Every year we celebrate the day we gain another year older...
Can't believe it...I've just turned 22 and its another 1+ year I should graduate if all goes well.
It seemed like yesterday I felt like I was the luckiest person ever to be able to celebrate my 21st with the entire family...the people that have special places in my heart (Just love my big family). And it seemed like yesterday I was told that my grandpa who hadn't been feeling well made an effort to wear his best outfit to celebrate my 21st with me when he could have remained on his bed. Both my grandpas in fact celebrated with me...
Today...I never thought I would miss him so much. We had another birthday dinner together as a family again...but this time...I was missing my grandpa. The guy whom I visit every weekend no matter what. The guy who seemed cool and emotionless but has lots of love to give especially to his grandchildren. The guy who got himself out of bed and dressed his best just to celebrate my 21st birthday although he was always unwell and lying on the bed.
I couldn't help but be reminded of last year...his presence with each of us. I never thought I would miss him so much. My eyes became teary but I held it back. It is a happy occasion and I'm sure he's happy for me too. But I miss him dearly. Somehow there's still that empty space in my heart. I still haven't adapted to the fact that he's gone...and that my Saturdays would be free from traveling to his house to visit him.
Nevertheless...I'm glad my mum still organized the dinner with the entire family although my grandpa isn't around anymore. Its still a great feeling to have dinner with my uncles, aunts and cousins...to catch up with them like how we've always done every weekend with my grandpa.
Thank God I still have another grandpa staying with me although I still do miss this grandpa of mine dearly...But I had a great birthday!!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
SeaSoN oF GooDBYeS...
It is so true when we talk about being touched by people around us...
We often get caught up with our work and studies causing us to take people placed by God around us for granted. This is understandable coz we live such busy lives with so many things to handle at once and hence, emotions and feelings are usually placed in the least priority.
I would be the first to admit that my life has been so. Although I try my very best to appreciate the people around me as much as I can, still it isnt enough.
This week I'm saying farewell 3 times to 4 beautiful individuals. Most of the time, I tend to forget or I didnt realise how much of an impact they have made on me.
The first was to say goodbye to a young beautiful girl...whom I recently found out had left this world due to an uncorrectable illness. I was assigned as part of my med course to follow up on her in every aspect of her life with a colleague. We got to know her and her family and we were amazed by her carefreeness, innocence and joy. Her simple view of what the world was like unknowingly touched my heart. I honestly could not believe the sudden news of her death bcoz I'd never thought she would have to go so quickly and suddenly. She has touched me in ways I cant describe but she would be someone I would remember for a long time.
The second was a goodbye to a dear lecturer whose dedication, love and commitment to the CF of our uni had touched many hearts including mine. Although I've really known him for about 6 months but his knowledge both in medicine and Christian living...about God really inspired me to be a better person than what or who I already am. His gentleness and humility yet someone with so much wisdom in 2 wide areas...is something I admire a lot. And its sad to let such a person go...
Last goodbye this week would be 2 dear friends whom I remember touched my heart on one of my birthday. No one has done such a sweet thing for me!! They actually bought and sent me a bouquet of flowers and a gift right to my doorstep. Ever since then, we got closer and they've been such inspiration and encouragers in my life. Such sincere friendship I never tought I would have in my entire life. I love them dearly like my brother and sister and I would definitely miss them a lot!!
In life...changes takes place and surprises pops up once in a while. It forces us lazy people to move out of our comfort zones and wakes us up from being too lenient in our daily living. Although it can be tough and painful sometimes, I believe each event or goodbyes that we say to the people we love and hold close to our hearts...has a lesson or reason behind. But the explanation may not be seen clearly immediately...we need patience and faith in God.
All I can say is I wish the very best and all the goodness in the world to these people...We'll meet someday...somewhere!! God Bless!!
We often get caught up with our work and studies causing us to take people placed by God around us for granted. This is understandable coz we live such busy lives with so many things to handle at once and hence, emotions and feelings are usually placed in the least priority.
I would be the first to admit that my life has been so. Although I try my very best to appreciate the people around me as much as I can, still it isnt enough.
This week I'm saying farewell 3 times to 4 beautiful individuals. Most of the time, I tend to forget or I didnt realise how much of an impact they have made on me.
The first was to say goodbye to a young beautiful girl...whom I recently found out had left this world due to an uncorrectable illness. I was assigned as part of my med course to follow up on her in every aspect of her life with a colleague. We got to know her and her family and we were amazed by her carefreeness, innocence and joy. Her simple view of what the world was like unknowingly touched my heart. I honestly could not believe the sudden news of her death bcoz I'd never thought she would have to go so quickly and suddenly. She has touched me in ways I cant describe but she would be someone I would remember for a long time.
The second was a goodbye to a dear lecturer whose dedication, love and commitment to the CF of our uni had touched many hearts including mine. Although I've really known him for about 6 months but his knowledge both in medicine and Christian living...about God really inspired me to be a better person than what or who I already am. His gentleness and humility yet someone with so much wisdom in 2 wide areas...is something I admire a lot. And its sad to let such a person go...
Last goodbye this week would be 2 dear friends whom I remember touched my heart on one of my birthday. No one has done such a sweet thing for me!! They actually bought and sent me a bouquet of flowers and a gift right to my doorstep. Ever since then, we got closer and they've been such inspiration and encouragers in my life. Such sincere friendship I never tought I would have in my entire life. I love them dearly like my brother and sister and I would definitely miss them a lot!!
In life...changes takes place and surprises pops up once in a while. It forces us lazy people to move out of our comfort zones and wakes us up from being too lenient in our daily living. Although it can be tough and painful sometimes, I believe each event or goodbyes that we say to the people we love and hold close to our hearts...has a lesson or reason behind. But the explanation may not be seen clearly immediately...we need patience and faith in God.
