Post KKB Syndrome

Wow!! After all the excitement and fun of this week....I'm already starting to miss it all!!

Things I missed about KKB posting:

1. cool and fresh air, quiet and peaceful unlike the busy town of KL
2. learning how to play "Settlers" from Man Keat...later Christabel and I got addicted to the game
3. ganging up against Kang Meng at Settlers with Man Keat and Nisha...bcoz of that I won!!Haha...Poor guy....
4. sharing the same house with Christabel and Nisha (chatting till 3am)
5. BBQ night: keeping the fire alive, trying to defrost the frozen chicken, eating marshmallows coated with marjerin (really tasty!!), getting high for no reason..
6. playing speed and lossing to Man Keat and Bryan...played "Big 2 " too...
7. playing mafia in the dark and watching movies (although I slept halfway)
8. walking to KKB town...eating ice cream....running away from Ben's singing
9. the cute and fat rabbit hopping all around which everyone seemed to want to cook it during BBQ
10. watching all the food disappear into our hungry tummies during our dinner on the last night at 98 restaurant
11. every effort we put to entertain ourselves in the quiet town
12. Thomas looking for his "sotong balls" (mistery still not solved yet)
13. Watching the others play "Bridge"..still unfamiliar with the game though but it was interesting to watch....
    

But then since we got back from KKB and also after hanging out together yesterday at MidValley and my bday dinner...I suddenly felt so tired...
I guess I didnt really rest properly after coming back from KKB and we went out again the next day...so my body didnt hav a chance to recover....
Anyways...post KKB I'm missing all the fun and laughs as well as the craziness we had at KKB...
Plus its our last posting to that quaint town....
Hmm....cant believe I'm gonna finish my phase 1 with just less than a year left.... Anyways..this is one of the best KKB postings I've had so far...and I'll never forget it!!

I'M 20 ToDaY!!

Can't believe today I'm officially 20 already!!
Haha...God has blessed me greatly with a great 20 years...
Gonna hang out with my friends and hav dinner with em....later...
Can't wait..GOnna be Super FuN!!
WooHoo!!!=p

THe AdVeNTuReS of KKB (24/10/05-27/10/05)

The last travel to the small, quaint town known as Kuala Kubu Baru located in Hulu Selangor, before Fraser's Hill is trully one of the most enjoyable trips I've had although it was on med school bussiness...
Riding on the bus, we were all filled with excitement, expecting fun, fun, fun all the way...
We had planned to have a BBQ on the 2nd night there...and also brought board games and cards to play as well as DVDs to watch...
Upon reaching the houses...our assigned house was horribly dirty...we had to sweep, mop and collect all the rubbish left behind by the previous group which included food wrappers and pizza boxes...Whew!!It was tiring!!
But immediately after we got settled down...we began our adventure walking to town which took 15-20 minutes...and had dinner as well as some shopping...
Later we went back home and played with the games we brought...at midnight, PooF!! No electricity!! AARGH!! SO DARK!!
Hospital rounds were interesting as we were exposed to real patients but some of us had additional workload from the doctor incharged...
Nevertheless..that didnt stop us from having fun fun fun...we did everything under the sun to keep ourselves entertained...
Despite the workload, annoying powercuts, and icy cold water...we had the best time during the BBQ and also spending time together with all the city life distractions gone...This is one of the best KKB visits I've ever had!!
But for now...am really tired...So..Good Night!!

My BeLoVeD GRandPA

My grandpa...he's a dear person in my life..
He's already 83 years old...and still very healthy for a person of his age...
Chinese believe that if you live over a certain age...usually i think its 80...every year extra is a blessing...And he's a blessing to me...I really never understood why some people cant bear living with an elderly person...bcoz, they're such wonderful people to have around...although I admit that it gets tough having to take care of them at times
About 2 months back...my grandpa was down and it was because he had fallen sick...
He's a really old fashioned man and doesn't like depending on us...so when he doesn't feel well he won't tell us..
But I knew there was something wrong with him...coz he had no apetite, wouldn't go to town like he used to and slept a lot...the most worrying part was his apetite...
Lossing apetite made him even skinnier...and he was coughing a lot so we insisted in taking him to the doctor and it was found that his left lung was filled with phlegm...
So he had to take medicine..but it has side effects made him feel even worse than before
He felt so horrible that he asked my uncle to just take him to the hospital..(I was at Tioman at that time)..
Actually..his condition isn't serious...it was just that, he was feeling down for being unwell physically...the worrying part was that we could all see him kinda starting to give up even after returning home...Because of that his cellulitis came back and also had skin problems on his back and legs...(didn't take care constantly)
Not wanting to push himself to walk coz he was fearful of feeling breathless and no apetite...
So he became malnourished also....
I got worried and was frustrated at him coz he seemed like starting to give up in trying to get well..so I said a little prayer and asked God to turn him around and lift up his spirits again..
Few weeks later...I had a really long conversation with him..and he told me all his frustrations and problems...all I did was try to encourage him to pick himself up and be positive...
Wow!!(I was amazed at what one conversation can do) As each day passes after that he began to liven up...and started to eat a lot more than before
He even told me that he decided to try to improve his health to what it was before he got sick...
Now...as I look at him...he's so much happier....he was even singing to himself....
He was eating better and also starting to listen to me and my mum's advices....
I felt so happy for him...I'm so glad to see him this way...to hav my cheery grandpa back again!!

