I think I've been in a low point for a while now but I just didnt realize. You know, the feeling of just living everyday like a block of wood...waiting for the world and everything or everyone in it to just pass you by. Or maybe like a robot...just doing all the routine stuff with no inner emotions towards anything. Maybe I'm in a dry spell....
Why am I at this point?? Why am I feeling this way?? Have I lost my passion or the fire within me?? Have I distant myself from God and that's why I'm feeling lost?? Or am I just simply worn out?? Can anyone give me an answer?? What's going on with me?? Is it stress?? I dont know!!!
Nothing seems to be going the way it always has been... it just doesn't feel right. I seem to feel lost everywhere including areas of my life which I had so much passion and love for. But now... I've given them up!! I don't even know if its the right decision. I let it go with a heavy heart.
Honestly, I'm not doing well with my studies either...always getting distracted by other things... my finals is in 2 months time and I have a whole lump of notes to cover including the current stuff I'm learning. Will I be prepared??
I know all that I've said depends a lot on myself...and maybe God is finally putting me through some hard time as a test. Maybe things will improve later on..
All I know is that I'm constantly reminding myself of God's promise that He'll always be there for me no matter what and all I have to do is ask from Him and I'll receive. Plus, I still have a supportive family and close friends that still encourage me in some ways although they don't realize it.
I guess the only thing I can do is live my life to the best I can and trust and wait on God to help me through my struggles.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
A LiFe oF GRaTiTuDe...
When life gets hard...when we start to feel drained both physically and emotionally...when we reach a low point or a temporary gloomy period...we start to feel dissatisfied with our lives. We start to question why life's like that or we start looking for worldly things to satisfy ourselves.
Sometimes for no reason...we feel detached from everyone else. We feel sadness deep in our hearts all of a sudden. But all these emotions are not bcoz of one event. It has been pilling up inside us for some time and we're not aware of it.
However, its during these low points we need to have the heart of gratitude. I read an article which says when we're dissatisfied with our lives especially when it gets hard, we need to list down as many things we can be thankful for as possible. "A Life of Gratitude!!" And plus when I heard this song, "Indescribable" by Chris Tomlin... personally, my spirits were liven up...and I realised, Yea!! God Is Trully Amazing in Everyway!! Ways that seem so small, yet they're so great and beautiful. So, what low point is there when I have an Amazing God by my side??
Sometimes for no reason...we feel detached from everyone else. We feel sadness deep in our hearts all of a sudden. But all these emotions are not bcoz of one event. It has been pilling up inside us for some time and we're not aware of it.
However, its during these low points we need to have the heart of gratitude. I read an article which says when we're dissatisfied with our lives especially when it gets hard, we need to list down as many things we can be thankful for as possible. "A Life of Gratitude!!" And plus when I heard this song, "Indescribable" by Chris Tomlin... personally, my spirits were liven up...and I realised, Yea!! God Is Trully Amazing in Everyway!! Ways that seem so small, yet they're so great and beautiful. So, what low point is there when I have an Amazing God by my side??
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky
and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky
and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart
and You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom
Monday, April 10, 2006
Diabetic Nephropathy
After my visit to the NKF centre (National Kidney Foundation) last year during sem 4... I told myself, "Thank God so far none of my close family members have to go through dialysis!".
I guess I spoke too soon.
Recently, I got to know that my grandpa's kidneys are heading towards failure. We had some sort of a scare previously when his urine test was abnormal. But it was soon cleared by the doctor that it wasn't really significant.
But after seeing the doctor again coz his leg was swollen, it was finally confirmed that his kidneys were in a pre-failure stage which is associated with the diabetes he had for about 10 years already.
What does it mean then??
Well...for an old man who had gone through a tough time of chemo- and radiotherapy for his oral cancer...being diagnosed with this thing now...I really don't know!!
Having some knowledge about what comes after being diagnose with a condition like this, just make me foresee many things my grandpa would not be able to do.
1. Strict diet (He lives to eat!!Plus he has no saliva and it has been already hard on him.)
2. Drugs, drugs and more drugs....who likes taking meds??
3. What about the other complications of diabetes?? Already he doesn't walk properly!!
4. Worst part: Dialysis phase!! Having to visit that place 3 times a week!! Relying on a machine
to clear our body's waste!! Feeling sick most of the time!!
As a med student, this is what I feel is going to happen...and I realise that well, no matter how much we hope to stay young and healthy with no illnesses....our body itself would one day reach its expiry stage. Its all part of life's cycle.
Its just that taking care of an elderly person is never easy and I'm sure soon my mum, aunts and uncles would be carrying even heavier loads, which I hope that they would be prepared by then.
The only thing a doctor can do is to help delay the failure process but knowing my grandpa who's a typical incompliant patient, its not going to be any easier.
I just think that its really hard to see someone you love suffer...but there's always this voice in me that constantly reassures me that I have a very close knit family and the support we have for one another is strong enough to handle this challenge. There's nothing anyone can do except to help my grandpa through the upcoming stages. And definitely, I believe God will also be there to help my grandpa and the rest of us.
This thing just reminds me to always cherish and appreciate the people around me and not take any of them for granted.
I guess I spoke too soon.
Recently, I got to know that my grandpa's kidneys are heading towards failure. We had some sort of a scare previously when his urine test was abnormal. But it was soon cleared by the doctor that it wasn't really significant.
But after seeing the doctor again coz his leg was swollen, it was finally confirmed that his kidneys were in a pre-failure stage which is associated with the diabetes he had for about 10 years already.
What does it mean then??
Well...for an old man who had gone through a tough time of chemo- and radiotherapy for his oral cancer...being diagnosed with this thing now...I really don't know!!
Having some knowledge about what comes after being diagnose with a condition like this, just make me foresee many things my grandpa would not be able to do.
1. Strict diet (He lives to eat!!Plus he has no saliva and it has been already hard on him.)
2. Drugs, drugs and more drugs....who likes taking meds??
3. What about the other complications of diabetes?? Already he doesn't walk properly!!
4. Worst part: Dialysis phase!! Having to visit that place 3 times a week!! Relying on a machine
to clear our body's waste!! Feeling sick most of the time!!
As a med student, this is what I feel is going to happen...and I realise that well, no matter how much we hope to stay young and healthy with no illnesses....our body itself would one day reach its expiry stage. Its all part of life's cycle.
Its just that taking care of an elderly person is never easy and I'm sure soon my mum, aunts and uncles would be carrying even heavier loads, which I hope that they would be prepared by then.
The only thing a doctor can do is to help delay the failure process but knowing my grandpa who's a typical incompliant patient, its not going to be any easier.
I just think that its really hard to see someone you love suffer...but there's always this voice in me that constantly reassures me that I have a very close knit family and the support we have for one another is strong enough to handle this challenge. There's nothing anyone can do except to help my grandpa through the upcoming stages. And definitely, I believe God will also be there to help my grandpa and the rest of us.
This thing just reminds me to always cherish and appreciate the people around me and not take any of them for granted.
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