LiViNG LiFe 2 THe MaX..!!

BiTTeR...SWeeT

2007-10-28T23:55:00.000+08:00

Every year we celebrate the day we gain another year older...
Can't believe it...I've just turned 22 and its another 1+ year I should graduate if all goes well.

It seemed like yesterday I felt like I was the luckiest person ever to be able to celebrate my 21st with the entire family...the people that have special places in my heart (Just love my big family). And it seemed like yesterday I was told that my grandpa who hadn't been feeling well made an effort to wear his best outfit to celebrate my 21st with me when he could have remained on his bed. Both my grandpas in fact celebrated with me...

Today...I never thought I would miss him so much. We had another birthday dinner together as a family again...but this time...I was missing my grandpa. The guy whom I visit every weekend no matter what. The guy who seemed cool and emotionless but has lots of love to give especially to his grandchildren. The guy who got himself out of bed and dressed his best just to celebrate my 21st birthday although he was always unwell and lying on the bed.

I couldn't help but be reminded of last year...his presence with each of us. I never thought I would miss him so much. My eyes became teary but I held it back. It is a happy occasion and I'm sure he's happy for me too. But I miss him dearly. Somehow there's still that empty space in my heart. I still haven't adapted to the fact that he's gone...and that my Saturdays would be free from traveling to his house to visit him.

Nevertheless...I'm glad my mum still organized the dinner with the entire family although my grandpa isn't around anymore. Its still a great feeling to have dinner with my uncles, aunts and cousins...to catch up with them like how we've always done every weekend with my grandpa.

Thank God I still have another grandpa staying with me although I still do miss this grandpa of mine dearly...But I had a great birthday!!

CooL FReNs aT iPoTs...BeSt CaMp YeT!! =)

2007-10-28T23:48:00.000+08:00

iPoTs..OcT 2007

2007-10-28T23:43:00.000+08:00

-VolunTeeRinG aT BeThaNY HoMe-

2007-10-28T23:33:00.000+08:00

SeaSoN oF GooDBYeS...

2007-03-14T22:47:00.000+08:00

It is so true when we talk about being touched by people around us...
We often get caught up with our work and studies causing us to take people placed by God around us for granted. This is understandable coz we live such busy lives with so many things to handle at once and hence, emotions and feelings are usually placed in the least priority.
I would be the first to admit that my life has been so. Although I try my very best to appreciate the people around me as much as I can, still it isnt enough.

This week I'm saying farewell 3 times to 4 beautiful individuals. Most of the time, I tend to forget or I didnt realise how much of an impact they have made on me.

The first was to say goodbye to a young beautiful girl...whom I recently found out had left this world due to an uncorrectable illness. I was assigned as part of my med course to follow up on her in every aspect of her life with a colleague. We got to know her and her family and we were amazed by her carefreeness, innocence and joy. Her simple view of what the world was like unknowingly touched my heart. I honestly could not believe the sudden news of her death bcoz I'd never thought she would have to go so quickly and suddenly. She has touched me in ways I cant describe but she would be someone I would remember for a long time.

The second was a goodbye to a dear lecturer whose dedication, love and commitment to the CF of our uni had touched many hearts including mine. Although I've really known him for about 6 months but his knowledge both in medicine and Christian living...about God really inspired me to be a better person than what or who I already am. His gentleness and humility yet someone with so much wisdom in 2 wide areas...is something I admire a lot. And its sad to let such a person go...

Last goodbye this week would be 2 dear friends whom I remember touched my heart on one of my birthday. No one has done such a sweet thing for me!! They actually bought and sent me a bouquet of flowers and a gift right to my doorstep. Ever since then, we got closer and they've been such inspiration and encouragers in my life. Such sincere friendship I never tought I would have in my entire life. I love them dearly like my brother and sister and I would definitely miss them a lot!!

In life...changes takes place and surprises pops up once in a while. It forces us lazy people to move out of our comfort zones and wakes us up from being too lenient in our daily living. Although it can be tough and painful sometimes, I believe each event or goodbyes that we say to the people we love and hold close to our hearts...has a lesson or reason behind. But the explanation may not be seen clearly immediately...we need patience and faith in God.

All I can say is I wish the very best and all the goodness in the world to these people...We'll meet someday...somewhere!! God Bless!!

BeiNG aT a PLaTeAu PHaSe??

2007-02-15T02:21:00.000+08:00

We always say life's like a rollercoaster filled with ups and downs. But sometimes, life also becomes stagnant....it reaches a plateau phase and thats where I think I'm at right now....
Maybe it has been going on for sometime and I didnt realise it...

Being at a point where things are just going at a plateau pattern can be quite frustrating and takes patience to overcome. I really don't know if its God's way of training me or its just me making my life such a dull one. At such a stage I cant help but feel like I've lost my passion or sense of direction. Its not that I dont know my end goal...coz I do know! But, just am feeling lost while journeying through this path...no excitement, nothing much to look forward to...

I mean people around me seemed to have so many happenings going on around them...and when they share wat they've been going through it all sounds to exciting and interesting. Cant help to start wonder how come my life is all of a sudden so dull??

I suppose the only thing that would help is TIME....let this phase pass...and patiently wait after God to show me the next level in my journey in life...who knows?? All I can say is that I have unmeasurable thanks to God who blessed me with such a smoot and good life so far...and it beats all doubts definitely!!

WhaT HaVe I DoNe???

2007-01-13T01:02:00.000+08:00

I've always thought making friends was easy as long as there's understanding, openess, tolerance and of course FUN!! But I guess things dont always go the way I would like it to be or life cant just be up and up and up all the time...so does relationships, sad to say.

So, what more bout living with others??? There's definitely wrong at my part for being impatient, judgemental and close minded at times...and I'd hope that things would go my way. I'm trying really hard not to be like that...but I still feel like I've been getting the cold shoulder or I've offended someone unexpectedly in some way.

Well, I would definitely apologise to that person if I've done anything wrong...and that its definitely not intentional in anyway. Not knowing what I did wrong...cant blame me if I'm still stepping on your toes.

Maybe I'm overly sensitive...I really don't know. Its just hard to feel that way especially when you're living under the same roof. I guess not everyone will like me and I'm me....and we're all different so disagreements happen I guess.

Just hate the feeling of not knowing what I did wrong that's all. To me, even if I didnt do anything wrong, I'm guilty coz I've made the person dislike me I guess...Anyway cant please everyone...so, life goes on and on my part, I'm learning each day to be a better person and a better doctor. Guess, cant put all the blame on myself and maybe its ok to be disliked sometimes!! Who knows!!

Surgery....I'm Done....!!

2006-12-22T21:33:00.000+08:00

Clinical School life have been moving so quickly I can't believe surgical posting's over and the toughest posting in sem 6...Internel Medicine...starts next week!!

I have to admit that switching from Family Med posting to Surgery was tough and it took some time for me to adapt with such busy schedules. It was pretty overwhelming at the beggining but thank God things soon got better with friends and helpful lecturers around.

The clinic and hospital environment are definitely 2 very different settings altogether. And to those people who still think that surgeons are just tailors or technicians and all they know is cutting open their patients...I can tell u for sure that you're very wrong!!

Here are some of the things I've experienced during my 7 week surgical posting:

I forgot most of my basic sciences from phase I and had to struggle to answer questions from lecturers "????"
Going to wards at night is super tiring!! Miss Family Med!!
Mamak-ing....Watching movies....Lepak-ing....FUN!!
We're not treating gallbladders or liver or lumps...we're treating people!! Patients!!
Good place for a quick nap before TBLs or CSUs....Student Lounge!!
PD Hospital is such a nice place....
Standing in OT for 3 hours....haih...Leg Pain d!!
Describing lumps..ulcers...swellings...Lipoma??Cyst??Attached to skin??Mobile??Arrgh!!
PD Hospital's OT is like a freezer...Super COLD!! Bcome ICE d...
Q:"Whats the difference between small gut and large gut??"... A:"Small gut is..SMALL; Large gut is...BIG!!"
Q:"What do you see on an X-ray??" A:"BLACK and WHITE!!"....reply,"You will survive!!"
Road trip to PD Hospital on my greenie car....a.k.a..."MiniBUS!!"
Simple surgical procedures can make a whole lot of change to a patient's well being
Surgeons do spend more time consulting patients than cutting them open.
Nature is the best healer and doctors just witness the events take place while collecting money.
Grilled by lecturers during case presentations until end of posting exam till no more sweat left....PHEW!!

Yes..I am relieved to have finished exams finally...but surgical posting turned out to be so much better than I thought it would be. I've learnt a lot from every surgeon whether the hospital staff or IMU lecturers...especially during case presentations although yea...leg also aching...back also painful...kena kutuk....but....these are the things that made it all interesting!!

Sad to say..its goodbye to surgery for now...and its back to square one with adapting to a new posting...Looking forward to this one though...Hopefully I'm right!!

CHaNGe...INeVitaBLe???

2006-12-03T00:09:00.000+08:00

Change..either we look forward to it with open arms...or we are caught off guard causing turmoil in our lives.

Church life has been such a big part of my life as far as I can remember...and being active in ministry I grew a lot and got inspired a lot by many people I've come across with. Church life is so important that not going on any Sunday would seem really strange the rest of the week. And I enjoy the fellowship with both youths and adults I've known for many years.

Lately, I seem to be unable to accept the changes I see in the church. I've tried to keep an open mind to every explanation given both by church leaders and ministry leaders and placed hope in the promises made by them. But each time, I seem to be dissapointed and now I'm just lost.

Giving up being part of ministry for more than 6 months...church life seem to be even more distant. Its just so sad to be feeling this way when I thought church life is something that would never ever die at any point of my life. Coz it has made me who I am today. I grew up in this environment.

Why am I feeling lost or getting dissapointed so much?? Is it really wrong to have expectations for myself?? Expectations that I'd be growing and learning from church and ministry leaders?? Is God pushing me away from the ministry I've been in all this while?? How do I keep an open mind to change that I am only able to see negative outcomes?? Should I just let that happen?? Just give up?? Not bother??

Somehow...I have all the answers to those questions already. But I guess, I've not learnt to accept a lot of it yet. But I do know that there's a lot more laid ahead by God for me and my journey in life has barely begun. I just really hope that God would show me a new area of ministry soon which I can be passionate about again so that I wont feel so lost.

I guess..most importantly is seeking God's will in every change or decision made and to trust that any change that comes my way God is in control of it. I hope that I can find the objectiveness and total trust soon and release all the dissapointments and worries to Him. Time will tell and time will heal...

Surgical Week...An encounter I wont forget

2006-11-19T17:41:00.000+08:00

I know I haven't been posting up anything lately...thats bcoz life's been really busy at Seremban

I never thought that I would have so little time in a day....so little that I even could not find time to shop for groceries at the beggining of the week. But well...I made it through alive a hectic week.

Although yea..it was pretty stressful and tiring coz we're expected to be on our toes with all our cases and medical knowledge when presenting to the doctor...I learnt a lot this week. Things that can never be found in books or quantified in any form of value.

Its so easy as medical students to want to get the best cases or the best patients to clerk and examine and learn from. To fight for opportunities in wards or wherever to do certain procedures under a doctor's supervision. To elicit positive signs on interesting patients. And I have to admit I was one of them. Time and time again during ward teachings, we were reminded to look beyond a disease or a clinical sign. But to look into people's hearts, emotions and reactions towards the disease and put ourselves in their shoes. Empathy....

But I encountered a lady...who had cancer, but she doesn't know it. I had to clerk her coz I was assigned that particular bed and I did. I got frustrated at the beggining coz I wasnt able to get a good history from her and she kept changing the topic. She got discharged soon enough and I thought...oh well, guess she's gone and I dont have to bother about her case anymore. After all the history I took from her wasnt complete.