Praise Him!!

As I was leading this week's worship for MYF...without realising I had this great feeling of joy and happiness...Although I had slept late the previous night and was tired for waking up early today...but upon driving home....I realised that I had this great feeling of joy in me....
And my mind kept playing the song by Planet Shakers, "Praise Him" which I chose as one of the songs for worship today.
Having the feeling of thankfulness and gratitude to God for all things, even the little stuff...its so amazing coz you'll be able to enjoy almost everything in front and around you.
I watched Oprah on TV reporting the Katrina aftermath and the things revealed were so sad... My heart just melted away watching the video footage they showed....
It seemed worse than I imagined from watching the news...people whom they could never save (terminally ill, the old man was perpetually shivering) were actually left to die in a closed area they call the morgue "in peace", parents seperated from the children, no food, no water, gang fights in the dome where thousands of people lived including children. How were they supposed to live?
Yet despite all those sadness...there were still love and compassion among the people...they helped one another, supported each other, while they themselves were also suffering. Despite everything, families began to pull together, became stronger....strangers help save others.... and prayers were said each day asking God for help. I believe healing will take place...and a stronger community will be built.

It's A BusY LiFe AGaiN!!

Everyone's been asking, how come its been so long since you've updated your blog?
Well...its becoz I've been busy trying to adjust being back in uni again..
After giving up playing the organ and piano for church service, I took up leading MYF small group. Plus, I'm also a CG leader for the new semester students in uni.
Its a really new thing I'm venturing into, but its something I always wanted to do but just cant commit my time. Now, I've decided that I'll make the time and commit 100% in both. But it isnt as easy as it seems. Nevertheless, I know that it's not by my own strength but in God's only can I cope with everything.
A so called honeymoon semester as many call it, but too me, its a period of adjustment. And these periods are the toughest times of all. You'll feel that you're no where, wondering what lies ahead, wondering whether you'll be able to handle the challenges up ahead.
Having these thoughts aren't so bad, coz it keeps you on the alert and prevents you from being complacent but it shouldnt be allowed to turn into insecurities.
No matter what, in the end it's always God's promise that He'll be with me through everything that counts most. I'm glad that I have that to carry with me through every challenge or problem that I have faced and am facing.

HoLs OuT! It's BaCk To UNi..

Holidays are over,

And its was really fun,

I wish it would never be over,

But its time to recover.

Time to recover,

From the laziness and holiday mode,

Time to recover,

And return to a studying mode.

Holidays are over,

Its time to embrace new challenges,

Never say never,

But embrace all that lies ahead.

ELECTIVE: KiCkBoXiNG

Time flies real quick...I'm already entering my final 3 weeks of my semester break
It was great fun coz for the past month I was stress free from studies and also exams.. Although I just scraped through passing Sem 3..I'm just thankful that I won't have to resit my finals coz its even more traumatising sitting for a resit exam than the actual final exam itself..

Me and my close friend, Gowri joined by Jebbrine, Bryan and Kah Heng...we all decided to take up kick boxing classes for elective.. And when asked by other people, the reaction we often got was.."Wah! Don't mess with them!"..LOLz

Although it was scary for us as well coz we didnt know what to expect at the beggining, but after our trial class..we found that its really fun and we actually exercised!! We also had fun time laughing at each other especially when we were always grilled by the instructors to "Kick harder!More power!Punch harder!" more times than any other people taking the same class...
Being blur and all...we were also hit with many comments done jokingly...like "Punch harder, don't stroke it softly!It's meant to be hit hard!"

But after classes, although feeling fresher....muscles start to ache, tiredness take its place...
On the other hand, we also took the opportunity to go hang out after classes...and it was really fun too...I got to hang out with friends and chat with them, catch up with them coz I haven't really mingled with them in uni for a while...

Tomorrow's the final class for our so called elective purpose but we are gonna continue it coz we've enjoyed ourselves so far...Gotta get rest...