All I can say is I wish the very best and all the goodness in the world to these people...We'll meet someday...somewhere!! God Bless!!
Thursday, February 15, 2007
BeiNG aT a PLaTeAu PHaSe??
We always say life's like a rollercoaster filled with ups and downs. But sometimes, life also becomes stagnant....it reaches a plateau phase and thats where I think I'm at right now....
Maybe it has been going on for sometime and I didnt realise it...
Being at a point where things are just going at a plateau pattern can be quite frustrating and takes patience to overcome. I really don't know if its God's way of training me or its just me making my life such a dull one. At such a stage I cant help but feel like I've lost my passion or sense of direction. Its not that I dont know my end goal...coz I do know! But, just am feeling lost while journeying through this path...no excitement, nothing much to look forward to...
I mean people around me seemed to have so many happenings going on around them...and when they share wat they've been going through it all sounds to exciting and interesting. Cant help to start wonder how come my life is all of a sudden so dull??
I suppose the only thing that would help is TIME....let this phase pass...and patiently wait after God to show me the next level in my journey in life...who knows?? All I can say is that I have unmeasurable thanks to God who blessed me with such a smoot and good life so far...and it beats all doubts definitely!!
Maybe it has been going on for sometime and I didnt realise it...
Being at a point where things are just going at a plateau pattern can be quite frustrating and takes patience to overcome. I really don't know if its God's way of training me or its just me making my life such a dull one. At such a stage I cant help but feel like I've lost my passion or sense of direction. Its not that I dont know my end goal...coz I do know! But, just am feeling lost while journeying through this path...no excitement, nothing much to look forward to...
I mean people around me seemed to have so many happenings going on around them...and when they share wat they've been going through it all sounds to exciting and interesting. Cant help to start wonder how come my life is all of a sudden so dull??
I suppose the only thing that would help is TIME....let this phase pass...and patiently wait after God to show me the next level in my journey in life...who knows?? All I can say is that I have unmeasurable thanks to God who blessed me with such a smoot and good life so far...and it beats all doubts definitely!!
Saturday, January 13, 2007
WhaT HaVe I DoNe???
I've always thought making friends was easy as long as there's understanding, openess, tolerance and of course FUN!! But I guess things dont always go the way I would like it to be or life cant just be up and up and up all the time...so does relationships, sad to say.
So, what more bout living with others??? There's definitely wrong at my part for being impatient, judgemental and close minded at times...and I'd hope that things would go my way. I'm trying really hard not to be like that...but I still feel like I've been getting the cold shoulder or I've offended someone unexpectedly in some way.
Well, I would definitely apologise to that person if I've done anything wrong...and that its definitely not intentional in anyway. Not knowing what I did wrong...cant blame me if I'm still stepping on your toes.
Maybe I'm overly sensitive...I really don't know. Its just hard to feel that way especially when you're living under the same roof. I guess not everyone will like me and I'm me....and we're all different so disagreements happen I guess.
Just hate the feeling of not knowing what I did wrong that's all. To me, even if I didnt do anything wrong, I'm guilty coz I've made the person dislike me I guess...Anyway cant please everyone...so, life goes on and on my part, I'm learning each day to be a better person and a better doctor. Guess, cant put all the blame on myself and maybe its ok to be disliked sometimes!! Who knows!!
So, what more bout living with others??? There's definitely wrong at my part for being impatient, judgemental and close minded at times...and I'd hope that things would go my way. I'm trying really hard not to be like that...but I still feel like I've been getting the cold shoulder or I've offended someone unexpectedly in some way.
Well, I would definitely apologise to that person if I've done anything wrong...and that its definitely not intentional in anyway. Not knowing what I did wrong...cant blame me if I'm still stepping on your toes.
Maybe I'm overly sensitive...I really don't know. Its just hard to feel that way especially when you're living under the same roof. I guess not everyone will like me and I'm me....and we're all different so disagreements happen I guess.
Just hate the feeling of not knowing what I did wrong that's all. To me, even if I didnt do anything wrong, I'm guilty coz I've made the person dislike me I guess...Anyway cant please everyone...so, life goes on and on my part, I'm learning each day to be a better person and a better doctor. Guess, cant put all the blame on myself and maybe its ok to be disliked sometimes!! Who knows!!
Friday, December 22, 2006
Surgery....I'm Done....!!
Clinical School life have been moving so quickly I can't believe surgical posting's over and the toughest posting in sem 6...Internel Medicine...starts next week!!
I have to admit that switching from Family Med posting to Surgery was tough and it took some time for me to adapt with such busy schedules. It was pretty overwhelming at the beggining but thank God things soon got better with friends and helpful lecturers around.
The clinic and hospital environment are definitely 2 very different settings altogether. And to those people who still think that surgeons are just tailors or technicians and all they know is cutting open their patients...I can tell u for sure that you're very wrong!!
Here are some of the things I've experienced during my 7 week surgical posting:
I have to admit that switching from Family Med posting to Surgery was tough and it took some time for me to adapt with such busy schedules. It was pretty overwhelming at the beggining but thank God things soon got better with friends and helpful lecturers around.
The clinic and hospital environment are definitely 2 very different settings altogether. And to those people who still think that surgeons are just tailors or technicians and all they know is cutting open their patients...I can tell u for sure that you're very wrong!!
Here are some of the things I've experienced during my 7 week surgical posting:
- I forgot most of my basic sciences from phase I and had to struggle to answer questions from lecturers "????"
- Going to wards at night is super tiring!! Miss Family Med!!
- Mamak-ing....Watching movies....Lepak-ing....FUN!!
- We're not treating gallbladders or liver or lumps...we're treating people!! Patients!!
- Good place for a quick nap before TBLs or CSUs....Student Lounge!!
- PD Hospital is such a nice place....
- Standing in OT for 3 hours....haih...Leg Pain d!!