The following week, she was admitted again. And I didnt want to clerk her again coz I know I failed to do a good job previously. But out of boredom at the wards, I chatted with her a bit and found out she was discharged just to do a scan outside. I asked my friend to clerk her and see if he could get a better history...and at that time she was more open to talking to us than before. Of course, she still changed the subject a lot.

As the week went on, we chatted with her until finally one day, I overheard that the surgeon was going to tell her that it was confirmed that she had cancer. I dont know if she was told to have cancer literally, but she knew there was a growth in her. And when we approached her after that, she shared with me her sadness and confusion.

I'd never thought that I would have such an encounter so fast, since I just started surgical. But yea...it taught me to be more humane and compassionate. I realised I was so caught up academically, I forgot why I wanted to be a doctor in the first place. It was an early wake up call I guess. So I took the opportunity to pray for her with my friend as she was a Christian. She was so thankful to us...but I think I was more thankful for her appearing in my life making me realise how selfish I've been.

I hope and pray the very best for her health and her family as they go through this bumpy road. But I believe no matter what God will bring her through. That I know for sure.

My FaB 21st...

2006-11-01T17:26:00.000+08:00

I never thought or wanted my 21st birthday to be such a big deal. Although I do admit that when I was younger and watched friends older than me celebrating theirs with great parties, I wished I had one like that. But when it came to my turn...the feeling was gone. In fact, I didnt want anything out of it. All I want was a simple dinner with my family members and mayb later celebrate in a small scale with my friends.

But...I had the best birthday ever. It was way beyond what I expected.
To start, I had 3 birthday cakes. First was with my church youth friends...which was super fun as I celebrated with all the other October and November babies...

Then the highlight of my day, the dinner I had with my family. I called both my grandpas and my mum's siblings (all my aunts and uncles coz we usually hav dinner together on saturdays anyway). As most of you know, my grandpa (mum's dad) recovered from cancer not to long ago and has been having chronic back pain...was willing to stay awake (he usually sleeps by 6pm everyday), wear his best suit (he hardly dresses up, even when we go out for meals..he still wears his pyjamas) which he made my aunt prepare way before earlier in the day and join me and the rest of my family for dinner. Everyone, not only myself was so shocked and amazed with the effort he put in just to celebrate my 21st with me. My grandpa was never an affectionate person...but to see him making such an effort is so very rare although it may seem little.

What more can I ask for?? It definitely beats any birthday present or party I can ever throw. It was such a valuable moment which I hope I shall never ever forget or take for granted.

Furthermore, I had a bonus!! A 3rd celebration in Seremban!! My housemates and friends (Christabel, Iona, Baxter, Bee Yan, Johan and Nisha) surprised me with a beautiful jelly-like cake. Total of 3 celebrations on my 21st bday...what can beat that??

God never fail to amaze me as I grow and reach different phases of my life. Blessings that He gives are never limited but more than we can ever expect or imagine. What more can I ask for??

FaMiLY MeD

2006-10-20T21:10:00.000+08:00

I've reached the 7th week of my family medicine posting which marks the end of this posting... Things seem to be moving really fast coz its feels like yesterday I was struggling with 1st phase exams wondering will I ever reach clinical school in Seremban. And...here I am...completing my 1st posting with exam coming up the week after Raya....

I've learnt a lot and seen a lot...Being grilled by the doctor each teaching session...
"What's your differential diagnosis for a patient with backache??"
"What are the medications for a patient with HPT??"
"What murmur is this??"
Looking at nurses dressing up diabetic wounds that are holes, so deep that u can see the flesh and even bone...clearing up the necrotic tissue by doing sloughing which is soo painful u wanna scream for the patient just by watching but guess wat?? Patient doesn't even feel a thing!! Coa they've loss the pain sensation due to diabetes. Performing ECGs and vision tests multiple times at the clinic till u get bored of it. Taking blood from pregnant mums (my patient complained it was painful to the other mothers and later on no one allowed us to do on them...SOBs) But at least I had one try =)
Begging patients to allow us to take their history or use them as our patients for learning...
Having to work on my cantonese and mandarin....so I can communicate with the patients better
Going to "Curry Leaf" or "RM3.50" shop for lunch...

Clinical school's definitely way more interesting than phase I but...of course, its tougher and more challenging in many ways. Learning to apply my knowledge clinically is still a challenge for me and I'm sure for everyone...but I'm glad that I'm growing to like this field more and more...
Exam's coming..Got assignments and reports to finish!! Arrgh!!

New Week...New Challenges...

2006-10-08T23:50:00.000+08:00

Time really flies...It's now week 5 of clinicals and each day I learn something totally new. Tomorrow onwards I'm posted to the maternal and child health clinic where we're exposed to pregnant mums and babies. Get to see how check-ups are done for soon-to-be mums and tiny cute toddlers coming for follow-ups too. Going to be another cool and interesting week. Hope my growing interest will last and not die off...Haha!! Especially with exams around the corner.

On the other hand, I feel like I'm kinda struggling inside about an issue which I never thought I would have to struggle with, ever. Grown-ups and role models whom I look up to for years, people I thought I would like to be someday...just failed to be the people I thought they were. I mean even the place I hold close to my heart most of my life...one of the very few places that would never fail to make me feel safe...now, it takes effort for me to even wanna move my butt to go. I'm so confused with differentiating what's right and wrong now. The clarity I used to have seemed to be gone. I really hope that this wouldn't affect me spiritually coz so far it hasn't really.

How do you trust people again after they have failed you in some way?? Furthermore they may not even realise it or they're too caught up with they're own agenda. Do time really heal broken trust?? Now, to me, the only people I can trust are God and my family...**full stop** Isn't that sad?? I mean friendships cant be built or formed without trust. And I'm starting to give up on trusting most people around me. Will it continue?? Will I be able to get back my safe place?? Or do I have to look for a new safe place??

Home Is Where The Heart Is...

2006-10-01T21:44:00.000+08:00

Today, my family had a thanksgiving dinner to celebrate my grandpa although yea...it was a Chinese one but so wat??Its thanksgiving!! His stomach CA was totally cleared by surgery...doc confirmed that it was only at the surface and although we delayed it for 2 months, my grandpa's already fully healed from surgery in less than a week. Amazing!! Praise God!! Never failed to answer my prayers...

Its already been a month since I moved in to my Seremban house. It the 1st time in my entire life I moved out from home although yea...I still go home and get to see my family on weekends. Ever since I've been in Seremban, home back in KL is such a treasure to me. When Thursday arrives...my heart wants to fly home as soon as possible. But once I'm home on Friday, Sunday appears in an instant flash and I have to drag my 2 feet back to Seremban.

In Seremban, I'm totally on my own. Although yes, I have housemates but...the warmth of my home...the security..."comfyness" of being in my familiar surrounding...just the presence of my family members whom I'm so used to having around is missing!! These were the things I took for granted before, but now...its something I treasure and look forward to a lot. I thought I was prepared. And physically I was!! My mum made sure I had everything. But like we always say... in life we can't have everything and I'm still lucky coz I still get to see my family each week unlike people overseas studying. But, its trully been a challenge for me.

I'm still learning to be strong on my own...to take care of myself both physically and mentally. So far I'm making progress, but its just so hard to push myself to go back to Seremban after returning home on weekends. It's a new week tomorrow...looking forward for Friday to come!!

First Week In Health Clinic....

2006-09-24T00:13:00.001+08:00

Another week in the tiny town of Seremban has passed...and my weekend back home is also ending....**SOBS**New week's coming ahead..

Lifestyle here isnt much different than KL, just that its strange coz I'm living on my own... But I'm getting the hang of things although I've locked myself out of my room once and lost my car key...my mum had to drive up to send me the spare.

First weeek at the health clinic...very interesting...I've learnt a lot especially when attached to the IMU doc's teaching room...we look for patients at the out patient department and bring them to the IMU consultation room. Then we'll take history from the patient either on our own or in front of the doc. Later we'll also do physical examination on them under supervision by the doc. Doc will teach along the way and finally treat the patient like any other clinic consultation. So, its totally hands on teaching dealing with real patients.

Family Medicine docs are really nice and helpful in explaining stuff and teaching us how to take a good history for various common illnesses. Although we're grilled in everyway by loads of questions....it keeps us on our toes and not fall asleep halfway. I now have to read up on all the stuff I saw in the clinic...

Clinical phase is really interesting especially when it comes to learning...and there's someone to explain it all to you. The hard part is constantly being assesed even if we don't realised that we are. And each time the doc puts a higher expectation on us.

Things are definitely way more interesting at clinics..although socially, mine's still super dull unless I go out with my good friend whose my housemate. But in the end....its just soooo good to be back home....=P

First Week In Health Clinic....

2006-09-24T00:13:00.000+08:00

Rollercoaster???

2006-09-16T00:56:00.000+08:00

This week was a roller coaster ride. It was filled with highs and lows.
Although I'm feeling tired at home right now, it just feels so nice and safe to be home.

I've learnt a lot this week, both in the sense of my studies and life itself. I'm glad that I've learnt a lot about my current posting in family medicine although it was just through lectures which got pretty boring at times.

Grandpa's operation went well and so its such a relief. Everyone's relieved too although to them the worst is yet to come. Although he's still drowsy and would only b expected to recover in a week's time, the complications we were all worried about didnt present itself. So I thank God and everyone for their well wishes and concern and prayers.

I got hurt and upset by an incident this week involving friendship which I wanna move on from therefore I dont wanna put in any details about it. All I can say is that, the incident like my dad said was a learning experience for me although it involves hurt. I dun wanna run away just like that but I wanna pick myself up and move head on with my ambition. That would be my main priority in my new life away from home and not anything else.

At the end of the day, I liked what my lecturer told me. Every night at the end of the day, we should be thankful, pray, reflect, make a point to change according to the lessons we've learnt from the day. Rollercoasters make life interesting and life never has smooth sailing paths to follow. Nevertheless I shall not fear nor give up coz I have God, my Heavenly Father and also my family.

Good News...

2006-09-08T21:14:00.000+08:00

After all the on going discussions, finally a decision was made to send my grandpa to do the EUS (electroultrasonography) and thank God the cancer is still at its initial stage although it has sort of moved a little.

And now, the talk among my aunts and uncles are chaging. There's a strong indication now that they to have become in favour of a surgery being done for my grandpa. Finally!! What a relief!!
Although nothing has been confirmed yet, this change is a good sign. There's a chance!!
So talks now would focus on surgery cost and aftercare for my grandpa. Praise God!!

Life in C206 Seremban...

2006-09-08T20:49:00.001+08:00

During Phase I of med school I always dreamed of quickly passing sem 5 and moving on to clinical phase. After overcoming challenge after challenge in Phase I, I thought no challenge can scare me anymore since sem 5 was already so hard.
But lo, and behold!! Welcome to Clinical School life in Seremban!! Great!! New place...new environment...sounds so cool and exciting!!

Well, after a week's orientation...the hype of it all has been washed away like a huge tsunami drowning all excitement and turning it to fear.
One simple mistake made by any student especially matters regarding punctuality, dress code and attendance are made known to the entire faculty of the school including the librarian.
School hours now equal working hours unlike previously where lecs were only 2 hours a day.
Everything involves independence where any form of guidance is limited to the very minimum.
Being a freshie there is no fun at all. Lots of tasks to prepare for.
The worst part is the fear of our teachers, the doctors. Having to make sure we give a good impression to the very detail of the way we dress from the very 1st day is how strict things are there. Most of there are pretty cold although seniors mentioned that most of the doctors are pretty nice.

