BuRNT OuT???

Being burnt out...or feeling so tired about everything going on around you. So much that all you wanna do is just shut yourself out from everything and lock yourself in a room alone. NOT talking about studies.

I never thought that this would happen to me. NEVER!! How can someone feel burnt out doing the things he or she loves a lot and it has been a really big part of her life?? How did I reach this level of just wanting to give up, not bother and just leave??

Maybe it has been coming. I dont know. I suppose I never allowed myself to feel anything besides pushing myself, each time I've been shut down to keep on going and let myself be heard or just continue doing all that I could. But why the feeling of giving up, the one thing I'd never thought would even cross my path overwhelmed me? How did I become so frustrated, fed up, tired, or even sad?

The most blessed part of this was God showed me that He blessed me with 2 great people in my life. My mum & dad!! After so long of supressing my deepest feelings unintentionally, they finally helped me to let all the stuff in me come out. They were understanding and helped me clear up all my confusions and frustrations.

I think that God is trying to tell me that I'm only human. I'm not a super being that can save everything and everyone although its what I want to do. Life isn't that way. I need to depend on Him and Him alone. He's the strong one. And I'm the weak one but He can empower me and work through me. So, I'm taking time off. I'm doing the things I didnt have the chance to do before. Spend my weekends hanging out with my friends...watching movies...and its fun!!

***DuST***

It just hit me watching this DVD published by NOOMA (dunno what it stands for) during MYF CG yesterday...The guy, Rob Bell...He used the context of Jesus walking on water to illustrate this simple yet amazing point which I think I've forgotten about and hit me right at my face.

He started with explaining how high a Rabbi was looked upon by the people in those days and that the best of the best of the best of all the students who memorised books of the old testament till Malachi were in line to be chosen as Rabbis....Memorising so many texts!! I know I can never ever do that!!
And then these students will look for the Rabbi they would like to take after and they would be tested by the Rabbi on the books they have memorised. According to Rob Bell, the Rabbi not only look at how well the student memorises the books but he also chooses his disciple based on whether the student could be like him.
Jesus was considered a Rabbi...He was a teacher and who did he choose to be his disciples?? Was it the best of the best of the best?? No!! It was fishermen...and not very good ones too...But Jesus chose them and believed that they would be like him someday...Can you believe that??

Coming back to the part of Jesus walking on water... when the disciples saw Jesus walking on water whom they thought at first was a ghost but then realised it was their Rabbi...Peter one of His disciples followed Him to walk on water towards Jesus. While he was walking a wind came and he got scared and started to sink!! And screamed for Jesus to help him and Jesus said "You man of little faith!! Why did you doubt??"

This was the part that hit me...I always thought Peter sank because he didnt have faith in Jesus. But Rob Bell explained it differently. Peter wasn't doubting Jesus coz he followed what Jesus did. Walking on water when all the other disciples didnt do so. He believed in Jesus. But when the wind came he sank because it was at that time he doubted NOT Jesus but HIMSELF!!

So the conclusion was...yes we need to have faith in Jesus and believe in Him but do we realise that Jesus already believed and trusted in us?? That we can do amazing things and be like Jesus?? To be perfect like Him??Disciples follow after the Rabbi and are usually covered in his dust. And so we are all Jesus' disciples...and He called us and believes in us...but do we believe in ourselves to be in Jesus' **DUST**??