- Describing lumps..ulcers...swellings...Lipoma??Cyst??Attached to skin??Mobile??Arrgh!!
- PD Hospital's OT is like a freezer...Super COLD!! Bcome ICE d...
- Q:"Whats the difference between small gut and large gut??"... A:"Small gut is..SMALL; Large gut is...BIG!!"
- Q:"What do you see on an X-ray??" A:"BLACK and WHITE!!"....reply,"You will survive!!"
- Road trip to PD Hospital on my greenie car....a.k.a..."MiniBUS!!"
- Simple surgical procedures can make a whole lot of change to a patient's well being
- Surgeons do spend more time consulting patients than cutting them open.
- Nature is the best healer and doctors just witness the events take place while collecting money.
- Grilled by lecturers during case presentations until end of posting exam till no more sweat left....PHEW!!
Yes..I am relieved to have finished exams finally...but surgical posting turned out to be so much better than I thought it would be. I've learnt a lot from every surgeon whether the hospital staff or IMU lecturers...especially during case presentations although yea...leg also aching...back also painful...kena kutuk....but....these are the things that made it all interesting!!
Sad to say..its goodbye to surgery for now...and its back to square one with adapting to a new posting...Looking forward to this one though...Hopefully I'm right!!
Sunday, December 03, 2006
CHaNGe...INeVitaBLe???
Change..either we look forward to it with open arms...or we are caught off guard causing turmoil in our lives.
Church life has been such a big part of my life as far as I can remember...and being active in ministry I grew a lot and got inspired a lot by many people I've come across with. Church life is so important that not going on any Sunday would seem really strange the rest of the week. And I enjoy the fellowship with both youths and adults I've known for many years.
Lately, I seem to be unable to accept the changes I see in the church. I've tried to keep an open mind to every explanation given both by church leaders and ministry leaders and placed hope in the promises made by them. But each time, I seem to be dissapointed and now I'm just lost.
Giving up being part of ministry for more than 6 months...church life seem to be even more distant. Its just so sad to be feeling this way when I thought church life is something that would never ever die at any point of my life. Coz it has made me who I am today. I grew up in this environment.
Why am I feeling lost or getting dissapointed so much?? Is it really wrong to have expectations for myself?? Expectations that I'd be growing and learning from church and ministry leaders?? Is God pushing me away from the ministry I've been in all this while?? How do I keep an open mind to change that I am only able to see negative outcomes?? Should I just let that happen?? Just give up?? Not bother??
Somehow...I have all the answers to those questions already. But I guess, I've not learnt to accept a lot of it yet. But I do know that there's a lot more laid ahead by God for me and my journey in life has barely begun. I just really hope that God would show me a new area of ministry soon which I can be passionate about again so that I wont feel so lost.
I guess..most importantly is seeking God's will in every change or decision made and to trust that any change that comes my way God is in control of it. I hope that I can find the objectiveness and total trust soon and release all the dissapointments and worries to Him. Time will tell and time will heal...
Church life has been such a big part of my life as far as I can remember...and being active in ministry I grew a lot and got inspired a lot by many people I've come across with. Church life is so important that not going on any Sunday would seem really strange the rest of the week. And I enjoy the fellowship with both youths and adults I've known for many years.
Lately, I seem to be unable to accept the changes I see in the church. I've tried to keep an open mind to every explanation given both by church leaders and ministry leaders and placed hope in the promises made by them. But each time, I seem to be dissapointed and now I'm just lost.
Giving up being part of ministry for more than 6 months...church life seem to be even more distant. Its just so sad to be feeling this way when I thought church life is something that would never ever die at any point of my life. Coz it has made me who I am today. I grew up in this environment.
Why am I feeling lost or getting dissapointed so much?? Is it really wrong to have expectations for myself?? Expectations that I'd be growing and learning from church and ministry leaders?? Is God pushing me away from the ministry I've been in all this while?? How do I keep an open mind to change that I am only able to see negative outcomes?? Should I just let that happen?? Just give up?? Not bother??
Somehow...I have all the answers to those questions already. But I guess, I've not learnt to accept a lot of it yet. But I do know that there's a lot more laid ahead by God for me and my journey in life has barely begun. I just really hope that God would show me a new area of ministry soon which I can be passionate about again so that I wont feel so lost.
I guess..most importantly is seeking God's will in every change or decision made and to trust that any change that comes my way God is in control of it. I hope that I can find the objectiveness and total trust soon and release all the dissapointments and worries to Him. Time will tell and time will heal...
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Surgical Week...An encounter I wont forget
I know I haven't been posting up anything lately...thats bcoz life's been really busy at Seremban
I never thought that I would have so little time in a day....so little that I even could not find time to shop for groceries at the beggining of the week. But well...I made it through alive a hectic week.
Although yea..it was pretty stressful and tiring coz we're expected to be on our toes with all our cases and medical knowledge when presenting to the doctor...I learnt a lot this week. Things that can never be found in books or quantified in any form of value.
Its so easy as medical students to want to get the best cases or the best patients to clerk and examine and learn from. To fight for opportunities in wards or wherever to do certain procedures under a doctor's supervision. To elicit positive signs on interesting patients. And I have to admit I was one of them. Time and time again during ward teachings, we were reminded to look beyond a disease or a clinical sign. But to look into people's hearts, emotions and reactions towards the disease and put ourselves in their shoes. Empathy....
But I encountered a lady...who had cancer, but she doesn't know it. I had to clerk her coz I was assigned that particular bed and I did. I got frustrated at the beggining coz I wasnt able to get a good history from her and she kept changing the topic. She got discharged soon enough and I thought...oh well, guess she's gone and I dont have to bother about her case anymore. After all the history I took from her wasnt complete.
The following week, she was admitted again. And I didnt want to clerk her again coz I know I failed to do a good job previously. But out of boredom at the wards, I chatted with her a bit and found out she was discharged just to do a scan outside. I asked my friend to clerk her and see if he could get a better history...and at that time she was more open to talking to us than before. Of course, she still changed the subject a lot.