Having a months break I've forgotten a whole bulk of stuff especially my clinical skills. That isnt helping at all and next week the torture begins. Talk about having no life in phase I...Look at Phase II!! Everyone's so busy there that there's no societies or clubs in the uni at all. The work load from sem6 itself is so heavy, imagine progressing to the next semesters with increasing difficulty levels.

Positively, learning will definitely become way more interesting as we will be able to see the real stuff instead of plastic models and pictures in books. A chance to get to know my shrunken batch much better is something I look forward to. Plus, got yummy food in Seremban...my favourite Hakka mee, beef noodles and siew pau....life isnt that miserable la. Just challenging and scary!!

But being tested and pushed out of my comfort zone has been a challenge I've been looking for and I believe this is what God is putting me through to mould me to be both a better person and doctor. So, just take every challenge one at a time....and be prepared lo!!=p

Life in C206 Seremban...

2006-09-08T20:49:00.000+08:00

LEttiNG Go...=(

2006-08-31T23:40:00.000+08:00

These thoughts keep popping up in my head...is my grandpa's fate sealed that way?? That he shall not find out bout his condition and hopefully live his life to the fullest with our help?? Is that how things should be??
My mum says that I should learn to let things I care a lot about go...coz I hold it too tight sometimes. Can I let him go when it comes?? How do I see him week after week and pretend like there isnt anything really wrong with him when his health deteriorates?? What do I say to him when he asks me why isnt he getting better??
Do we as the family members really have the right to decide for our loved one's life?? They're sending him for EUS (electro-ultrasonography) next week to do some further checking but looking at things....I dun seem to see a point in doing it.
Why bother investigating when ur not doing anything?? Do we really have such right??
I dun think I can accept what its being done and when the time comes for him to go...I dunno if I can let my grandpa go...But...for now, I'm just numb with everything despite the questions running through my mind.
**Its not like neither me nor my mum have any choice anyway**

A THoRN STicKinG into My HeaRT...

2006-08-28T01:00:00.000+08:00

I just can't seem to accept this. The family has decided by majority that no surgery should be done for my grandpa and therefore he wont know his condition.
I've learnt that the cancer is at its initial stage and based on advises we've accumulated, a surgery would probably give him a better quality and there's a high chance for recovery.
But, after a family discussion...majority would not want a surgery to be done. Reason being that according to them, surgery isnt everything and that the aftercare would be hard on my grandpa and my aunties. My grandpa may not recover from the surgery or even his constant pain as he's already so weak.

Is it our choice to make?? It involves my grandpa's life!! Shouldn't he be given a say in all of this?? There's a chance that with surgery, they can remove the cancer and the pain his suffering should go away. I know that even if we tell him, we will not mention that he has cancer but that there's just something in his tummy which needs to be removed surgically.
There's still HOPE!! What are the odds that someone knows that he has cancer at an early stage?? Most ppl find out when its at an end stage. Shouldn't we be grasping this opportunity?? Isnt this a more logical decision rather than not doing anything and claiming that it would give my grandpa a better quality of life???

Its not like he's any better right now...I mean if we dun do anything his health is garaunteed to go downhill...Isnt that like putting a death sentence on someone??? I'm not puzzled...I'm not confused...I know clearly what both parties are considering.

But at the end of the day, what I'm trully feeling inside is sadness for my grandpa. If the decision made stays, I really dunno how I'll be able to accept everything or even face him. I'm scared of whats to come with his health. I cant imagine a better quality of life the rest of the family promised by doing nothing. How do move from there?? Is this decision really that logical??

BouNTiFuL BLeSSiNGs...

2006-08-17T20:07:00.000+08:00

I shall testify in this post that God indeed doesn't just bless us with what we want or need but He blesses us with more than we ask or need. I shall never ever doubt Him no matter what coz He does answer prayers!!

3 months ago I was at a depressing point in my life...everything seemed to fall apart one by one. I got burnt out with serving in church, stressed out for final exam of phase I, found out grandpa had cancer...I felt just sooo very tired bout everything. It was so bad that I wanted to give up even before sitting for my exams. I thought things could never get better coz everything started to overwhelm me in everyway...physically, mentally and spiritually. All I did then was ask God, "Please show me Your lighted path laid for me to follow...show me a way out or a light through all these darkeness. Grant me the assurance that things will get better and not worse anymore."

And well...3 months have gone now...so very quickly and I still cant believe how fast time whoooshes pass...I'm graduating from 1st phase of med school this Sat. I had the time of my life with my friends with trips to Genting, Penang and the best...Redang Island!! Plus a chance to hang out with all my dear friends during this 1 month break.

Then my grandpa...although it was a scary time for my mum and her siblings, his hypoglycemic episode which actually made him comatosed somehow caused him to give up the sleeping tablets which we were all so concerned about coz he was addicted to it. Finally!! And after 2nd opinion with one of the top docs...surgery has a good prognosis and recovery should go well coz his cancer's at an early stage. There is Hope!! They were all blessings in disguise..although it hasnt been totally resolved yet. BUT...we have Hope!!

With all these blessings poured upon me and my family...how can I not start to heal spiritually?? I mean God is so Awesome!! So what if I was burnt out??He has blessed me with a great rest... helped me pass my toughest exam ever and gave my family and I hope that my grandpa can recover.

I now feel like the luckiest person ever...I just hope that now, I will have the strength and refreshed mind to face new challenges ahead at Seremban clinical school. All glory and praise goes to You...God Almighty!!

THe BeGGiNinG To An EnD...

2006-08-05T00:04:00.000+08:00

Haaaaah....!!! Such a relief....I passed Sem 5!! I actually did complete Phase I of Med School... All that I've achieved...is a blessing from God. Every step of the way, from struggling through pre-u till entering med school and finally surviving phase I, God guided me through and all the successes I've had I could never have done without Him.

Despite dreading last month bout how things were going, God has started to answer my prayers. I do realise that not everything will go my way, but I do see Him turning things for the better.

My grandpa's case on a medical point of view is trully great news as his condition is only at an early stage so rightfully it should have good prognosis with surgery. But of course, everyone's still hesitant coz it would cause him to loose his quality of life. There are some other tiny options floating around but nothing is confirmed yet to be trully effective. I think the toughest part isn't on me but on my aunts and uncles coz they hav to deal with all his "rollercoaster" emotions. His tantrums....his joy...his frustrations and depression. Not an easy person to handle. Of course, in addition to all that...there's still many more stuff to consider like his kidney condition...so we're hoping for the best la and trying to make him as comfy as possible at the moment.

Thanks for all the concern and prayers...I trully appreciate it!!

Now, I have clinical school to look forward to and its gonna be a whole new world for me... So, Hope For The Best!!

Do BaD THiNGs ReaLLY HaPPeN iN THReeS??

2006-07-21T21:57:00.000+08:00

I think this month has been one of the toughest months I've had for quite some time...
I suppose it came unexpectedly coz I was caught off-guard having life laid out so easy for me all along..I'm not complaining about life being easy...in fact, I'm thankful to God for such blessings.

First my grandpa (my dad's father who lives with me) fell sick with pneumonia and he somehow got depressed. He didn't want to eat properly...all he ate was bread and porridge which worried my parents and I. He was tired a lot and didn't really want to move from his chair. He was very negative and trying to talk him out of depression and encourage him took a lot of effort for all of us at home. I was getting tired of it...but thank God, he soon recovered bit by bit and soon he was himself again. All of us were so thrilled.

Then came the definiting factor for my first phase in med school. Passing EOS 5. I was behind time and had to resort to burning midnight oil for the past 2-3 weeks. When the time came to sit for the exam, I lost my confidence. At least I thought I did. I think I did badly and all I can do now is pray and hope for a PASS!! Which I'm in soooo desperate need of....

Finally, just after exam...I heard a confirmation about my other grandpa's (my mum's father) conditon. He was at 1st diagnosed with peptic ulcer, but the biopsy results came out positive for infiltrative moderately differentiated adenocarcinoma of the stomach at a few areas. Why?? Why is it happening??Isnt it enough that he already gone through a previous history of oral cancer??
The worst thing is that the surgery would be a high risk one coz my grandpa's kidney is on the verge to renal failure. And so, my aunts and uncle decided to not opt for any surgery but allow my grandpa to live the rest of his days to the fullest. When the magnitude of what was happening hit me...I could feel my heart melt. I just can't imagine how things in the future be like.

This is the one time in my life I just wish the future wouldn't come...at the very least not so soon. Will things get better? I hope it does.

I know that all I can do is pray and trust that God will bring me and the rest my family through the saddest and most difficult period ahead...I know that God will help...and so I pray and hope that He will grant us all strength, wisdom and most of all love as we move onwards.

PRe-EOS 5 STReSS

2006-06-13T22:42:00.000+08:00

Exam....Exam...Exam....One after the other...and when you hear this word...the next word you would immediately come up with is Stress...Stress...Stress...
Its Pre-End of Semester Exam Season....The nightmare of all nightmares in Phase I of Med School...The expectations of excelling or even the HOPE to PASS is simply unbearable!!
Can't believe time's slipping off my fingers in such a fast manner...so fast that...its a struggle to figure a way to finish studying. How??
I think everyone in Sem 5 would like to know the solution to this. Truth is...we can only do the best we can. CNS test was bad enough. Just hope finals won't be like that. Or else...I'm just sooo....dead!!
Arrrggghhh!!!!!

BuRNT OuT???

2006-05-27T23:10:00.000+08:00

Being burnt out...or feeling so tired about everything going on around you. So much that all you wanna do is just shut yourself out from everything and lock yourself in a room alone. NOT talking about studies.

I never thought that this would happen to me. NEVER!! How can someone feel burnt out doing the things he or she loves a lot and it has been a really big part of her life?? How did I reach this level of just wanting to give up, not bother and just leave??

Maybe it has been coming. I dont know. I suppose I never allowed myself to feel anything besides pushing myself, each time I've been shut down to keep on going and let myself be heard or just continue doing all that I could. But why the feeling of giving up, the one thing I'd never thought would even cross my path overwhelmed me? How did I become so frustrated, fed up, tired, or even sad?

The most blessed part of this was God showed me that He blessed me with 2 great people in my life. My mum & dad!! After so long of supressing my deepest feelings unintentionally, they finally helped me to let all the stuff in me come out. They were understanding and helped me clear up all my confusions and frustrations.

I think that God is trying to tell me that I'm only human. I'm not a super being that can save everything and everyone although its what I want to do. Life isn't that way. I need to depend on Him and Him alone. He's the strong one. And I'm the weak one but He can empower me and work through me. So, I'm taking time off. I'm doing the things I didnt have the chance to do before. Spend my weekends hanging out with my friends...watching movies...and its fun!!

DuST

2006-05-14T22:01:00.000+08:00

It just hit me watching this DVD published by NOOMA (dunno what it stands for) during MYF CG yesterday...The guy, Rob Bell...He used the context of Jesus walking on water to illustrate this simple yet amazing point which I think I've forgotten about and hit me right at my face.

He started with explaining how high a Rabbi was looked upon by the people in those days and that the best of the best of the best of all the students who memorised books of the old testament till Malachi were in line to be chosen as Rabbis....Memorising so many texts!! I know I can never ever do that!!
And then these students will look for the Rabbi they would like to take after and they would be tested by the Rabbi on the books they have memorised. According to Rob Bell, the Rabbi not only look at how well the student memorises the books but he also chooses his disciple based on whether the student could be like him.
Jesus was considered a Rabbi...He was a teacher and who did he choose to be his disciples?? Was it the best of the best of the best?? No!! It was fishermen...and not very good ones too...But Jesus chose them and believed that they would be like him someday...Can you believe that??