Genting Trip 26/07/05

It's a bird!! No!!It's a plane!!No!!I Don't know!!
3 Gals Chilling Out..

Woohoo!!In the cable car..
Coffee TiMe!!

Getting on Genting Skyway..

TiOmAn RoCKs!!

Wow...its been a while since I've been to the beach for a holiday...and thanks to my parents...I got to go to the beautiful island off Pahang just before entering Johor....Tioman!!
The island surrounded by beautiful corals and marine life which just captivates ur eyes...blue water, clear skies (away from hazy kl)...sunny days...sandy beach..
Rooms were kampung-like style..but we got a connecting room...and walking was a must coz the resort was really big...so just to get to the reception and restaurants would take about 4-5 minutes...But the good thing was its so quiet and relaxing..
The boat ride to the island was horrible...coz the engine was really noisy and i could still hear it ringing in my ears even after I got off the boat...and as usual...my hyperactive stomach was growling away in hunger so once I got to the restaurant which took hours to prepare my meal...I gobbled everything and even ordered for another bowl of tioman laksa...
Next day was exciting though...coz its my 1st time snorkelling!You see, I have this fear of things beneath the sea water...so I was terrified la...and the 1st stop...I didnt dare to move around on my own...plus my mum panicked on water and she got sea sick after that...and my dad had a hard time trying to breathe with the snorkelling goggles through his mouth..lolz
So the 2nd stop, one of the assistants on the boat joined us snorkelling and offered to take me around to see interesting marine life...before I could say yes or no...he took my hand and there we went swimming around...I was shaking coz I was really scared...but after a while..I began to enjoy myself...looking at the things below despite being scared of the things moving below...
The final stop, we actually went exploring round the small island surround by beautiful swordfishes and corals as well as other fishes...
Hooray!! I conquered my fears...and it was a great experience...
But then...my arms ached like crazy after that coz of the swimming and the kickboxing I did the day before we headed for Tioman...
Anywayz...it was all worth it...Haha!!I had great holiday with my family....and thats wat counts...

ReFLeCTioNs...

Lying on my bed..walking down memory lane...I was looking back on how my life used to be...
I was always a person with really strong principals and in my eyes there was never a grey area. It was always black or white (right/wrong). And the world around me seemed always against me and I felt that it was way better to just be a loner...I always thought I dont need friends coz no one liked me anyway...and everytime I tried to be friends...I felt used...bullied...
As I progressed from one stage to another of my life...I realised it doesnt matter if I felt used..or if others would take advantage of me....The only thing that counts would be my values...and whether I am right with God...And, isolation from making friends...was just out of anger against the people who bullied me...
Later in life...pressures and expectations of what I would do in the future...exams...studies.... things like that came about...
People around me keep comparing me...judging my character and even my appearance...even my dream to be a doctor was challenged by them.....
"Medical school very tough wan...U sure u can handle arr?" I seem to get that a lot once they found out becoming a doctor was wat I intended to pursue...
Exams weren't a problem previously...but then suddenly at college level...everytime an exam comes along..whether its big or small exams....I get cramps...butterflies in my tummy...I loose my apetite..I hated it!! But I can't control my body's response...

Of course...I felt it wasnt fair...."Why do I have to fit in?Why do I have to live up to others' expectations of me?Why do I need to worry of what others would think of me?"
Well..guess who answered all of these questions?"GOD"..He thought me how to cope with these issues...How?
Worry about others thoughts of me would basically show my insecurities...so why do I have to be insecure if I know my identity in God?I'm His child and He loves me...what more can u ask for?
As for living up to people's expectations and be under their judgements...Its what human do...
They judge others to make themselves feel better about themselves...But being put into these stressful and pressured situations made me a much stronger person....more confident of myself...and also stronger in God bcoz He was the one who helped me through all the way...
Every single thorn that comes my way He is the one who heals all the cuts and pain...

"I do hope that whoever reads this would get some assurance and encouragement...that yes, we do live in a tough world...full of pressures and expectations...but if u believe in God and trust in Him...plus surrendering all that is bothering you...I'm sure that He'll show you the light to your dark path...just as what He had done for me..."

FRieNDs....