As the week went on, we chatted with her until finally one day, I overheard that the surgeon was going to tell her that it was confirmed that she had cancer. I dont know if she was told to have cancer literally, but she knew there was a growth in her. And when we approached her after that, she shared with me her sadness and confusion.
I'd never thought that I would have such an encounter so fast, since I just started surgical. But yea...it taught me to be more humane and compassionate. I realised I was so caught up academically, I forgot why I wanted to be a doctor in the first place. It was an early wake up call I guess. So I took the opportunity to pray for her with my friend as she was a Christian. She was so thankful to us...but I think I was more thankful for her appearing in my life making me realise how selfish I've been.
I hope and pray the very best for her health and her family as they go through this bumpy road. But I believe no matter what God will bring her through. That I know for sure.
I never thought that I would have so little time in a day....so little that I even could not find time to shop for groceries at the beggining of the week. But well...I made it through alive a hectic week.
Although yea..it was pretty stressful and tiring coz we're expected to be on our toes with all our cases and medical knowledge when presenting to the doctor...I learnt a lot this week. Things that can never be found in books or quantified in any form of value.
Its so easy as medical students to want to get the best cases or the best patients to clerk and examine and learn from. To fight for opportunities in wards or wherever to do certain procedures under a doctor's supervision. To elicit positive signs on interesting patients. And I have to admit I was one of them. Time and time again during ward teachings, we were reminded to look beyond a disease or a clinical sign. But to look into people's hearts, emotions and reactions towards the disease and put ourselves in their shoes. Empathy....
But I encountered a lady...who had cancer, but she doesn't know it. I had to clerk her coz I was assigned that particular bed and I did. I got frustrated at the beggining coz I wasnt able to get a good history from her and she kept changing the topic. She got discharged soon enough and I thought...oh well, guess she's gone and I dont have to bother about her case anymore. After all the history I took from her wasnt complete.
The following week, she was admitted again. And I didnt want to clerk her again coz I know I failed to do a good job previously. But out of boredom at the wards, I chatted with her a bit and found out she was discharged just to do a scan outside. I asked my friend to clerk her and see if he could get a better history...and at that time she was more open to talking to us than before. Of course, she still changed the subject a lot.
As the week went on, we chatted with her until finally one day, I overheard that the surgeon was going to tell her that it was confirmed that she had cancer. I dont know if she was told to have cancer literally, but she knew there was a growth in her. And when we approached her after that, she shared with me her sadness and confusion.
I'd never thought that I would have such an encounter so fast, since I just started surgical. But yea...it taught me to be more humane and compassionate. I realised I was so caught up academically, I forgot why I wanted to be a doctor in the first place. It was an early wake up call I guess. So I took the opportunity to pray for her with my friend as she was a Christian. She was so thankful to us...but I think I was more thankful for her appearing in my life making me realise how selfish I've been.
I hope and pray the very best for her health and her family as they go through this bumpy road. But I believe no matter what God will bring her through. That I know for sure.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
My FaB 21st...
I never thought or wanted my 21st birthday to be such a big deal. Although I do admit that when I was younger and watched friends older than me celebrating theirs with great parties, I wished I had one like that. But when it came to my turn...the feeling was gone. In fact, I didnt want anything out of it. All I want was a simple dinner with my family members and mayb later celebrate in a small scale with my friends.
But...I had the best birthday ever. It was way beyond what I expected.
To start, I had 3 birthday cakes. First was with my church youth friends...which was super fun as I celebrated with all the other October and November babies...
Then the highlight of my day, the dinner I had with my family. I called both my grandpas and my mum's siblings (all my aunts and uncles coz we usually hav dinner together on saturdays anyway). As most of you know, my grandpa (mum's dad) recovered from cancer not to long ago and has been having chronic back pain...was willing to stay awake (he usually sleeps by 6pm everyday), wear his best suit (he hardly dresses up, even when we go out for meals..he still wears his pyjamas) which he made my aunt prepare way before earlier in the day and join me and the rest of my family for dinner. Everyone, not only myself was so shocked and amazed with the effort he put in just to celebrate my 21st with me. My grandpa was never an affectionate person...but to see him making such an effort is so very rare although it may seem little.
What more can I ask for?? It definitely beats any birthday present or party I can ever throw. It was such a valuable moment which I hope I shall never ever forget or take for granted.
Furthermore, I had a bonus!! A 3rd celebration in Seremban!! My housemates and friends (Christabel, Iona, Baxter, Bee Yan, Johan and Nisha) surprised me with a beautiful jelly-like cake. Total of 3 celebrations on my 21st bday...what can beat that??
God never fail to amaze me as I grow and reach different phases of my life. Blessings that He gives are never limited but more than we can ever expect or imagine. What more can I ask for??
But...I had the best birthday ever. It was way beyond what I expected.
To start, I had 3 birthday cakes. First was with my church youth friends...which was super fun as I celebrated with all the other October and November babies...
Then the highlight of my day, the dinner I had with my family. I called both my grandpas and my mum's siblings (all my aunts and uncles coz we usually hav dinner together on saturdays anyway). As most of you know, my grandpa (mum's dad) recovered from cancer not to long ago and has been having chronic back pain...was willing to stay awake (he usually sleeps by 6pm everyday), wear his best suit (he hardly dresses up, even when we go out for meals..he still wears his pyjamas) which he made my aunt prepare way before earlier in the day and join me and the rest of my family for dinner. Everyone, not only myself was so shocked and amazed with the effort he put in just to celebrate my 21st with me. My grandpa was never an affectionate person...but to see him making such an effort is so very rare although it may seem little.
What more can I ask for?? It definitely beats any birthday present or party I can ever throw. It was such a valuable moment which I hope I shall never ever forget or take for granted.