Coming back to the part of Jesus walking on water... when the disciples saw Jesus walking on water whom they thought at first was a ghost but then realised it was their Rabbi...Peter one of His disciples followed Him to walk on water towards Jesus. While he was walking a wind came and he got scared and started to sink!! And screamed for Jesus to help him and Jesus said "You man of little faith!! Why did you doubt??"

This was the part that hit me...I always thought Peter sank because he didnt have faith in Jesus. But Rob Bell explained it differently. Peter wasn't doubting Jesus coz he followed what Jesus did. Walking on water when all the other disciples didnt do so. He believed in Jesus. But when the wind came he sank because it was at that time he doubted NOT Jesus but HIMSELF!!

So the conclusion was...yes we need to have faith in Jesus and believe in Him but do we realise that Jesus already believed and trusted in us?? That we can do amazing things and be like Jesus?? To be perfect like Him??Disciples follow after the Rabbi and are usually covered in his dust. And so we are all Jesus' disciples...and He called us and believes in us...but do we believe in ourselves to be in Jesus' **DUST**??

HiGH or LoW...??

2006-04-30T14:22:00.000+08:00

I think I've been in a low point for a while now but I just didnt realize. You know, the feeling of just living everyday like a block of wood...waiting for the world and everything or everyone in it to just pass you by. Or maybe like a robot...just doing all the routine stuff with no inner emotions towards anything. Maybe I'm in a dry spell....

Why am I at this point?? Why am I feeling this way?? Have I lost my passion or the fire within me?? Have I distant myself from God and that's why I'm feeling lost?? Or am I just simply worn out?? Can anyone give me an answer?? What's going on with me?? Is it stress?? I dont know!!!

Nothing seems to be going the way it always has been... it just doesn't feel right. I seem to feel lost everywhere including areas of my life which I had so much passion and love for. But now... I've given them up!! I don't even know if its the right decision. I let it go with a heavy heart.

Honestly, I'm not doing well with my studies either...always getting distracted by other things... my finals is in 2 months time and I have a whole lump of notes to cover including the current stuff I'm learning. Will I be prepared??

I know all that I've said depends a lot on myself...and maybe God is finally putting me through some hard time as a test. Maybe things will improve later on..
All I know is that I'm constantly reminding myself of God's promise that He'll always be there for me no matter what and all I have to do is ask from Him and I'll receive. Plus, I still have a supportive family and close friends that still encourage me in some ways although they don't realize it.

I guess the only thing I can do is live my life to the best I can and trust and wait on God to help me through my struggles.

A LiFe oF GRaTiTuDe...

2006-04-12T22:04:00.000+08:00

When life gets hard...when we start to feel drained both physically and emotionally...when we reach a low point or a temporary gloomy period...we start to feel dissatisfied with our lives. We start to question why life's like that or we start looking for worldly things to satisfy ourselves.
Sometimes for no reason...we feel detached from everyone else. We feel sadness deep in our hearts all of a sudden. But all these emotions are not bcoz of one event. It has been pilling up inside us for some time and we're not aware of it.

However, its during these low points we need to have the heart of gratitude. I read an article which says when we're dissatisfied with our lives especially when it gets hard, we need to list down as many things we can be thankful for as possible. "A Life of Gratitude!!" And plus when I heard this song, "Indescribable" by Chris Tomlin... personally, my spirits were liven up...and I realised, Yea!! God Is Trully Amazing in Everyway!! Ways that seem so small, yet they're so great and beautiful. So, what low point is there when I have an Amazing God by my side??

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea

Creation's revealing Your majesty

From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring

Every creature unique in the song that it sings

All exclaiming

Indescribable, uncontainable,

You placed the stars in the sky

and You know them by name.

You are amazing God

All powerful, untamable,

Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim

You are amazing God

Indescribable, uncontainable,

You placed the stars in the sky

and You know them by name.

You are amazing God

Incomparable, unchangeable

You see the depths of my heart

and You love me the same

You are amazing God

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go

Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow

Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light

Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night

None can fathom

Diabetic Nephropathy

2006-04-10T00:42:00.000+08:00

After my visit to the NKF centre (National Kidney Foundation) last year during sem 4... I told myself, "Thank God so far none of my close family members have to go through dialysis!".
I guess I spoke too soon.

Recently, I got to know that my grandpa's kidneys are heading towards failure. We had some sort of a scare previously when his urine test was abnormal. But it was soon cleared by the doctor that it wasn't really significant.

But after seeing the doctor again coz his leg was swollen, it was finally confirmed that his kidneys were in a pre-failure stage which is associated with the diabetes he had for about 10 years already.
What does it mean then??

Well...for an old man who had gone through a tough time of chemo- and radiotherapy for his oral cancer...being diagnosed with this thing now...I really don't know!!
Having some knowledge about what comes after being diagnose with a condition like this, just make me foresee many things my grandpa would not be able to do.
1. Strict diet (He lives to eat!!Plus he has no saliva and it has been already hard on him.)
2. Drugs, drugs and more drugs....who likes taking meds??
3. What about the other complications of diabetes?? Already he doesn't walk properly!!
4. Worst part: Dialysis phase!! Having to visit that place 3 times a week!! Relying on a machine
to clear our body's waste!! Feeling sick most of the time!!
As a med student, this is what I feel is going to happen...and I realise that well, no matter how much we hope to stay young and healthy with no illnesses....our body itself would one day reach its expiry stage. Its all part of life's cycle.

Its just that taking care of an elderly person is never easy and I'm sure soon my mum, aunts and uncles would be carrying even heavier loads, which I hope that they would be prepared by then.
The only thing a doctor can do is to help delay the failure process but knowing my grandpa who's a typical incompliant patient, its not going to be any easier.

I just think that its really hard to see someone you love suffer...but there's always this voice in me that constantly reassures me that I have a very close knit family and the support we have for one another is strong enough to handle this challenge. There's nothing anyone can do except to help my grandpa through the upcoming stages. And definitely, I believe God will also be there to help my grandpa and the rest of us.
This thing just reminds me to always cherish and appreciate the people around me and not take any of them for granted.

Life During MSK isn't getting any easier...

2006-03-24T00:49:00.000+08:00

After slacking for so long...returning back to life as a medical student has been really hard. Plus, life in sem5 isnt getting any easier.
Classes...spread out through the whole day. From morning till evening, with hospital visits and clinical teaching sessions in between...energy seems to be drained constantly from my body. Feel tired all the time...and even with extra sleep...I just cant get up in the mornings.
How nice if I'm like the energizer bunny that doesnt need rest and I can like study and also be mentally prepared for all my lessons.
I'm still finding my way through tackling this system and also fitting in revision time for my finals in July too!! Finals!! The scariest exam of all!! Only 3 months left...
At the same time...Can't wait for the ball next Sat...Hopefully it'll be really fun!!

Really hope to just stuff my head with studying only and nothing else...Hopefully i'll succeed in doing that!! =p

A LeSSoN LeaRnT ThE HaRD WaY...

2006-03-02T22:03:00.000+08:00

Everyone hates feeling helpless in any situation unless you're craving for attention. Well, today I encountered something that did make me feel helpless.
Driving to kickboxing class at Hartamas, my car started overheating...I started to panic but tried to the max to remain calm. Luckily saw a parking space and I parked there. I got out of my car to check. I was clueless about cars so I called my mum. She told me to let the car cool and then check the water level in the radiator.
Well...after waiting a while, I tried to open it...but I was scared to open it. So i decided to just walk to the kickboxing centre and hav my class first.
After class, I checked it again..and I still didnt have the guts to open the cap which says, "Do Not Open! Caution! Hot!" So I saw another cap...it was connected to the radiator cap anyway... so I filled it up. I was totally scared but I had no choice...my brother was of no help...coz he was blurer than I was and all I could think of was HOME!!
Tried to drive home...and my car smelt like burning...and it died...in the middle of the road.
I was terrified and the drivers behind me weren't of any help...they hon me like crazy with angry faces. I finally managed to start it again...and made my way to the main road outside my housing area where this time, it just wouldn't move anymore.
Called my parents and they finally came. Turns out...I was stupid enough to fill up the wrong cap..the danger cap was the right one. The one I was afraid to open.
I always hate feeling helpless...I always want to be confident in what I do. But ever since I got into med school and today's incident...my pride has been tested many, many times.
I think that it also applies to our relationship with God. We being human tend to want to be independent. We want to feel confident, powerful, admired and so we would do anything to make sure we feel that way. But being human, we also fall into the world of helplessness. It is then we realise that in the end, despite how much we try to protect ourselves...God is the only One who can protect us from anything. We realise that we need God. We start to turn to Him for help just like my situation today. I thought I could handle things without my parents. But I couldn't. I needed them in the end coz they know whats best. Its the same with God. He will always be there for us, even when we think we don't need Him. He will still be faithful to us, waiting for us to turn our eyes upon Him.

SKiN...

2006-02-23T02:12:00.000+08:00

How do you comfort and assure the person you love that everything will be as good as new again when that can never happen?? How would you then convince him to take care of himself better when it only seemed to get worse each time?? Although it isnt something life threatening, but its making him feel helpless, uncomfortable and a burden to others.

That person's my grandpa. To many people they see it as him having, skin problems. Easy diagnosis? Not a big deal? Definitely NOT!! Yes, he does have skin problems but how do you take care of skin that's so fragile that even with the slightest knock on anything would cause a deep cut that bleeds for days?? How do you make a skin that's so thin and dry moist and healthier again, so that it doesn't cause itchiness or redness all over his body??

I know and understand that its all part of the aging process. But as you're older, you would prefer a more routined lifestyle and its never easy for an old man to adapt easily to any changes like us. So, each time when I or my parents check his skin, and we find areas of redness and scratch scars... it kinda upsets my grandpa and he'll try with all his might to hide those feelings.

I think that the thing that's troubling him the most is that he feels helpless and a burden to us the family members for having to take care of him in such a delicate way and yet, the skin problem isn't getting better. What made things worse was the petroleum jelly we used to help with his skin cant be used now coz, his skin over-sensitive to it now and we need special type of creams.

Many people think that its soo easy to handle something like that. All they could help with was giving comments like, "Why don't you try this cream?" I know they mean well and all but it makes me frustrated, bcoz how can it be so simple? If it was that easy, my grandpa's skin would have recovered long ago.

When I see my grandpa look so down and discouraged...I really feel like helping him take that load which I myself don't understand 100%. I just hope and pray that God will be his comfort and he'll soon be able to live with it, and learn to take care of himself better so he won't feel so helpless or a burden anymore.

OaSiS 2

2006-02-19T00:45:00.000+08:00

After doing a bit of quieting down and reflection...I found that I've learnt some things 2nite...Things that I think woke me up again from the dryness I've been feeling lately...
1. God has blessed MYF tremendously, a great bunch of youths who would always work together no matter how hard the workload maybe, with no hesitations.
2. A great night of praise, where youths enjoy fellowshipping with God and each other
3. 2 youth groups starting to bridge with one another
4. Being frustrated for being let down shouldn't be a barrier for me to keep my passion to serve alive
5. God restored my passion to serve again
6. God works wonders when His children put their heart and soul into doing His work
7. Always focus on the positive and not the negative

Somehow I felt refreshed tonight...after feeling sorta dry for some time...
And when I reflected on all that had happened on this long day...I find that God never ceases to amaze me...I hope He would continue to open my eyes and heart to even more exciting and amazing stuff!!
All Praise & Glory to God the Most High!!

CoNFuSeD: Am I doing the right thing??