Friends are important people in our lives so that includes me as well...
So far all my friends have placed a positive impact in my life....although sometimes there are disagreements, arguments, misunderstandings....along the way...
However, I find that a friend of mine has been at times really close to me....and we seem to have lots in common....so, it made me feel great to hav such a friend....
Then at times..suddenly...things just turn cold....the friend seem to have built a barrier in between us (the friend distants away from me) and it saddens me...Feeling dissapointed, I would also do the same and distant myself from my friend... thinking that maybe I did something wrong...or the person was tired of me...
The next moment....the friend of mine....approached me in close manner again....as if nothing had happened...things seemed normal again!!And I kinda felt this friend doesn't even know wats going on at all...
BUT is it trully normal?I don't know!!At first, I thought I was being overly sensitive about it and so...I decided to discard all those negative feelings away. Somehow, I couldn't help it but feel dissapointed or sad when it became a cycle that never ended..
I believe I was angry at the beggining..probably thinking how come my friend could be so insensitive..but as time goes by...i knew anger wasn't right coz it wasn't my friend's fault..
Honestly I had no solution neither I know why the friend of mine was that way bcoz the person doesn't even know wat was going on...
All I could think of was to look at things at a positive angle which was to continue to be a good friend but, at the same time do my very best in not letting my friend affect my emotions... although its something that I'm still struggling with currently...
"I really do want the best for that friend of mine...and I still do value the friendship we made..."
But I guess...things doesn't always turn out the way you want them to be...and I've gotta live with it!!

A LittLe SoMeTHiNG FrOm Me 2 U...

I just wanna send this little message to my friends who happen to read my blog and are feeling down bcoz of life's stresses and uncertainties....I wanna share this with u coz I've been in the same position and God has brought me through it...and things tend to look brighter ever since...***Whether this would help u I am not 100% sure but it has brought me through a lot and I'm still carrying it with me...so I trully pray and hope it'll do the same for u***

Its ok to feel scared or stressed out on all the pressures around us....sometimes it feels like the world is against us although we have big dreams to help ppl and do good..."Will any uni take me?"..."Will I be able to succeed?"...."Should I take the offer?"...."Will I be able to cope and focus?"..."How will I do in exams?"....
These questions constantly play in our minds and surely at times they collect and overwhelm us causing stress...or even meltdowns...

We have to remember this is part and parcel of life's journey and these things are what makes us strong and successful...prepared to face the even tougher world ahead...So learn to take things one step at a time...REMEMBER ur PASSION....ur DREAMS....never let the fire fade away....ANd of course TRUST in God that He will provide u with everything up ahead according to His will...and also believe in yourself bcoz each person has his or her gifts and potential to do great things in life....

So remember that when things dont seem right or you feel squashed by the different pressures and expectations...hold on tightly to your goals and dreams....never give up and commit all those stuff that are pushing you down to God and "trust in Him that His plans for u are to prosper u and not to harm u..."

YaY!! NiGhTMaRe OvEr..HoLs ArE IN FoR ReAL...

Hooray!!Wat a relief...!!The anguish!!The torturous waiting!!Finally it's all over!!
Praise God!! I Passed!!Although I only passed right at the margin....I'm glad that I dont hav to go through viva or resit...and all that had happened was a gift from God....
I could never have achieved or gone through all of these without Him...and He has brought me through every step no matter how tough or hard it felt....
Nothing can ever describe wat He did for me...All I can say and tell the world is He has been good to me throughout my entire existence in this hard core world....And he has made me the person I am today....Someone with a dream...to help others as a profession....
I will definitely keep the promises I made with God...and basically I am really and trully greatful to Him for wat He did for me...I'm just glad He gave me the opportunity to proceed to the next semester and be another step closer to achieving my dreams... ;p

HeLP!! ThE AnXiEtY is KiLLiNG Me!!

The anxiety....the feeling of my heart fluttering inside of me...is preventing me from sleeping although my eyes are weary and waiting to close anytime....but everytime I close my eyes and try to sleep....I start thinking bout tomorrow...
RESULTS!!Did I PASS??Did I FAIL??Wat am I going to do if I fail?Would I be able to celebrate for passing and being able to move on to Sem4??How??WOuld I be able to accept the results??
I DONT KNOW!!
These things that keep running through my mind is such a mental torture....I just pray to God and hope that tomorrow my results would show me a pass...!!Pls...let this be true!!

God ShOwEd Me THinGs Aren't So BaD AfTeR aLL!!

Feeling the way that I felt was always just temporary...Somehow...the feelings of anger, unappreciated, sad, dissapointment just died away....of course, a friend did play a role in helping to dissolve those -ve feelings...
Something just came to me...and I realised that it wasnt necessary for me to feel that way at all...It doesnt matter who is on the active side when it comes to helping others...neither does it matter whether my good deed was returned with gratitude coz I'm God's child....God is love and goodness....so I shall be that way too...
God helped me realise all those things....and I even felt so foolish for feeling that way in the 1st place...as for being cared by someone...I believe God will send that person to me someday...but for now....I'm great the way I am...and Thank God for making me the way I am!!