Furthermore, I had a bonus!! A 3rd celebration in Seremban!! My housemates and friends (Christabel, Iona, Baxter, Bee Yan, Johan and Nisha) surprised me with a beautiful jelly-like cake. Total of 3 celebrations on my 21st bday...what can beat that??
God never fail to amaze me as I grow and reach different phases of my life. Blessings that He gives are never limited but more than we can ever expect or imagine. What more can I ask for??
Friday, October 20, 2006
FaMiLY MeD
I've reached the 7th week of my family medicine posting which marks the end of this posting... Things seem to be moving really fast coz its feels like yesterday I was struggling with 1st phase exams wondering will I ever reach clinical school in Seremban. And...here I am...completing my 1st posting with exam coming up the week after Raya....
I've learnt a lot and seen a lot...Being grilled by the doctor each teaching session...
"What's your differential diagnosis for a patient with backache??"
"What are the medications for a patient with HPT??"
"What murmur is this??"
Looking at nurses dressing up diabetic wounds that are holes, so deep that u can see the flesh and even bone...clearing up the necrotic tissue by doing sloughing which is soo painful u wanna scream for the patient just by watching but guess wat?? Patient doesn't even feel a thing!! Coa they've loss the pain sensation due to diabetes. Performing ECGs and vision tests multiple times at the clinic till u get bored of it. Taking blood from pregnant mums (my patient complained it was painful to the other mothers and later on no one allowed us to do on them...SOBs) But at least I had one try =)
Begging patients to allow us to take their history or use them as our patients for learning...
Having to work on my cantonese and mandarin....so I can communicate with the patients better
Going to "Curry Leaf" or "RM3.50" shop for lunch...
Clinical school's definitely way more interesting than phase I but...of course, its tougher and more challenging in many ways. Learning to apply my knowledge clinically is still a challenge for me and I'm sure for everyone...but I'm glad that I'm growing to like this field more and more...
Exam's coming..Got assignments and reports to finish!! Arrgh!!
I've learnt a lot and seen a lot...Being grilled by the doctor each teaching session...
"What's your differential diagnosis for a patient with backache??"
"What are the medications for a patient with HPT??"
"What murmur is this??"
Looking at nurses dressing up diabetic wounds that are holes, so deep that u can see the flesh and even bone...clearing up the necrotic tissue by doing sloughing which is soo painful u wanna scream for the patient just by watching but guess wat?? Patient doesn't even feel a thing!! Coa they've loss the pain sensation due to diabetes. Performing ECGs and vision tests multiple times at the clinic till u get bored of it. Taking blood from pregnant mums (my patient complained it was painful to the other mothers and later on no one allowed us to do on them...SOBs) But at least I had one try =)
Begging patients to allow us to take their history or use them as our patients for learning...
Having to work on my cantonese and mandarin....so I can communicate with the patients better
Going to "Curry Leaf" or "RM3.50" shop for lunch...
Clinical school's definitely way more interesting than phase I but...of course, its tougher and more challenging in many ways. Learning to apply my knowledge clinically is still a challenge for me and I'm sure for everyone...but I'm glad that I'm growing to like this field more and more...
Exam's coming..Got assignments and reports to finish!! Arrgh!!
Sunday, October 08, 2006
New Week...New Challenges...
Time really flies...It's now week 5 of clinicals and each day I learn something totally new. Tomorrow onwards I'm posted to the maternal and child health clinic where we're exposed to pregnant mums and babies. Get to see how check-ups are done for soon-to-be mums and tiny cute toddlers coming for follow-ups too. Going to be another cool and interesting week. Hope my growing interest will last and not die off...Haha!! Especially with exams around the corner.
On the other hand, I feel like I'm kinda struggling inside about an issue which I never thought I would have to struggle with, ever. Grown-ups and role models whom I look up to for years, people I thought I would like to be someday...just failed to be the people I thought they were. I mean even the place I hold close to my heart most of my life...one of the very few places that would never fail to make me feel safe...now, it takes effort for me to even wanna move my butt to go. I'm so confused with differentiating what's right and wrong now. The clarity I used to have seemed to be gone. I really hope that this wouldn't affect me spiritually coz so far it hasn't really.
How do you trust people again after they have failed you in some way?? Furthermore they may not even realise it or they're too caught up with they're own agenda. Do time really heal broken trust?? Now, to me, the only people I can trust are God and my family...**full stop** Isn't that sad?? I mean friendships cant be built or formed without trust. And I'm starting to give up on trusting most people around me. Will it continue?? Will I be able to get back my safe place?? Or do I have to look for a new safe place??
On the other hand, I feel like I'm kinda struggling inside about an issue which I never thought I would have to struggle with, ever. Grown-ups and role models whom I look up to for years, people I thought I would like to be someday...just failed to be the people I thought they were. I mean even the place I hold close to my heart most of my life...one of the very few places that would never fail to make me feel safe...now, it takes effort for me to even wanna move my butt to go. I'm so confused with differentiating what's right and wrong now. The clarity I used to have seemed to be gone. I really hope that this wouldn't affect me spiritually coz so far it hasn't really.
How do you trust people again after they have failed you in some way?? Furthermore they may not even realise it or they're too caught up with they're own agenda. Do time really heal broken trust?? Now, to me, the only people I can trust are God and my family...**full stop** Isn't that sad?? I mean friendships cant be built or formed without trust. And I'm starting to give up on trusting most people around me. Will it continue?? Will I be able to get back my safe place?? Or do I have to look for a new safe place??
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Home Is Where The Heart Is...
Today, my family had a thanksgiving dinner to celebrate my grandpa although yea...it was a Chinese one but so wat??Its thanksgiving!! His stomach CA was totally cleared by surgery...doc confirmed that it was only at the surface and although we delayed it for 2 months, my grandpa's already fully healed from surgery in less than a week. Amazing!! Praise God!! Never failed to answer my prayers...