2006-02-17T02:47:00.000+08:00

I know its the 2nd blog in the same early hours of the morning...but this is kinda bothering me

I just smsed a friend to not call or sms me anymore...

I've known this person since secondary school and being new and naive I was so happy that someone would actually try to be friends with me... But then, as time went by I realised that she wanted things from me which I could never, ever, possibly in my entire life give her.

However, I was soo insecure with myself at that time..I couldn't bear loosing a friend as I was new and didn't have that many friends in school. Plus, I liked the attention I was getting. Someone for once looking up to me.
I quickly realised that it was wrong to even think that way. That isn't me at all...That isn't what I've been brought up to be!

So, I made the decision to be a good friend. A friend that she could rely on. And well, she did really make full use of it. Calling me every night. Pouring out her problems which I think she exaggerates a lot just to get my attention. My guts tell me that she's taking advantage of my naiveness but well..I ignore it and thought I could change her.

I was sooo wrong...and soon I was relieved when she finished secondary school and I wont have to see her in school anymore. But she still does call me and try coming back to school to look for me. I remember making tons of excuses to get away.
Finally, its my turn to finish sec school and I moved on to continue with college and then uni.

Being busy and all she couldn't call me so much and therefore calling me was like twice a year thing. But everytime she calls...and when I show her some concern, she makes full use of it..and I get phone calls everyday for the week telling me about being sad, depressed, misunderstood, anything you can think of.

One night, I finally had the guts to tell her off that I can never talk to her or give her whatever she wants. And asked her not to call me.

And this year..being stupid, I smsed her a CNY wish...and Woosh!! She thought that we could be close again like before. And having a handphone was such a pain! Calling me and smsing me everyday... telling me that she's down...she's sad...I can't believe her anymore. I just couldn't stand it!! I can't deal with her!! I can't even get myself to confront her and talk to her on the phone when she called me!! I thought she grew up too like me and she would be different!! She never did!!

So when she smsed me again...just like every night now...I replied her sms telling her not to call me anymore that I'm uncomfortable talking to her and even requested for my number to be deleted.

I know that she's in need of a person to give her the attention she never had and all but she scares me a lot...I feel so bad right now....feel so guilty...I'm feeling guilty of having a sense of relief from having to deal with her everyday. I can't help but feel relieved. Am I a cruel person? Am I a bad person and friend? Coz I really don't want to be that kind of person...I really didn't want to hurt her!!

FaMiLY

2006-02-17T02:17:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it!! It just suddenly hit me...although I was reminded a week ago.
Today...well, technically its yesterday since I'm posting my blog at 2am...
Its been exactly 7 years since my grandma passed away...
I could recall almost everything that happened on that day...and I'm quite surprised actually that I miss her sooo much...
In remembrance of her, I had dinner at my uncle's house together with my grandaunt (my grandma's sister) and of course with the rest of my family.
All I could think of when it hit me was...look at my life throughout that 7 years and what God has brought me through...I really so wished that my grandma was with me and looking at what I've accomplished so far...how far I've grown...I even wonder if she misses me too....
Its always touchy moments like this...I always feel like the luckiest person in the world...
I mean...I have such a great family...although I admit that relationship with family members are never always sweet and nice. But whenever I reflect on the core part of my relationship with my family members, it always give me that warmth and tingly feeling inside. It somehow never fails to make me feel contented with my life.
And I always would be reminded then not to take any of them for granted especially when things get hard...or disagreements may come up.
I really thank God for blessing me with a great family who have showered all the love and support and encouragement on me for the past 20 years of my life and I know they will continue to do so...I am the luckiest person in the world!!No doubt about it!!

My CNY 2006!!

2006-01-31T12:35:00.000+08:00

This is my 50th Post...Yay!!

I'm sitting at home right now...hiding away from having to entertain guests...my relatives from Klang...like every Chinese New Year they would do their normal visit to my house coz my grandpa lives with us.

This year's CNY I think was the most boring of all... I still remember when I was little... CNY would be something I really get excited about...shopping for new clothes, getting ang pows... meeting relatives whom I only see once a year...and of course, friends....

But now... it has somehow become a routine. Although yea...it was good to meet with my relatives at least once a year....and omigosh!! I was called Aunty already!!NO!!

Despite the feeling of "boringness"....I still like CNY coz families actually would go the extra mile during this period to meet with relatives and friends whom they have not met for a while like mine.
So wish everyone a great CNY and a great holiday too!! May 2006 be a prosperous and joyfull year ahead!!

"OASiS"

2006-01-21T23:20:00.000+08:00

"Oasis" is a place where people living in the desert desperately draw every single drop of water they could get to quench their thirst. And God is like the water and we are the desert people desperately insearch of something that would quench the desires of our lives. Thats why MYF's youth celebration's called OASIS.
The turn out of the 1st Oasis was really good...and what the speaker, Annette talked about how we tend to think about our lives are so true. And one of the examples she gave just nailed how I felt lately.

I felt like serving in church was too much and I was fearful that church would become a distraction for me from my studies. I felt that week after week, serving in church, being active like I always am made me feel even more empty inside.
I thought it was because my heart wasnt in tune with God and I was probably distracted by other stuff... I really dont know what was going on inside me. So, I pushed myself. Like Anette said...I pushed and squeeze everything in me to worship and serve Him in everyway I could, trying to put my heart and soul into it too...but still...I felt empty

I really dont know what to do...I still am feeling it...Maybe I didnt worship God hard enough? Maybe I didnt surrender myself totally? I really dont know.

But now as I'm sitting in my room thinking about it all...I feel that assurance that God does know how I trully feel deep inside and to just hang on to him. I did feel refreshed after the worship and all but I think I'm still trying to work these things out.

I'm a person who's more of do-er (action) and most of the time try not to feel bcoz I always fear of getting hurt, which so far this statement does work for me. But when I got into MYF and became closer with everyone there, I learnt that God put emotions or feelings for a reason which is definitely not to make us get hurt. He placed it in us so that He can connect with us is such a deep manner that words can't even describe it. Its that tingly feeling, the warmth and the inner joy when the Holy Spirit fills my heart. I always believed that putting things into action is more worthwhile and how I feel in not necessary. But I'm wrong! Now...day by day, I'm learning to open myself up both to God and the people around me. Not to open up just by surface but my whole self. To share my very true self with everyone and maybe someday God would use me to touch someone's life.

I know its long and all but..I'm learning about my deeper feelings each day...and hopefully these feelings of emptiness will be filled someday. I definitely would continue praying coz I know that God never fails me or anyone..

I HaTe ReNaL SyStEm!!

2006-01-13T21:16:00.000+08:00

Just after a nice week's break...and now Woosh!! Its end of renal system which is scheduled to last for only 3 weeks and exams like next friday!!

*SOBS* So not prepared yet...struggling to finish studying...everythings in such a rush... plus being one of the tougher systems doesn't help either

Got sick last week and hoping to fully recover soon...Hopefully I'll be able to get through this... and the rest of the semester....Back to my books again....Haih.....

My MiSeRaBLe DaY...

2006-01-06T23:28:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I got an sms from my friend...her mum whom I mentioned before finally passed away as her liver failed from breast cancer that spread to the liver and pelvic bone...Its kinda cruel to look at it this way...but finally my friend would have a closure from hanging on to her mum whom we all know has been terminally ill for the past few months. She can now close this part of her life and begin a new journey but of course with the memory of her parents in her.

Out of everything that has happened...I trully admire my friend's strength and determination to pick herself up and carry the responsibilities of her parents to take care of her younger sister and also continue to complete her studies...

Today...I was miserable...couldn't sleep properly the previous night and my flu reached it peak making me feel unwell and miserable...
I saw the doctor in the morning...but I knew I have a bacterial flu coz I was trying to check my own sore throat the previous night...He said I had all the signs of influenza..so antibiotics...

Later, when I reached uni for lessons...omigosh!! The skin beneath my left eye swell up..it looked hideous!! Didn't know wat to do...but got no choice...so I tried avoiding talking to anyone and went straight for PBL...After PBL I called my mum and went home so that she could drive me back to see the doctor again.

Omigosh...it was a different doctor at the clinic and this old man...has no bedside manners at all!! Talk about learning behavioural science and learning to put patients interest first...any student in IMU would be better than him anyday..plus, he supposed to be a lecturing doctor in a public medical uni...

He even criticised me for being concerned bout the swelling on my eye...and all IMU FEMALE students are pampered!! I was like...wats ur problem? And before I left his "advice" to me was..."Behave Yourself!!"...???Wat does that mean??I dunno??He's such a weirdo and never in my life I'm gonna see him again neither would I want to be in the same uni he's lecturing in...

Intimidated by an old man...so called lecturing and experienced doctor...he's worse than HOUSE M.D. He couldn't even tell me whats the cause of my swelling...and I myself could come up with one...Its just my unlucky day to meet a doctor like him!!

MaLaCCa TRiP... AwEsOmE!!

2005-12-30T21:52:00.000+08:00

This one week break before the new year begins and a year full of new plus bigger challenges ahead I'm so happy to be able to use it to the fullest.
After a super stressful Reproductive System Assesment...Finally got holiday!! Woohoo!! =P
I went Malacca with the invitation to stay at A-Sister's place (Nisha's house) together with my 2 other uni mates...Christabel and Man Keat..Waking up early to catch the bus was worth it coz the trip was tons of fun!!

We shopped at Jonker's street and sight see the various historical spots...recalling my childhood days where I was so amazed by the buildings..plus I had a tasty bowl of ice kacang...yumm!!

Next best thing was the A Famosa Waterpark...where we went together with Nisha's family..And I went on the craziest slide ever...but didnt have the guts to take the even steeper slide at the last minute but tricked Man Keat into doing it instead haha!! We sat on the tube together with Christabel which slides up so high on the side that you are actually facing vertically downwards...Wacky!!

Tomorrow's another long day...MYF will be singing for church's new year eve service...and I need to be there early...but it'll be fun too!!

I just feel that I'm the luckiest person to be able to have such great friends and blessed with so many good and fun times...

Well...HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!! MAY ALL THE DREAMS AND WISHES YOU HAVE FOR 2006 COME TRUE...HAVE A BLAST WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY!! GOD BLESS!!

God's Grace & Love..

2005-12-27T23:56:00.000+08:00

Today I felt something I haven't felt for sometime....
As I was pouring out my feelings of sadness for my friend...I felt that I wasn't doing anything to help her...and it made me feel bad

I went to her house today together with my mum and 2 other aunties whom we know in church..none of us knew what to expect or do coz we don't know her actual needs or situation.

I really do admire my friend. She didn't give up on things but instead tried to take up the responsibility to take care of her family as she's the eldest daughter. Although she was emotionally discouraged at times, she took things in such a positive manner and remain strong. Something I dont know if I could carry if I was in her shoes.

I believe that God made it happen in a such a way that my mum's close friend, shared with the rest of the church members in one of their meetings about my friend the previous night. People were touched and started to donate some money to help my friend and one aunty even volunteered to come with us to visit her although she doesn't know her at all.

Now, my mum and the other 2 aunties are trying their best to get help from every source they could think of to help lift the few burdens off my friend's shoulders especially helping her with finances to complete her studies and I believe somehow its part of God's work in my friend's life.

The only thing all of us can do is to pray for her and her family that their burdens would be lifted by God and He will fill them with the strength that day need to get through each day. I pray that God will grant my friend the assurance that everything will turn out right with God by her side and she'll find peace in Him. And of course, God would ease her mum's pain and suffering as much as possible and come to know Christ as well...

Despite all that has happened, somehow God showed the 4 of us and my friend and her family hope...like something that caught my attention today.