LiFe SoMeTiMeS LeT Me DoWn...

I've never felt this feeling for a while now...the feeling of being left out...of not belonging.... Walking alone watching everyone pass me by...trying to stay composed and preventing myself from breaking down overwhelmed by those mixed emotions.....
I felt myself trying sort the turmoil of emotions running through my mind..."was it my fault?"...
"why did i allow it to happen?"....."why was I so nice when i didnt hav to be?"..."why am i feeling this way?It's silly!!"..."why am i so silly to put myself in vulnerable positions?"..."I wished I had someone who would comfort me...be the one who would try to care for me....and not me always on the active side alone"
At times I would feel myself being so gullible and simple....and silly....
Always tend to be the active one in caring for someone....even when ppl around me probably would not want my help....or even get intimidated by my eagerness to help...and finally in the end feel like i wasn't appreciated...but either way its my fault...i put myself in this position...

One DoWn..AnOtHeR to Go!! PaSS or FaiL??

Today was the day viva list where students with borderline are listed to go for an aural exam was released...This exam is a 2nd chance for students who almost pass to Pass!! Going for this exam is superbly stressful and my heart was racing anticipating the release of the list this morning...

The agony of waiting is torturing but wat to do? Its all part and parcel of med school life...

Praise God that I wasnt on that list.....BUT!! WHen the actual results are out this FRIDAY.... it would be between PASSING or FAIL...Agony Over?? NOT!!

However looking on the bright side of things happening....its great to be surrounded by really great friends...who share the same feelings and support one another with love and encouragement....TimHo, TimChew, Victoria, Jane, Michelle, KhunYing, Matthew...

We spent time together shopping at Bk Bintang 2day...which was really fun....and then had a scrumptous steamboat dinner that filled me up to my neck and could not move....but the fellowship that we had was priceless...and I'm blessed to hav such great friends...

Tomorrow..we'll be going to Genting....along with THomas and Man Keat I think...and I'm sure it'll be great fun too...CAn't Wait!!

ExAm'S OvEr..but Nightmare isn't Over Yet!!

I know that life is never easy...and lots of effort is needed to reach our goals...but the high goals I set myself at the beginning of med school seems to just drop to a level where all I wanna do is pass this finals and be able to continue progressing to Sem 4...

I never thought or dreamt that at this stage of my life...my ability to hold myself together...to stay calm and composed is simply lost...the anxiety and twisted emotions I feel wouldn't leave me even after countless times of telling myself to calm down and be confident...I keep feeling my tummy being squeezed and twisted...and my brain frozen...unable to recall anything....but still praying to God asking to stay calm and composed did help me a lot from falling apart....

Even after going through finals...I still can't believe that its done!! All I have to to now is wait for results to be released next week...but that's another nightmare coz looking at how things worked out during exam..where practically most of the questions asked were so tough plus stupid mistakes made along the way didn't help at all...

But in the end..I'm am thankful to God that He has brought me through this week...that I can

at least complete my exam...the rest is up to Him to decide for me...but I do pray that I'll be able to pass and proceed to the next level of med school...For now...I am glad to complete the exam.. coz it seemed impossible to me last week..

"and yet look where God has brought me...I know He will definitely never ever fail me!!"

In a Dilemma..

Every person in Sem 3 rite now is going through the same thing...No time!!So much to cover!! And after completing the 1st part...progressing to the next...Oh No!!Forgot the 1st part I covered...Its really frustrating...
And having to memorise the life cycle and how each parasite and bacteria looks like just sucks away your interest...I really wish I had a super brain where I only hav to read once...I'd remember everything...
But life isn't easy...and it doesn't come easy at all...If we don't work hard then we won't feel the joy of success either....I'm trying to concentrate but distractions seem to come very often and its really hard even to focus...
I guess I need to push myself and make a commitment to put my very best...I seem to have lost my confidence in my studies bcoz everything I learnt this whole year...I cant recall...
I'm already anxious bout my last summative results...and now facing this big exam..failing is definitely a big NO...I cant afford to fail... I'll be 10 times more stressed out having to resit...I sure wouldnt want to put myself in that situation...
I know that God will help me through..I do believe..but the current situation I see myself in makes me scared of how things would turn out at the end of the day...
Deep down I know that no matter what..God is with me..He has always been there for me... I just pray that through this tough period...I wont waste my time anymore and I'll have enough time to finish studying..before finals sets in...
"Lord, pls help me not to be in panic or to feel anxious...but grant me the discipline and concentration as well as a good memory to be prepared for my finals in July...I commit everything into Your hands for I trust in You always...In Jesus' name...Amen"