Its already been a month since I moved in to my Seremban house. It the 1st time in my entire life I moved out from home although yea...I still go home and get to see my family on weekends. Ever since I've been in Seremban, home back in KL is such a treasure to me. When Thursday arrives...my heart wants to fly home as soon as possible. But once I'm home on Friday, Sunday appears in an instant flash and I have to drag my 2 feet back to Seremban.
In Seremban, I'm totally on my own. Although yes, I have housemates but...the warmth of my home...the security..."comfyness" of being in my familiar surrounding...just the presence of my family members whom I'm so used to having around is missing!! These were the things I took for granted before, but now...its something I treasure and look forward to a lot. I thought I was prepared. And physically I was!! My mum made sure I had everything. But like we always say... in life we can't have everything and I'm still lucky coz I still get to see my family each week unlike people overseas studying. But, its trully been a challenge for me.
I'm still learning to be strong on my own...to take care of myself both physically and mentally. So far I'm making progress, but its just so hard to push myself to go back to Seremban after returning home on weekends. It's a new week tomorrow...looking forward for Friday to come!!
Its already been a month since I moved in to my Seremban house. It the 1st time in my entire life I moved out from home although yea...I still go home and get to see my family on weekends. Ever since I've been in Seremban, home back in KL is such a treasure to me. When Thursday arrives...my heart wants to fly home as soon as possible. But once I'm home on Friday, Sunday appears in an instant flash and I have to drag my 2 feet back to Seremban.
In Seremban, I'm totally on my own. Although yes, I have housemates but...the warmth of my home...the security..."comfyness" of being in my familiar surrounding...just the presence of my family members whom I'm so used to having around is missing!! These were the things I took for granted before, but now...its something I treasure and look forward to a lot. I thought I was prepared. And physically I was!! My mum made sure I had everything. But like we always say... in life we can't have everything and I'm still lucky coz I still get to see my family each week unlike people overseas studying. But, its trully been a challenge for me.
I'm still learning to be strong on my own...to take care of myself both physically and mentally. So far I'm making progress, but its just so hard to push myself to go back to Seremban after returning home on weekends. It's a new week tomorrow...looking forward for Friday to come!!
Sunday, September 24, 2006
First Week In Health Clinic....
Another week in the tiny town of Seremban has passed...and my weekend back home is also ending....**SOBS**New week's coming ahead..
Lifestyle here isnt much different than KL, just that its strange coz I'm living on my own... But I'm getting the hang of things although I've locked myself out of my room once and lost my car key...my mum had to drive up to send me the spare.
First weeek at the health clinic...very interesting...I've learnt a lot especially when attached to the IMU doc's teaching room...we look for patients at the out patient department and bring them to the IMU consultation room. Then we'll take history from the patient either on our own or in front of the doc. Later we'll also do physical examination on them under supervision by the doc. Doc will teach along the way and finally treat the patient like any other clinic consultation. So, its totally hands on teaching dealing with real patients.
Family Medicine docs are really nice and helpful in explaining stuff and teaching us how to take a good history for various common illnesses. Although we're grilled in everyway by loads of questions....it keeps us on our toes and not fall asleep halfway. I now have to read up on all the stuff I saw in the clinic...
Clinical phase is really interesting especially when it comes to learning...and there's someone to explain it all to you. The hard part is constantly being assesed even if we don't realised that we are. And each time the doc puts a higher expectation on us.
Things are definitely way more interesting at clinics..although socially, mine's still super dull unless I go out with my good friend whose my housemate. But in the end....its just soooo good to be back home....=P
Lifestyle here isnt much different than KL, just that its strange coz I'm living on my own... But I'm getting the hang of things although I've locked myself out of my room once and lost my car key...my mum had to drive up to send me the spare.
First weeek at the health clinic...very interesting...I've learnt a lot especially when attached to the IMU doc's teaching room...we look for patients at the out patient department and bring them to the IMU consultation room. Then we'll take history from the patient either on our own or in front of the doc. Later we'll also do physical examination on them under supervision by the doc. Doc will teach along the way and finally treat the patient like any other clinic consultation. So, its totally hands on teaching dealing with real patients.
Family Medicine docs are really nice and helpful in explaining stuff and teaching us how to take a good history for various common illnesses. Although we're grilled in everyway by loads of questions....it keeps us on our toes and not fall asleep halfway. I now have to read up on all the stuff I saw in the clinic...
Clinical phase is really interesting especially when it comes to learning...and there's someone to explain it all to you. The hard part is constantly being assesed even if we don't realised that we are. And each time the doc puts a higher expectation on us.
Things are definitely way more interesting at clinics..although socially, mine's still super dull unless I go out with my good friend whose my housemate. But in the end....its just soooo good to be back home....=P
First Week In Health Clinic....
Another week in the tiny town of Seremban has passed...and my weekend back home is also ending....**SOBS**New week's coming ahead..
Lifestyle here isnt much different than KL, just that its strange coz I'm living on my own... But I'm getting the hang of things although I've locked myself out of my room once and lost my car key...my mum had to drive up to send me the spare.
First weeek at the health clinic...very interesting...I've learnt a lot especially when attached to the IMU doc's teaching room...we look for patients at the out patient department and bring them to the IMU consultation room. Then we'll take history from the patient either on our own or in front of the doc. Later we'll also do physical examination on them under supervision by the doc. Doc will teach along the way and finally treat the patient like any other clinic consultation. So, its totally hands on teaching dealing with real patients.
Family Medicine docs are really nice and helpful in explaining stuff and teaching us how to take a good history for various common illnesses. Although we're grilled in everyway by loads of questions....it keeps us on our toes and not fall asleep halfway. I now have to read up on all the stuff I saw in the clinic...
