my head with studying only and nothing else...Hopefully i'll succeed in doing that!! =p

A LeSSoN LeaRnT ThE HaRD WaY...

Everyone hates feeling helpless in any situation unless you're craving for attention. Well, today I encountered something that did make me feel helpless.
Driving to kickboxing class at Hartamas, my car started overheating...I started to panic but tried to the max to remain calm. Luckily saw a parking space and I parked there. I got out of my car to check. I was clueless about cars so I called my mum. She told me to let the car cool and then check the water level in the radiator.
Well...after waiting a while, I tried to open it...but I was scared to open it. So i decided to just walk to the kickboxing centre and hav my class first.
After class, I checked it again..and I still didnt have the guts to open the cap which says, "Do Not Open! Caution! Hot!" So I saw another cap...it was connected to the radiator cap anyway... so I filled it up. I was totally scared but I had no choice...my brother was of no help...coz he was blurer than I was and all I could think of was HOME!!
Tried to drive home...and my car smelt like burning...and it died...in the middle of the road.
I was terrified and the drivers behind me weren't of any help...they hon me like crazy with angry faces. I finally managed to start it again...and made my way to the main road outside my housing area where this time, it just wouldn't move anymore.
Called my parents and they finally came. Turns out...I was stupid enough to fill up the wrong cap..the danger cap was the right one. The one I was afraid to open.
I always hate feeling helpless...I always want to be confident in what I do. But ever since I got into med school and today's incident...my pride has been tested many, many times.
I think that it also applies to our relationship with God. We being human tend to want to be independent. We want to feel confident, powerful, admired and so we would do anything to make sure we feel that way. But being human, we also fall into the world of helplessness. It is then we realise that in the end, despite how much we try to protect ourselves...God is the only One who can protect us from anything. We realise that we need God. We start to turn to Him for help just like my situation today. I thought I could handle things without my parents. But I couldn't. I needed them in the end coz they know whats best. Its the same with God. He will always be there for us, even when we think we don't need Him. He will still be faithful to us, waiting for us to turn our eyes upon Him.

SKiN...

How do you comfort and assure the person you love that everything will be as good as new again when that can never happen?? How would you then convince him to take care of himself better when it only seemed to get worse each time?? Although it isnt something life threatening, but its making him feel helpless, uncomfortable and a burden to others.

That person's my grandpa. To many people they see it as him having, skin problems. Easy diagnosis? Not a big deal? Definitely NOT!! Yes, he does have skin problems but how do you take care of skin that's so fragile that even with the slightest knock on anything would cause a deep cut that bleeds for days?? How do you make a skin that's so thin and dry moist and healthier again, so that it doesn't cause itchiness or redness all over his body??

I know and understand that its all part of the aging process. But as you're older, you would prefer a more routined lifestyle and its never easy for an old man to adapt easily to any changes like us. So, each time when I or my parents check his skin, and we find areas of redness and scratch scars... it kinda upsets my grandpa and he'll try with all his might to hide those feelings.

I think that the thing that's troubling him the most is that he feels helpless and a burden to us the family members for having to take care of him in such a delicate way and yet, the skin problem isn't getting better. What made things worse was the petroleum jelly we used to help with his skin cant be used now coz, his skin over-sensitive to it now and we need special type of creams.

Many people think that its soo easy to handle something like that. All they could help with was giving comments like, "Why don't you try this cream?" I know they mean well and all but it makes me frustrated, bcoz how can it be so simple? If it was that easy, my grandpa's skin would have recovered long ago.

When I see my grandpa look so down and discouraged...I really feel like helping him take that load which I myself don't understand 100%. I just hope and pray that God will be his comfort and he'll soon be able to live with it, and learn to take care of himself better so he won't feel so helpless or a burden anymore.

OaSiS 2

After doing a bit of quieting down and reflection...I found that I've learnt some things 2nite...Things that I think woke me up again from the dryness I've been feeling lately...
1. God has blessed MYF tremendously, a great bunch of youths who would always work together no matter how hard the workload maybe, with no hesitations.
2. A great night of praise, where youths enjoy fellowshipping with God and each other
3. 2 youth groups starting to bridge with one another
4. Being frustrated for being let down shouldn't be a barrier for me to keep my passion to serve alive
5. God restored my passion to serve again
6. God works wonders when His children put their heart and soul into doing His work
7. Always focus on the positive and not the negative

Somehow I felt refreshed tonight...after feeling sorta dry for some time...
And when I reflected on all that had happened on this long day...I find that God never ceases to amaze me...I hope He would continue to open my eyes and heart to even more exciting and amazing stuff!!
All Praise & Glory to God the Most High!!

