My CNY 2006!!

This is my 50th Post...Yay!!

I'm sitting at home right now...hiding away from having to entertain guests...my relatives from Klang...like every Chinese New Year they would do their normal visit to my house coz my grandpa lives with us.

This year's CNY I think was the most boring of all... I still remember when I was little... CNY would be something I really get excited about...shopping for new clothes, getting ang pows... meeting relatives whom I only see once a year...and of course, friends....

But now... it has somehow become a routine. Although yea...it was good to meet with my relatives at least once a year....and omigosh!! I was called Aunty already!!NO!!

Despite the feeling of "boringness"....I still like CNY coz families actually would go the extra mile during this period to meet with relatives and friends whom they have not met for a while like mine.
So wish everyone a great CNY and a great holiday too!! May 2006 be a prosperous and joyfull year ahead!!

"OASiS"

"Oasis" is a place where people living in the desert desperately draw every single drop of water they could get to quench their thirst. And God is like the water and we are the desert people desperately insearch of something that would quench the desires of our lives. Thats why MYF's youth celebration's called OASIS.
The turn out of the 1st Oasis was really good...and what the speaker, Annette talked about how we tend to think about our lives are so true. And one of the examples she gave just nailed how I felt lately.

I felt like serving in church was too much and I was fearful that church would become a distraction for me from my studies. I felt that week after week, serving in church, being active like I always am made me feel even more empty inside.
I thought it was because my heart wasnt in tune with God and I was probably distracted by other stuff... I really dont know what was going on inside me. So, I pushed myself. Like Anette said...I pushed and squeeze everything in me to worship and serve Him in everyway I could, trying to put my heart and soul into it too...but still...I felt empty

I really dont know what to do...I still am feeling it...Maybe I didnt worship God hard enough? Maybe I didnt surrender myself totally? I really dont know.

But now as I'm sitting in my room thinking about it all...I feel that assurance that God does know how I trully feel deep inside and to just hang on to him. I did feel refreshed after the worship and all but I think I'm still trying to work these things out.

I'm a person who's more of do-er (action) and most of the time try not to feel bcoz I always fear of getting hurt, which so far this statement does work for me. But when I got into MYF and became closer with everyone there, I learnt that God put emotions or feelings for a reason which is definitely not to make us get hurt. He placed it in us so that He can connect with us is such a deep manner that words can't even describe it. Its that tingly feeling, the warmth and the inner joy when the Holy Spirit fills my heart. I always believed that putting things into action is more worthwhile and how I feel in not necessary. But I'm wrong! Now...day by day, I'm learning to open myself up both to God and the people around me. Not to open up just by surface but my whole self. To share my very true self with everyone and maybe someday God would use me to touch someone's life.

I know its long and all but..I'm learning about my deeper feelings each day...and hopefully these feelings of emptiness will be filled someday. I definitely would continue praying coz I know that God never fails me or anyone..

I HaTe ReNaL SyStEm!!

Just after a nice week's break...and now Woosh!! Its end of renal system which is scheduled to last for only 3 weeks and exams like next friday!!

*SOBS* So not prepared yet...struggling to finish studying...everythings in such a rush... plus being one of the tougher systems doesn't help either

Got sick last week and hoping to fully recover soon...Hopefully I'll be able to get through this... and the rest of the semester....Back to my books again....Haih.....

My MiSeRaBLe DaY...

Yesterday I got an sms from my friend...her mum whom I mentioned before finally passed away as her liver failed from breast cancer that spread to the liver and pelvic bone...Its kinda cruel to look at it this way...but finally my friend would have a closure from hanging on to her mum whom we all know has been terminally ill for the past few months. She can now close this part of her life and begin a new journey but of course with the memory of her parents in her.

Out of everything that has happened...I trully admire my friend's strength and determination to pick herself up and carry the responsibilities of her parents to take care of her younger sister and also continue to complete her studies...

Today...I was miserable...couldn't sleep properly the previous night and my flu reached it peak making me feel unwell and miserable...
I saw the doctor in the morning...but I knew I have a bacterial flu coz I was trying to check my own sore throat the previous night...He said I had all the signs of influenza..so antibiotics...

Later, when I reached uni for lessons...omigosh!! The skin beneath my left eye swell up..it looked hideous!! Didn't know wat to do...but got no choice...so I tried avoiding talking to anyone and went straight for PBL...After PBL I called my mum and went home so that she could drive me back to see the doctor again.

Omigosh...it was a different doctor at the clinic and this old man...has no bedside manners at all!! Talk about learning behavioural science and learning to put patients interest first...any student in IMU would be better than him anyday..plus, he supposed to be a lecturing doctor in a public medical uni...

He even criticised me for being concerned bout the swelling on my eye...and all IMU FEMALE students are pampered!! I was like...wats ur problem? And before I left his "advice" to me was..."Behave Yourself!!"...???Wat does that mean??I dunno??He's such a weirdo and never in my life I'm gonna see him again neither would I want to be in the same uni he's lecturing in...

Intimidated by an old man...so called lecturing and experienced doctor...he's worse than HOUSE M.D. He couldn't even tell me whats the cause of my swelling...and I myself could come up with one...Its just my unlucky day to meet a doctor like him!!