Clinical phase is really interesting especially when it comes to learning...and there's someone to explain it all to you. The hard part is constantly being assesed even if we don't realised that we are. And each time the doc puts a higher expectation on us.
Things are definitely way more interesting at clinics..although socially, mine's still super dull unless I go out with my good friend whose my housemate. But in the end....its just soooo good to be back home....=P
Lifestyle here isnt much different than KL, just that its strange coz I'm living on my own... But I'm getting the hang of things although I've locked myself out of my room once and lost my car key...my mum had to drive up to send me the spare.
First weeek at the health clinic...very interesting...I've learnt a lot especially when attached to the IMU doc's teaching room...we look for patients at the out patient department and bring them to the IMU consultation room. Then we'll take history from the patient either on our own or in front of the doc. Later we'll also do physical examination on them under supervision by the doc. Doc will teach along the way and finally treat the patient like any other clinic consultation. So, its totally hands on teaching dealing with real patients.
Family Medicine docs are really nice and helpful in explaining stuff and teaching us how to take a good history for various common illnesses. Although we're grilled in everyway by loads of questions....it keeps us on our toes and not fall asleep halfway. I now have to read up on all the stuff I saw in the clinic...
Clinical phase is really interesting especially when it comes to learning...and there's someone to explain it all to you. The hard part is constantly being assesed even if we don't realised that we are. And each time the doc puts a higher expectation on us.
Things are definitely way more interesting at clinics..although socially, mine's still super dull unless I go out with my good friend whose my housemate. But in the end....its just soooo good to be back home....=P
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Rollercoaster???
This week was a roller coaster ride. It was filled with highs and lows.
Although I'm feeling tired at home right now, it just feels so nice and safe to be home.
I've learnt a lot this week, both in the sense of my studies and life itself. I'm glad that I've learnt a lot about my current posting in family medicine although it was just through lectures which got pretty boring at times.
Grandpa's operation went well and so its such a relief. Everyone's relieved too although to them the worst is yet to come. Although he's still drowsy and would only b expected to recover in a week's time, the complications we were all worried about didnt present itself. So I thank God and everyone for their well wishes and concern and prayers.
I got hurt and upset by an incident this week involving friendship which I wanna move on from therefore I dont wanna put in any details about it. All I can say is that, the incident like my dad said was a learning experience for me although it involves hurt. I dun wanna run away just like that but I wanna pick myself up and move head on with my ambition. That would be my main priority in my new life away from home and not anything else.
At the end of the day, I liked what my lecturer told me. Every night at the end of the day, we should be thankful, pray, reflect, make a point to change according to the lessons we've learnt from the day. Rollercoasters make life interesting and life never has smooth sailing paths to follow. Nevertheless I shall not fear nor give up coz I have God, my Heavenly Father and also my family.
Although I'm feeling tired at home right now, it just feels so nice and safe to be home.
I've learnt a lot this week, both in the sense of my studies and life itself. I'm glad that I've learnt a lot about my current posting in family medicine although it was just through lectures which got pretty boring at times.
Grandpa's operation went well and so its such a relief. Everyone's relieved too although to them the worst is yet to come. Although he's still drowsy and would only b expected to recover in a week's time, the complications we were all worried about didnt present itself. So I thank God and everyone for their well wishes and concern and prayers.
I got hurt and upset by an incident this week involving friendship which I wanna move on from therefore I dont wanna put in any details about it. All I can say is that, the incident like my dad said was a learning experience for me although it involves hurt. I dun wanna run away just like that but I wanna pick myself up and move head on with my ambition. That would be my main priority in my new life away from home and not anything else.
At the end of the day, I liked what my lecturer told me. Every night at the end of the day, we should be thankful, pray, reflect, make a point to change according to the lessons we've learnt from the day. Rollercoasters make life interesting and life never has smooth sailing paths to follow. Nevertheless I shall not fear nor give up coz I have God, my Heavenly Father and also my family.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Good News...
After all the on going discussions, finally a decision was made to send my grandpa to do the EUS (electroultrasonography) and thank God the cancer is still at its initial stage although it has sort of moved a little.
And now, the talk among my aunts and uncles are chaging. There's a strong indication now that they to have become in favour of a surgery being done for my grandpa. Finally!! What a relief!!
Although nothing has been confirmed yet, this change is a good sign. There's a chance!!
So talks now would focus on surgery cost and aftercare for my grandpa. Praise God!!
And now, the talk among my aunts and uncles are chaging. There's a strong indication now that they to have become in favour of a surgery being done for my grandpa. Finally!! What a relief!!
Although nothing has been confirmed yet, this change is a good sign. There's a chance!!
So talks now would focus on surgery cost and aftercare for my grandpa. Praise God!!
Life in C206 Seremban...
During Phase I of med school I always dreamed of quickly passing sem 5 and moving on to clinical phase. After overcoming challenge after challenge in Phase I, I thought no challenge can scare me anymore since sem 5 was already so hard.
But lo, and behold!! Welcome to Clinical School life in Seremban!! Great!! New place...new environment...sounds so cool and exciting!!
Well, after a week's orientation...the hype of it all has been washed away like a huge tsunami drowning all excitement and turning it to fear.
One simple mistake made by any student especially matters regarding punctuality, dress code and attendance are made known to the entire faculty of the school including the librarian.
School hours now equal working hours unlike previously where lecs were only 2 hours a day.
Everything involves independence where any form of guidance is limited to the very minimum.
Being a freshie there is no fun at all. Lots of tasks to prepare for.
The worst part is the fear of our teachers, the doctors. Having to make sure we give a good impression to the very detail of the way we dress from the very 1st day is how strict things are there. Most of there are pretty cold although seniors mentioned that most of the doctors are pretty nice.
Having a months break I've forgotten a whole bulk of stuff especially my clinical skills. That isnt helping at all and next week the torture begins. Talk about having no life in phase I...Look at Phase II!! Everyone's so busy there that there's no societies or clubs in the uni at all. The work load from sem6 itself is so heavy, imagine progressing to the next semesters with increasing difficulty levels.
