ReFLeCTioNs...

Lying on my bed..walking down memory lane...I was looking back on how my life used to be...
I was always a person with really strong principals and in my eyes there was never a grey area. It was always black or white (right/wrong). And the world around me seemed always against me and I felt that it was way better to just be a loner...I always thought I dont need friends coz no one liked me anyway...and everytime I tried to be friends...I felt used...bullied...
As I progressed from one stage to another of my life...I realised it doesnt matter if I felt used..or if others would take advantage of me....The only thing that counts would be my values...and whether I am right with God...And, isolation from making friends...was just out of anger against the people who bullied me...
Later in life...pressures and expectations of what I would do in the future...exams...studies.... things like that came about...
People around me keep comparing me...judging my character and even my appearance...even my dream to be a doctor was challenged by them.....
"Medical school very tough wan...U sure u can handle arr?" I seem to get that a lot once they found out becoming a doctor was wat I intended to pursue...
Exams weren't a problem previously...but then suddenly at college level...everytime an exam comes along..whether its big or small exams....I get cramps...butterflies in my tummy...I loose my apetite..I hated it!! But I can't control my body's response...

Of course...I felt it wasnt fair...."Why do I have to fit in?Why do I have to live up to others' expectations of me?Why do I need to worry of what others would think of me?"
Well..guess who answered all of these questions?"GOD"..He thought me how to cope with these issues...How?
Worry about others thoughts of me would basically show my insecurities...so why do I have to be insecure if I know my identity in God?I'm His child and He loves me...what more can u ask for?
As for living up to people's expectations and be under their judgements...Its what human do...
They judge others to make themselves feel better about themselves...But being put into these stressful and pressured situations made me a much stronger person....more confident of myself...and also stronger in God bcoz He was the one who helped me through all the way...
Every single thorn that comes my way He is the one who heals all the cuts and pain...

"I do hope that whoever reads this would get some assurance and encouragement...that yes, we do live in a tough world...full of pressures and expectations...but if u believe in God and trust in Him...plus surrendering all that is bothering you...I'm sure that He'll show you the light to your dark path...just as what He had done for me..."