The dark skies and heavy downpour with thunder and lightning are only for a short period and God can just clear them away and bring back the clear blue sky plus a beautiful rainbow. And that's my wish for my dear friend this coming new year.

My HoPe FoR ThE CoMiNg DaY...

2005-12-27T02:36:00.000+08:00

I'm finally keeping up to my promise to go visit my dear friend...

I know she's currently going through a lot of stuff...things I could never imagine myself facing...
Its the same friend I described previously...

I just really wanna pray that God would give me and the rest of us going to visit her and her family the strength, wisdom and of course love that would touch their hearts and lives... Hopefully, we would be able to touch her mother's heart especially as she's terminally ill... of course my friend and her sis too...

We're all going to visit her and see what we can do for her mum as well as for my friend and her sister.

I really don't know what to expect or do yet...but I know that I wont need to rely on my own strength or worry about anything...coz God would be with me...

All I really wanna do is to be with her..and to let her know that I'm always there for her...and to share with her the God whom I love and has filled my life.
I pray that she would know Him too...so that her seemingly empty life would soon be filled with everlasting joy, love, peace and hope.

Its ChRiStMaS DaY!!

2005-12-26T00:13:00.000+08:00

Finally....the awaited day has come...Christmas!! A time of joy...love...friendship...family...
I am so blessed with great family and friends...and of course to have God in my life...
Christmas always speaks of God who loved us so much that despite our sinful nature He sent His Son to earth as a man to die on the cross on behalf of all of us... He is the One who still loves and cares for us the most despite all our imperfectness...

Just being able to celebrate Christmas and knowing the true meaning of Christmas all my life is already a gift...coz I have received the gift of salvation just by believing in Jesus!!

However at the same time...my heart is saddened...
I got to know about a dear friend of mine whom I have known since primary school...she was my classmate most of the years we were in school...
She's a very bright and smart student...ever hardworking...always the top student..and yet she would still help me with the difficult subjects like math...
We used to chat a lot on the bus together...and she's a great listener...

Recently, her dad passed away suddenly...but I heard it was due to lung infection...and even before that...I was told her mum is terminally ill...
I remember her telling me that her plans were to quickly finish her course and get her degree so that she could start working and support her family...she does her best to complete her course in the shortest time possible...and I really admire her for that.
After hearing about her family...my heart just melted...I can only imagine how she's feeling... I do really want to be there for her...and let her know that she still has support and someone who loves her...

I do pray that God will give her the strength and fill her heart with love and take away the feeling of loss from her...for I know the feeling of loosing someone I love a lot...

CaNt BeLieVe IT!! Its Christmas!! Its the end of 2005!!

2005-12-24T13:20:00.000+08:00

Hooray!! Exams are done!! Its time to celebrate Christmas!! Plus I have a week break and *poof*It'll be 2006 in a weeks time too!!

I had such a great time this month although I was dreading the anticipation of facing my reproductice system test. But the rest was worth it. Going to FRIM, Christmas party, hanging out with my friends & family, family trip to Cameron's....Its was all so fun!!

This is kinda like my 20th Christmas I guess...and each year God blesses me with surprises!! We would tend to think that celebrating Christmas every year would soon become some sort of a routine but as for me, God always seem to amaze me with His surprises...making each Christmas unique...

Each year I always felt the warmth, the joy in celebrating Christmas...although its sad to see others not knowing the true Christmas story...and treating it as just another holiday...

I believe I can say proudly today the I'm one of the most blessed person on earth to have received so much of blessings both from God and the people I love...

So....those of you feeling down...during this Christmas...pick yourself up....believe in the true meaning of Christmas...and trust me...God will do wonders for you...!!

Have a blessed Christmas everyone!! And A superb New Year 2006 too!!

Boring...Boring...Boring...

2005-12-05T20:08:00.000+08:00

Life ever since returning back to uni has been pretty boring...
Of course...I'm glad to meet my friends again...
It's just that normally its holiday at this time of the year...but...this year's different...
I'm finding it hard to concentrate and study with so many other exciting stuff happening around me...and my test is coming up on December 23...
So...when I'm looking forward to Christmas it also means that I am looking forward to the test.. which is not something I would want to think about right now looking at the pile of notes growing day by day...
Well..we'll see how things would go as time passes on....
Hopefully I can cover everything before the test....
Gotta return back to my books...*Sigh*

GP PoSTiNG + PLANET SHAKERS!!

2005-11-12T22:39:00.000+08:00

Well...I've reached the 4th week of a 5 week rotation which u can say is kind of a holiday except when you have some practicals scheduled and this week was GP Posting Week!! Basically I have to be at the clinic for 5 days observing the general practitioner do his job...and the clinic I chose was in Ampang.. I didnt know what to expect at the beggining and so I was nervous..but it turned out pretty well...
The doctor was really eager to teach me everything he possibly could...So here are some of the things I saw..

Normal cases of flu and diarrhea
Dengue cases
Ultrasound of a fetus
Examine some patients, take BP, watch taking of blood and blood glucose test
Ultrasound of abdomen (saw gallbladder stones)
ECG
Learn how to do a spot diagnosis based on patient's symptoms
Saw an actual patient with Parkinson's
Saw another patient with "trigger finger"
Saw x-ray of a fractured scapula, glenoid process and 6th, 7th and 8th rib
Auscultate for "ronchi" (wheezing)
Saw a patient with a full blown cataract

But the highlight of my week was attending Planet Shakers concert...it was amazing just to be there, among thousands of youths filling up Sunway Convention Centre...Feeling God's presence and getting excited to praise God with music....Unspeakable joy just fills my heart....Watching youths from all over the country and even from the South East Asian Region gather together, getting excited to praise and worship God...Wow!! On the last night the hall was so full...there wasn't enough seats eventhough they had already extended the hall further...

I think the best part of all was being there together with all the MYFers...getting excited and enjoying ourselves praising God together...Just hope that this excitement for God will grow even more and more in each and everyone of us...so much that it'll touch others' lives....

IRONiNG 101

2005-11-04T02:54:00.000+08:00

It's Deeparaya break!! Cool rite? Well...I am enjoying the week off...but somehow I couldn't stand it anymore...not doing anything at all...
I did visit the dentist finally after so long....and well...I had my routine scaling...but then, the dentist told me something I really didn't expect or want to hear...
According to her the reason my front teeth is starting to get crooked although I already did my braces...was bcoz my wisdom teeth were sleeping towards the molars...compressing them...so, she encouraged me to think about removing the 2 wisdom tooth...Gosh!! Already I'm ever so afraid of dentists...and to think that I will never have to remove anymore teeth in my entire life after having to pull 4 teeth out to do my braces...BoY!! Was I wrong...and this one's no joke...it will be painful and there'll be swelling...It's gonna be a small surgery !! But I figure I shall delay it as long as possible...Since it's not an emergency kinda thing...
Later we shopped and had lunch at Midvalley (my 2nd home)...nothing special really...bought some clothes...
When we returned home..I just couldn't stand sleeping although I was tired coz I slept late the last night..So somehow I just had the mood for ironing....
Its a good thing coz there were lots of clothes that were hanging on the rack...and my mum was already getting sick of having to iron so many clothes...
Finally I guess...I did make an effort to help with housework...and I just dont know why..but I was enjoying it...listening to the radio..and fumbling with the iron at 1st...
I was really happy when for once I did finish ironing all the clothes..so was my mum...haha!!
This was the one house chore I didnt feel sick of doing...Surprising!!=p

A MeMoRaBLe DeePaVaLi LuNcH..

2005-11-02T02:43:00.000+08:00

Its was an unsually sunny day coz it had been raining throughout Monday...for once the sky was clear and bright...unlike the gloomy days we've been having...
Finally have the opportunity to meet up with my secondary school best friends..Pui Yong, Jasmine and Karmini...after a long time...we used to go to Karmini's house during Deepavali when we were all still in school...
Hah...it was so fun to chat with them again...although it felt pretty awkward at first..guess bcoz Karmini's college friends whom we met for the 1st time were also there...But later...once we got warmed up with each other...we chatted so long that I didnt realise it was already nearing 5pm
I had a great Deepavali lunch thanks to Karmini's mum who cooked really good food..Yummy!!
Couldn't stop muching the snacks laid on the table also..haha...
Really do miss those times we used to spend together...we can chat for hours and hours....
Well..I'm thankful that we do still keep in touch with each other...that's a good thing!!

Post KKB Syndrome

2005-10-29T17:02:00.000+08:00

Wow!! After all the excitement and fun of this week....I'm already starting to miss it all!!

Things I missed about KKB posting:

cool and fresh air, quiet and peaceful unlike the busy town of KL
learning how to play "Settlers" from Man Keat...later Christabel and I got addicted to the game
ganging up against Kang Meng at Settlers with Man Keat and Nisha...bcoz of that I won!!Haha...Poor guy....
sharing the same house with Christabel and Nisha (chatting till 3am)
BBQ night: keeping the fire alive, trying to defrost the frozen chicken, eating marshmallows coated with marjerin (really tasty!!), getting high for no reason..
playing speed and lossing to Man Keat and Bryan...played "Big 2 " too...
playing mafia in the dark and watching movies (although I slept halfway)
walking to KKB town...eating ice cream....running away from Ben's singing
the cute and fat rabbit hopping all around which everyone seemed to want to cook it during BBQ
watching all the food disappear into our hungry tummies during our dinner on the last night at 98 restaurant
every effort we put to entertain ourselves in the quiet town
Thomas looking for his "sotong balls" (mistery still not solved yet)
Watching the others play "Bridge"..still unfamiliar with the game though but it was interesting to watch....

But then since we got back from KKB and also after hanging out together yesterday at MidValley and my bday dinner...I suddenly felt so tired...
I guess I didnt really rest properly after coming back from KKB and we went out again the next day...so my body didnt hav a chance to recover....
Anyways...post KKB I'm missing all the fun and laughs as well as the craziness we had at KKB...
Plus its our last posting to that quaint town....
Hmm....cant believe I'm gonna finish my phase 1 with just less than a year left.... Anyways..this is one of the best KKB postings I've had so far...and I'll never forget it!!

I'M 20 ToDaY!!

2005-10-28T10:31:00.000+08:00

Can't believe today I'm officially 20 already!!
Haha...God has blessed me greatly with a great 20 years...
Gonna hang out with my friends and hav dinner with em....later...
Can't wait..GOnna be Super FuN!!
WooHoo!!!=p

THe AdVeNTuReS of KKB (24/10/05-27/10/05)

2005-10-27T23:24:00.000+08:00

The last travel to the small, quaint town known as Kuala Kubu Baru located in Hulu Selangor, before Fraser's Hill is trully one of the most enjoyable trips I've had although it was on med school bussiness...
Riding on the bus, we were all filled with excitement, expecting fun, fun, fun all the way...
We had planned to have a BBQ on the 2nd night there...and also brought board games and cards to play as well as DVDs to watch...
Upon reaching the houses...our assigned house was horribly dirty...we had to sweep, mop and collect all the rubbish left behind by the previous group which included food wrappers and pizza boxes...Whew!!It was tiring!!
But immediately after we got settled down...we began our adventure walking to town which took 15-20 minutes...and had dinner as well as some shopping...
Later we went back home and played with the games we brought...at midnight, PooF!! No electricity!! AARGH!! SO DARK!!
Hospital rounds were interesting as we were exposed to real patients but some of us had additional workload from the doctor incharged...
Nevertheless..that didnt stop us from having fun fun fun...we did everything under the sun to keep ourselves entertained...
Despite the workload, annoying powercuts, and icy cold water...we had the best time during the BBQ and also spending time together with all the city life distractions gone...This is one of the best KKB visits I've ever had!!
But for now...am really tired...So..Good Night!!