CoNFuSeD: Am I doing the right thing??

I know its the 2nd blog in the same early hours of the morning...but this is kinda bothering me

I just smsed a friend to not call or sms me anymore...

I've known this person since secondary school and being new and naive I was so happy that someone would actually try to be friends with me... But then, as time went by I realised that she wanted things from me which I could never, ever, possibly in my entire life give her.

However, I was soo insecure with myself at that time..I couldn't bear loosing a friend as I was new and didn't have that many friends in school. Plus, I liked the attention I was getting. Someone for once looking up to me.
I quickly realised that it was wrong to even think that way. That isn't me at all...That isn't what I've been brought up to be!

So, I made the decision to be a good friend. A friend that she could rely on. And well, she did really make full use of it. Calling me every night. Pouring out her problems which I think she exaggerates a lot just to get my attention. My guts tell me that she's taking advantage of my naiveness but well..I ignore it and thought I could change her.

I was sooo wrong...and soon I was relieved when she finished secondary school and I wont have to see her in school anymore. But she still does call me and try coming back to school to look for me. I remember making tons of excuses to get away.
Finally, its my turn to finish sec school and I moved on to continue with college and then uni.

Being busy and all she couldn't call me so much and therefore calling me was like twice a year thing. But everytime she calls...and when I show her some concern, she makes full use of it..and I get phone calls everyday for the week telling me about being sad, depressed, misunderstood, anything you can think of.

One night, I finally had the guts to tell her off that I can never talk to her or give her whatever she wants. And asked her not to call me.

And this year..being stupid, I smsed her a CNY wish...and Woosh!! She thought that we could be close again like before. And having a handphone was such a pain! Calling me and smsing me everyday... telling me that she's down...she's sad...I can't believe her anymore. I just couldn't stand it!! I can't deal with her!! I can't even get myself to confront her and talk to her on the phone when she called me!! I thought she grew up too like me and she would be different!! She never did!!

So when she smsed me again...just like every night now...I replied her sms telling her not to call me anymore that I'm uncomfortable talking to her and even requested for my number to be deleted.

I know that she's in need of a person to give her the attention she never had and all but she scares me a lot...I feel so bad right now....feel so guilty...I'm feeling guilty of having a sense of relief from having to deal with her everyday. I can't help but feel relieved. Am I a cruel person? Am I a bad person and friend? Coz I really don't want to be that kind of person...I really didn't want to hurt her!!

FaMiLY

I can't believe it!! It just suddenly hit me...although I was reminded a week ago.
Today...well, technically its yesterday since I'm posting my blog at 2am...
Its been exactly 7 years since my grandma passed away...
I could recall almost everything that happened on that day...and I'm quite surprised actually that I miss her sooo much...
In remembrance of her, I had dinner at my uncle's house together with my grandaunt (my grandma's sister) and of course with the rest of my family.
All I could think of when it hit me was...look at my life throughout that 7 years and what God has brought me through...I really so wished that my grandma was with me and looking at what I've accomplished so far...how far I've grown...I even wonder if she misses me too....
Its always touchy moments like this...I always feel like the luckiest person in the world...
I mean...I have such a great family...although I admit that relationship with family members are never always sweet and nice. But whenever I reflect on the core part of my relationship with my family members, it always give me that warmth and tingly feeling inside. It somehow never fails to make me feel contented with my life.
And I always would be reminded then not to take any of them for granted especially when things get hard...or disagreements may come up.
I really thank God for blessing me with a great family who have showered all the love and support and encouragement on me for the past 20 years of my life and I know they will continue to do so...I am the luckiest person in the world!!No doubt about it!!

My CNY 2006!!

This is my 50th Post...Yay!!

I'm sitting at home right now...hiding away from having to entertain guests...my relatives from Klang...like every Chinese New Year they would do their normal visit to my house coz my grandpa lives with us.

This year's CNY I think was the most boring of all... I still remember when I was little... CNY would be something I really get excited about...shopping for new clothes, getting ang pows... meeting relatives whom I only see once a year...and of course, friends....

But now... it has somehow become a routine. Although yea...it was good to meet with my relatives at least once a year....and omigosh!! I was called Aunty already!!NO!!

Despite the feeling of "boringness"....I still like CNY coz families actually would go the extra mile during this period to meet with relatives and friends whom they have not met for a while like mine.
So wish everyone a great CNY and a great holiday too!! May 2006 be a prosperous and joyfull year ahead!!