Positively, learning will definitely become way more interesting as we will be able to see the real stuff instead of plastic models and pictures in books. A chance to get to know my shrunken batch much better is something I look forward to. Plus, got yummy food in Seremban...my favourite Hakka mee, beef noodles and siew pau....life isnt that miserable la. Just challenging and scary!!
But being tested and pushed out of my comfort zone has been a challenge I've been looking for and I believe this is what God is putting me through to mould me to be both a better person and doctor. So, just take every challenge one at a time....and be prepared lo!!=p
But lo, and behold!! Welcome to Clinical School life in Seremban!! Great!! New place...new environment...sounds so cool and exciting!!
Well, after a week's orientation...the hype of it all has been washed away like a huge tsunami drowning all excitement and turning it to fear.
One simple mistake made by any student especially matters regarding punctuality, dress code and attendance are made known to the entire faculty of the school including the librarian.
School hours now equal working hours unlike previously where lecs were only 2 hours a day.
Everything involves independence where any form of guidance is limited to the very minimum.
Being a freshie there is no fun at all. Lots of tasks to prepare for.
The worst part is the fear of our teachers, the doctors. Having to make sure we give a good impression to the very detail of the way we dress from the very 1st day is how strict things are there. Most of there are pretty cold although seniors mentioned that most of the doctors are pretty nice.
Having a months break I've forgotten a whole bulk of stuff especially my clinical skills. That isnt helping at all and next week the torture begins. Talk about having no life in phase I...Look at Phase II!! Everyone's so busy there that there's no societies or clubs in the uni at all. The work load from sem6 itself is so heavy, imagine progressing to the next semesters with increasing difficulty levels.
Positively, learning will definitely become way more interesting as we will be able to see the real stuff instead of plastic models and pictures in books. A chance to get to know my shrunken batch much better is something I look forward to. Plus, got yummy food in Seremban...my favourite Hakka mee, beef noodles and siew pau....life isnt that miserable la. Just challenging and scary!!
But being tested and pushed out of my comfort zone has been a challenge I've been looking for and I believe this is what God is putting me through to mould me to be both a better person and doctor. So, just take every challenge one at a time....and be prepared lo!!=p
Life in C206 Seremban...
During Phase I of med school I always dreamed of quickly passing sem 5 and moving on to clinical phase. After overcoming challenge after challenge in Phase I, I thought no challenge can scare me anymore since sem 5 was already so hard.
But lo, and behold!! Welcome to Clinical School life in Seremban!! Great!! New place...new environment...sounds so cool and exciting!!
Well, after a week's orientation...the hype of it all has been washed away like a huge tsunami drowning all excitement and turning it to fear.
One simple mistake made by any student especially matters regarding punctuality, dress code and attendance are made known to the entire faculty of the school including the librarian.
School hours now equal working hours unlike previously where lecs were only 2 hours a day.
Everything involves independence where any form of guidance is limited to the very minimum.
Being a freshie there is no fun at all. Lots of tasks to prepare for.
The worst part is the fear of our teachers, the doctors. Having to make sure we give a good impression to the very detail of the way we dress from the very 1st day is how strict things are there. Most of there are pretty cold although seniors mentioned that most of the doctors are pretty nice.
Having a months break I've forgotten a whole bulk of stuff especially my clinical skills. That isnt helping at all and next week the torture begins. Talk about having no life in phase I...Look at Phase II!! Everyone's so busy there that there's no societies or clubs in the uni at all. The work load from sem6 itself is so heavy, imagine progressing to the next semesters with increasing difficulty levels.
Positively, learning will definitely become way more interesting as we will be able to see the real stuff instead of plastic models and pictures in books. A chance to get to know my shrunken batch much better is something I look forward to. Plus, got yummy food in Seremban...my favourite Hakka mee, beef noodles and siew pau....life isnt that miserable la. Just challenging and scary!!
But being tested and pushed out of my comfort zone has been a challenge I've been looking for and I believe this is what God is putting me through to mould me to be both a better person and doctor. So, just take every challenge one at a time....and be prepared lo!!=p
But lo, and behold!! Welcome to Clinical School life in Seremban!! Great!! New place...new environment...sounds so cool and exciting!!
Well, after a week's orientation...the hype of it all has been washed away like a huge tsunami drowning all excitement and turning it to fear.
One simple mistake made by any student especially matters regarding punctuality, dress code and attendance are made known to the entire faculty of the school including the librarian.
School hours now equal working hours unlike previously where lecs were only 2 hours a day.
Everything involves independence where any form of guidance is limited to the very minimum.
Being a freshie there is no fun at all. Lots of tasks to prepare for.
The worst part is the fear of our teachers, the doctors. Having to make sure we give a good impression to the very detail of the way we dress from the very 1st day is how strict things are there. Most of there are pretty cold although seniors mentioned that most of the doctors are pretty nice.
Having a months break I've forgotten a whole bulk of stuff especially my clinical skills. That isnt helping at all and next week the torture begins. Talk about having no life in phase I...Look at Phase II!! Everyone's so busy there that there's no societies or clubs in the uni at all. The work load from sem6 itself is so heavy, imagine progressing to the next semesters with increasing difficulty levels.
Positively, learning will definitely become way more interesting as we will be able to see the real stuff instead of plastic models and pictures in books. A chance to get to know my shrunken batch much better is something I look forward to. Plus, got yummy food in Seremban...my favourite Hakka mee, beef noodles and siew pau....life isnt that miserable la. Just challenging and scary!!
But being tested and pushed out of my comfort zone has been a challenge I've been looking for and I believe this is what God is putting me through to mould me to be both a better person and doctor. So, just take every challenge one at a time....and be prepared lo!!=p
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