My BeLoVeD GRandPA

2005-10-23T00:45:00.000+08:00

My grandpa...he's a dear person in my life..
He's already 83 years old...and still very healthy for a person of his age...
Chinese believe that if you live over a certain age...usually i think its 80...every year extra is a blessing...And he's a blessing to me...I really never understood why some people cant bear living with an elderly person...bcoz, they're such wonderful people to have around...although I admit that it gets tough having to take care of them at times
About 2 months back...my grandpa was down and it was because he had fallen sick...
He's a really old fashioned man and doesn't like depending on us...so when he doesn't feel well he won't tell us..
But I knew there was something wrong with him...coz he had no apetite, wouldn't go to town like he used to and slept a lot...the most worrying part was his apetite...
Lossing apetite made him even skinnier...and he was coughing a lot so we insisted in taking him to the doctor and it was found that his left lung was filled with phlegm...
So he had to take medicine..but it has side effects made him feel even worse than before
He felt so horrible that he asked my uncle to just take him to the hospital..(I was at Tioman at that time)..
Actually..his condition isn't serious...it was just that, he was feeling down for being unwell physically...the worrying part was that we could all see him kinda starting to give up even after returning home...Because of that his cellulitis came back and also had skin problems on his back and legs...(didn't take care constantly)
Not wanting to push himself to walk coz he was fearful of feeling breathless and no apetite...
So he became malnourished also....
I got worried and was frustrated at him coz he seemed like starting to give up in trying to get well..so I said a little prayer and asked God to turn him around and lift up his spirits again..
Few weeks later...I had a really long conversation with him..and he told me all his frustrations and problems...all I did was try to encourage him to pick himself up and be positive...
Wow!!(I was amazed at what one conversation can do) As each day passes after that he began to liven up...and started to eat a lot more than before
He even told me that he decided to try to improve his health to what it was before he got sick...
Now...as I look at him...he's so much happier....he was even singing to himself....
He was eating better and also starting to listen to me and my mum's advices....
I felt so happy for him...I'm so glad to see him this way...to hav my cheery grandpa back again!!

Praise Him!!

2005-10-16T23:34:00.000+08:00

As I was leading this week's worship for MYF...without realising I had this great feeling of joy and happiness...Although I had slept late the previous night and was tired for waking up early today...but upon driving home....I realised that I had this great feeling of joy in me....
And my mind kept playing the song by Planet Shakers, "Praise Him" which I chose as one of the songs for worship today.
Having the feeling of thankfulness and gratitude to God for all things, even the little stuff...its so amazing coz you'll be able to enjoy almost everything in front and around you.
I watched Oprah on TV reporting the Katrina aftermath and the things revealed were so sad... My heart just melted away watching the video footage they showed....
It seemed worse than I imagined from watching the news...people whom they could never save (terminally ill, the old man was perpetually shivering) were actually left to die in a closed area they call the morgue "in peace", parents seperated from the children, no food, no water, gang fights in the dome where thousands of people lived including children. How were they supposed to live?
Yet despite all those sadness...there were still love and compassion among the people...they helped one another, supported each other, while they themselves were also suffering. Despite everything, families began to pull together, became stronger....strangers help save others.... and prayers were said each day asking God for help. I believe healing will take place...and a stronger community will be built.

It's A BusY LiFe AGaiN!!

2005-10-05T11:37:00.000+08:00

Everyone's been asking, how come its been so long since you've updated your blog?
Well...its becoz I've been busy trying to adjust being back in uni again..
After giving up playing the organ and piano for church service, I took up leading MYF small group. Plus, I'm also a CG leader for the new semester students in uni.
Its a really new thing I'm venturing into, but its something I always wanted to do but just cant commit my time. Now, I've decided that I'll make the time and commit 100% in both. But it isnt as easy as it seems. Nevertheless, I know that it's not by my own strength but in God's only can I cope with everything.
A so called honeymoon semester as many call it, but too me, its a period of adjustment. And these periods are the toughest times of all. You'll feel that you're no where, wondering what lies ahead, wondering whether you'll be able to handle the challenges up ahead.
Having these thoughts aren't so bad, coz it keeps you on the alert and prevents you from being complacent but it shouldnt be allowed to turn into insecurities.
No matter what, in the end it's always God's promise that He'll be with me through everything that counts most. I'm glad that I have that to carry with me through every challenge or problem that I have faced and am facing.

HoLs OuT! It's BaCk To UNi..

2005-09-18T20:58:00.000+08:00

Holidays are over,

And its was really fun,

I wish it would never be over,

But its time to recover.

Time to recover,

From the laziness and holiday mode,

Time to recover,

And return to a studying mode.

Holidays are over,

Its time to embrace new challenges,

Never say never,

But embrace all that lies ahead.

ELECTIVE: KiCkBoXiNG

2005-08-29T00:29:00.000+08:00

Time flies real quick...I'm already entering my final 3 weeks of my semester break
It was great fun coz for the past month I was stress free from studies and also exams.. Although I just scraped through passing Sem 3..I'm just thankful that I won't have to resit my finals coz its even more traumatising sitting for a resit exam than the actual final exam itself..

Me and my close friend, Gowri joined by Jebbrine, Bryan and Kah Heng...we all decided to take up kick boxing classes for elective.. And when asked by other people, the reaction we often got was.."Wah! Don't mess with them!"..LOLz

Although it was scary for us as well coz we didnt know what to expect at the beggining, but after our trial class..we found that its really fun and we actually exercised!! We also had fun time laughing at each other especially when we were always grilled by the instructors to "Kick harder!More power!Punch harder!" more times than any other people taking the same class...
Being blur and all...we were also hit with many comments done jokingly...like "Punch harder, don't stroke it softly!It's meant to be hit hard!"

But after classes, although feeling fresher....muscles start to ache, tiredness take its place...
On the other hand, we also took the opportunity to go hang out after classes...and it was really fun too...I got to hang out with friends and chat with them, catch up with them coz I haven't really mingled with them in uni for a while...

Tomorrow's the final class for our so called elective purpose but we are gonna continue it coz we've enjoyed ourselves so far...Gotta get rest...

Genting Trip 26/07/05

2005-08-21T21:20:00.000+08:00

It's a bird!! No!!It's a plane!!No!!I Don't know!!
3 Gals Chilling Out..

Woohoo!!In the cable car..
Coffee TiMe!!

Getting on Genting Skyway..

TiOmAn RoCKs!!

2005-08-20T21:05:00.000+08:00

Wow...its been a while since I've been to the beach for a holiday...and thanks to my parents...I got to go to the beautiful island off Pahang just before entering Johor....Tioman!!
The island surrounded by beautiful corals and marine life which just captivates ur eyes...blue water, clear skies (away from hazy kl)...sunny days...sandy beach..
Rooms were kampung-like style..but we got a connecting room...and walking was a must coz the resort was really big...so just to get to the reception and restaurants would take about 4-5 minutes...But the good thing was its so quiet and relaxing..
The boat ride to the island was horrible...coz the engine was really noisy and i could still hear it ringing in my ears even after I got off the boat...and as usual...my hyperactive stomach was growling away in hunger so once I got to the restaurant which took hours to prepare my meal...I gobbled everything and even ordered for another bowl of tioman laksa...
Next day was exciting though...coz its my 1st time snorkelling!You see, I have this fear of things beneath the sea water...so I was terrified la...and the 1st stop...I didnt dare to move around on my own...plus my mum panicked on water and she got sea sick after that...and my dad had a hard time trying to breathe with the snorkelling goggles through his mouth..lolz
So the 2nd stop, one of the assistants on the boat joined us snorkelling and offered to take me around to see interesting marine life...before I could say yes or no...he took my hand and there we went swimming around...I was shaking coz I was really scared...but after a while..I began to enjoy myself...looking at the things below despite being scared of the things moving below...
The final stop, we actually went exploring round the small island surround by beautiful swordfishes and corals as well as other fishes...
Hooray!! I conquered my fears...and it was a great experience...
But then...my arms ached like crazy after that coz of the swimming and the kickboxing I did the day before we headed for Tioman...
Anywayz...it was all worth it...Haha!!I had great holiday with my family....and thats wat counts...

ReFLeCTioNs...

2005-08-05T01:30:00.000+08:00

Lying on my bed..walking down memory lane...I was looking back on how my life used to be...
I was always a person with really strong principals and in my eyes there was never a grey area. It was always black or white (right/wrong). And the world around me seemed always against me and I felt that it was way better to just be a loner...I always thought I dont need friends coz no one liked me anyway...and everytime I tried to be friends...I felt used...bullied...
As I progressed from one stage to another of my life...I realised it doesnt matter if I felt used..or if others would take advantage of me....The only thing that counts would be my values...and whether I am right with God...And, isolation from making friends...was just out of anger against the people who bullied me...
Later in life...pressures and expectations of what I would do in the future...exams...studies.... things like that came about...
People around me keep comparing me...judging my character and even my appearance...even my dream to be a doctor was challenged by them.....
"Medical school very tough wan...U sure u can handle arr?" I seem to get that a lot once they found out becoming a doctor was wat I intended to pursue...
Exams weren't a problem previously...but then suddenly at college level...everytime an exam comes along..whether its big or small exams....I get cramps...butterflies in my tummy...I loose my apetite..I hated it!! But I can't control my body's response...

Of course...I felt it wasnt fair...."Why do I have to fit in?Why do I have to live up to others' expectations of me?Why do I need to worry of what others would think of me?"
Well..guess who answered all of these questions?"GOD"..He thought me how to cope with these issues...How?
Worry about others thoughts of me would basically show my insecurities...so why do I have to be insecure if I know my identity in God?I'm His child and He loves me...what more can u ask for?
As for living up to people's expectations and be under their judgements...Its what human do...
They judge others to make themselves feel better about themselves...But being put into these stressful and pressured situations made me a much stronger person....more confident of myself...and also stronger in God bcoz He was the one who helped me through all the way...
Every single thorn that comes my way He is the one who heals all the cuts and pain...

"I do hope that whoever reads this would get some assurance and encouragement...that yes, we do live in a tough world...full of pressures and expectations...but if u believe in God and trust in Him...plus surrendering all that is bothering you...I'm sure that He'll show you the light to your dark path...just as what He had done for me..."

FRieNDs....

2005-08-03T01:12:00.000+08:00

Friends are important people in our lives so that includes me as well...
So far all my friends have placed a positive impact in my life....although sometimes there are disagreements, arguments, misunderstandings....along the way...
However, I find that a friend of mine has been at times really close to me....and we seem to have lots in common....so, it made me feel great to hav such a friend....
Then at times..suddenly...things just turn cold....the friend seem to have built a barrier in between us (the friend distants away from me) and it saddens me...Feeling dissapointed, I would also do the same and distant myself from my friend... thinking that maybe I did something wrong...or the person was tired of me...
The next moment....the friend of mine....approached me in close manner again....as if nothing had happened...things seemed normal again!!And I kinda felt this friend doesn't even know wats going on at all...
BUT is it trully normal?I don't know!!At first, I thought I was being overly sensitive about it and so...I decided to discard all those negative feelings away. Somehow, I couldn't help it but feel dissapointed or sad when it became a cycle that never ended..
I believe I was angry at the beggining..probably thinking how come my friend could be so insensitive..but as time goes by...i knew anger wasn't right coz it wasn't my friend's fault..
Honestly I had no solution neither I know why the friend of mine was that way bcoz the person doesn't even know wat was going on...
All I could think of was to look at things at a positive angle which was to continue to be a good friend but, at the same time do my very best in not letting my friend affect my emotions... although its something that I'm still struggling with currently...
"I really do want the best for that friend of mine...and I still do value the friendship we made..."
But I guess...things doesn't always turn out the way you want them to be...and I've gotta live with it!!