"OASiS"

"Oasis" is a place where people living in the desert desperately draw every single drop of water they could get to quench their thirst. And God is like the water and we are the desert people desperately insearch of something that would quench the desires of our lives. Thats why MYF's youth celebration's called OASIS.
The turn out of the 1st Oasis was really good...and what the speaker, Annette talked about how we tend to think about our lives are so true. And one of the examples she gave just nailed how I felt lately.

I felt like serving in church was too much and I was fearful that church would become a distraction for me from my studies. I felt that week after week, serving in church, being active like I always am made me feel even more empty inside.
I thought it was because my heart wasnt in tune with God and I was probably distracted by other stuff... I really dont know what was going on inside me. So, I pushed myself. Like Anette said...I pushed and squeeze everything in me to worship and serve Him in everyway I could, trying to put my heart and soul into it too...but still...I felt empty

I really dont know what to do...I still am feeling it...Maybe I didnt worship God hard enough? Maybe I didnt surrender myself totally? I really dont know.

But now as I'm sitting in my room thinking about it all...I feel that assurance that God does know how I trully feel deep inside and to just hang on to him. I did feel refreshed after the worship and all but I think I'm still trying to work these things out.

I'm a person who's more of do-er (action) and most of the time try not to feel bcoz I always fear of getting hurt, which so far this statement does work for me. But when I got into MYF and became closer with everyone there, I learnt that God put emotions or feelings for a reason which is definitely not to make us get hurt. He placed it in us so that He can connect with us is such a deep manner that words can't even describe it. Its that tingly feeling, the warmth and the inner joy when the Holy Spirit fills my heart. I always believed that putting things into action is more worthwhile and how I feel in not necessary. But I'm wrong! Now...day by day, I'm learning to open myself up both to God and the people around me. Not to open up just by surface but my whole self. To share my very true self with everyone and maybe someday God would use me to touch someone's life.

I know its long and all but..I'm learning about my deeper feelings each day...and hopefully these feelings of emptiness will be filled someday. I definitely would continue praying coz I know that God never fails me or anyone..

I HaTe ReNaL SyStEm!!

Just after a nice week's break...and now Woosh!! Its end of renal system which is scheduled to last for only 3 weeks and exams like next friday!!

*SOBS* So not prepared yet...struggling to finish studying...everythings in such a rush... plus being one of the tougher systems doesn't help either

Got sick last week and hoping to fully recover soon...Hopefully I'll be able to get through this... and the rest of the semester....Back to my books again....Haih.....

My MiSeRaBLe DaY...

Yesterday I got an sms from my friend...her mum whom I mentioned before finally passed away as her liver failed from breast cancer that spread to the liver and pelvic bone...Its kinda cruel to look at it this way...but finally my friend would have a closure from hanging on to her mum whom we all know has been terminally ill for the past few months. She can now close this part of her life and begin a new journey but of course with the memory of her parents in her.

Out of everything that has happened...I trully admire my friend's strength and determination to pick herself up and carry the responsibilities of her parents to take care of her younger sister and also continue to complete her studies...

Today...I was miserable...couldn't sleep properly the previous night and my flu reached it peak making me feel unwell and miserable...
I saw the doctor in the morning...but I knew I have a bacterial flu coz I was trying to check my own sore throat the previous night...He said I had all the signs of influenza..so antibiotics...

Later, when I reached uni for lessons...omigosh!! The skin beneath my left eye swell up..it looked hideous!! Didn't know wat to do...but got no choice...so I tried avoiding talking to anyone and went straight for PBL...After PBL I called my mum and went home so that she could drive me back to see the doctor again.

Omigosh...it was a different doctor at the clinic and this old man...has no bedside manners at all!! Talk about learning behavioural science and learning to put patients interest first...any student in IMU would be better than him anyday..plus, he supposed to be a lecturing doctor in a public medical uni...

He even criticised me for being concerned bout the swelling on my eye...and all IMU FEMALE students are pampered!! I was like...wats ur problem? And before I left his "advice" to me was..."Behave Yourself!!"...???Wat does that mean??I dunno??He's such a weirdo and never in my life I'm gonna see him again neither would I want to be in the same uni he's lecturing in...

Intimidated by an old man...so called lecturing and experienced doctor...he's worse than HOUSE M.D. He couldn't even tell me whats the cause of my swelling...and I myself could come up with one...Its just my unlucky day to meet a doctor like him!!