A LittLe SoMeTHiNG FrOm Me 2 U...

2005-08-02T01:19:00.000+08:00

I just wanna send this little message to my friends who happen to read my blog and are feeling down bcoz of life's stresses and uncertainties....I wanna share this with u coz I've been in the same position and God has brought me through it...and things tend to look brighter ever since...***Whether this would help u I am not 100% sure but it has brought me through a lot and I'm still carrying it with me...so I trully pray and hope it'll do the same for u***

Its ok to feel scared or stressed out on all the pressures around us....sometimes it feels like the world is against us although we have big dreams to help ppl and do good..."Will any uni take me?"..."Will I be able to succeed?"...."Should I take the offer?"...."Will I be able to cope and focus?"..."How will I do in exams?"....
These questions constantly play in our minds and surely at times they collect and overwhelm us causing stress...or even meltdowns...

We have to remember this is part and parcel of life's journey and these things are what makes us strong and successful...prepared to face the even tougher world ahead...So learn to take things one step at a time...REMEMBER ur PASSION....ur DREAMS....never let the fire fade away....ANd of course TRUST in God that He will provide u with everything up ahead according to His will...and also believe in yourself bcoz each person has his or her gifts and potential to do great things in life....

So remember that when things dont seem right or you feel squashed by the different pressures and expectations...hold on tightly to your goals and dreams....never give up and commit all those stuff that are pushing you down to God and "trust in Him that His plans for u are to prosper u and not to harm u..."

YaY!! NiGhTMaRe OvEr..HoLs ArE IN FoR ReAL...

2005-07-30T21:25:00.000+08:00

Hooray!!Wat a relief...!!The anguish!!The torturous waiting!!Finally it's all over!!
Praise God!! I Passed!!Although I only passed right at the margin....I'm glad that I dont hav to go through viva or resit...and all that had happened was a gift from God....
I could never have achieved or gone through all of these without Him...and He has brought me through every step no matter how tough or hard it felt....
Nothing can ever describe wat He did for me...All I can say and tell the world is He has been good to me throughout my entire existence in this hard core world....And he has made me the person I am today....Someone with a dream...to help others as a profession....
I will definitely keep the promises I made with God...and basically I am really and trully greatful to Him for wat He did for me...I'm just glad He gave me the opportunity to proceed to the next semester and be another step closer to achieving my dreams... ;p

HeLP!! ThE AnXiEtY is KiLLiNG Me!!

2005-07-28T23:53:00.000+08:00

The anxiety....the feeling of my heart fluttering inside of me...is preventing me from sleeping although my eyes are weary and waiting to close anytime....but everytime I close my eyes and try to sleep....I start thinking bout tomorrow...
RESULTS!!Did I PASS??Did I FAIL??Wat am I going to do if I fail?Would I be able to celebrate for passing and being able to move on to Sem4??How??WOuld I be able to accept the results??
I DONT KNOW!!
These things that keep running through my mind is such a mental torture....I just pray to God and hope that tomorrow my results would show me a pass...!!Pls...let this be true!!

God ShOwEd Me THinGs Aren't So BaD AfTeR aLL!!

2005-07-27T23:46:00.000+08:00

Feeling the way that I felt was always just temporary...Somehow...the feelings of anger, unappreciated, sad, dissapointment just died away....of course, a friend did play a role in helping to dissolve those -ve feelings...
Something just came to me...and I realised that it wasnt necessary for me to feel that way at all...It doesnt matter who is on the active side when it comes to helping others...neither does it matter whether my good deed was returned with gratitude coz I'm God's child....God is love and goodness....so I shall be that way too...
God helped me realise all those things....and I even felt so foolish for feeling that way in the 1st place...as for being cared by someone...I believe God will send that person to me someday...but for now....I'm great the way I am...and Thank God for making me the way I am!!

LiFe SoMeTiMeS LeT Me DoWn...

2005-07-27T22:31:00.000+08:00

I've never felt this feeling for a while now...the feeling of being left out...of not belonging.... Walking alone watching everyone pass me by...trying to stay composed and preventing myself from breaking down overwhelmed by those mixed emotions.....
I felt myself trying sort the turmoil of emotions running through my mind..."was it my fault?"...
"why did i allow it to happen?"....."why was I so nice when i didnt hav to be?"..."why am i feeling this way?It's silly!!"..."why am i so silly to put myself in vulnerable positions?"..."I wished I had someone who would comfort me...be the one who would try to care for me....and not me always on the active side alone"
At times I would feel myself being so gullible and simple....and silly....
Always tend to be the active one in caring for someone....even when ppl around me probably would not want my help....or even get intimidated by my eagerness to help...and finally in the end feel like i wasn't appreciated...but either way its my fault...i put myself in this position...

One DoWn..AnOtHeR to Go!! PaSS or FaiL??

2005-07-25T22:53:00.000+08:00

Today was the day viva list where students with borderline are listed to go for an aural exam was released...This exam is a 2nd chance for students who almost pass to Pass!! Going for this exam is superbly stressful and my heart was racing anticipating the release of the list this morning...

The agony of waiting is torturing but wat to do? Its all part and parcel of med school life...

Praise God that I wasnt on that list.....BUT!! WHen the actual results are out this FRIDAY.... it would be between PASSING or FAIL...Agony Over?? NOT!!

However looking on the bright side of things happening....its great to be surrounded by really great friends...who share the same feelings and support one another with love and encouragement....TimHo, TimChew, Victoria, Jane, Michelle, KhunYing, Matthew...

We spent time together shopping at Bk Bintang 2day...which was really fun....and then had a scrumptous steamboat dinner that filled me up to my neck and could not move....but the fellowship that we had was priceless...and I'm blessed to hav such great friends...

Tomorrow..we'll be going to Genting....along with THomas and Man Keat I think...and I'm sure it'll be great fun too...CAn't Wait!!

ExAm'S OvEr..but Nightmare isn't Over Yet!!

2005-07-21T21:41:00.000+08:00

I know that life is never easy...and lots of effort is needed to reach our goals...but the high goals I set myself at the beginning of med school seems to just drop to a level where all I wanna do is pass this finals and be able to continue progressing to Sem 4...

I never thought or dreamt that at this stage of my life...my ability to hold myself together...to stay calm and composed is simply lost...the anxiety and twisted emotions I feel wouldn't leave me even after countless times of telling myself to calm down and be confident...I keep feeling my tummy being squeezed and twisted...and my brain frozen...unable to recall anything....but still praying to God asking to stay calm and composed did help me a lot from falling apart....

Even after going through finals...I still can't believe that its done!! All I have to to now is wait for results to be released next week...but that's another nightmare coz looking at how things worked out during exam..where practically most of the questions asked were so tough plus stupid mistakes made along the way didn't help at all...

But in the end..I'm am thankful to God that He has brought me through this week...that I can

at least complete my exam...the rest is up to Him to decide for me...but I do pray that I'll be able to pass and proceed to the next level of med school...For now...I am glad to complete the exam.. coz it seemed impossible to me last week..

"and yet look where God has brought me...I know He will definitely never ever fail me!!"

In a Dilemma..

2005-06-22T20:16:00.000+08:00

Every person in Sem 3 rite now is going through the same thing...No time!!So much to cover!! And after completing the 1st part...progressing to the next...Oh No!!Forgot the 1st part I covered...Its really frustrating...
And having to memorise the life cycle and how each parasite and bacteria looks like just sucks away your interest...I really wish I had a super brain where I only hav to read once...I'd remember everything...
But life isn't easy...and it doesn't come easy at all...If we don't work hard then we won't feel the joy of success either....I'm trying to concentrate but distractions seem to come very often and its really hard even to focus...
I guess I need to push myself and make a commitment to put my very best...I seem to have lost my confidence in my studies bcoz everything I learnt this whole year...I cant recall...
I'm already anxious bout my last summative results...and now facing this big exam..failing is definitely a big NO...I cant afford to fail... I'll be 10 times more stressed out having to resit...I sure wouldnt want to put myself in that situation...
I know that God will help me through..I do believe..but the current situation I see myself in makes me scared of how things would turn out at the end of the day...
Deep down I know that no matter what..God is with me..He has always been there for me... I just pray that through this tough period...I wont waste my time anymore and I'll have enough time to finish studying..before finals sets in...
"Lord, pls help me not to be in panic or to feel anxious...but grant me the discipline and concentration as well as a good memory to be prepared for my finals in July...I commit everything into Your hands for I trust in You always...In Jesus' name...Amen"

JuSt PrAiSe RoCkS!!

2005-06-18T16:41:00.000+08:00

This week is the beginning of my study break before sem 3 finals but I cant seem to get myself to concentrate and study....I keep getting distracted and it feels so difficult to concentrate and focus...Haihz...
The highlight of my week was "JUST PRAISE"...it was great...all the youths of the church gathering together and praising God in the church sanctuary plus Juwita Suwito performing... It just feels so refreshing and I was amazed at how God works in our lives...
Growing up as a Methodist in church..it was mainly traditional...but to see God making the church a place appealling and relevant to youths today by creating opportunities for us to gather and praise God in a contemporary way...where we are free to dance, jump, raise our hands to Him... Indeed I believe that God is bringing revival among the youths of the church...and I definitely would not wanna miss out on that...
Plus listening to Wai Ming share about his vision on the youths of the church getting on the train prepared by God during MYF...made it even clear that indeed revival is here and is starting among the youths...

My SuPeRb & CrAzY WeeK

2005-06-13T14:31:00.000+08:00

Last week was a crazy week...mock OSCE was on Monday and GI exam was on Friday and I was totally not prepared yet...there were tons and tons of notes pilling up and it seemed impossible to finish...I felt my brain so saturated with info but at the same time the things I read were starting to seep out of my brain too....Arrgh!! Trying to cover everything before Friday...I've been sleeping within 2-4am throughout the whole week....plus during the day there were still lecs going on..
Friday finally came...although I was pretty exhausted but there was excitement in me coz at night it was GRIP (Good Relationships In Progress).It was an MYF camp in church during the weekend. But I had to go through the 1st hurdle which was my GI test...and boy it was hard... after the debriefing I felt that I had done quite a lot of mistakes...but its done and I cant do anything else about it...I'm just glad God brought me through the crazy week especially when He helped me through the mock OSCE which I was so nervous and anxious about. I tot I would not be able to perform but the Doctor examining me actually came up and told me I did quite well..."Praise God!!"
The best part of the week finally came and it felt so refreshing just to hang out with MYFers once again and had tons and tons of fun after a stressful week...Although it was tiring but I couldn't stop myself from wanting to have fun so the tiredness was perpetually just pushed aside...running around at KLCC for the treasure hunt was tiring and frustrating at times but it felt great when we finally finished the hunt..and well..our group couldn't believe that we actually won coz we actually finished last..
The talk by Pastor Sivin Kit was great too as he spoke on securing our soul with God and taking the leap of faith with Him..putting our trust and making a commitment to get serious with Him and let Him lead us through all the way...which was something I think I needed to hear since Sem 3 finals is just around the corner and stress levels are already increasing..
As a whole..God really blessed me with a superb week where everything just fell into place and I had so much fun...so Thank You God for the great week!!

2005-06-02T20:06:00.000+08:00

me and my best pals..

2005-06-02T20:03:00.000+08:00

Me..with the groom and the best man..

2005-06-02T20:02:00.000+08:00

MYF table..feeling hungry already

2005-06-02T20:01:00.000+08:00

All dressed up for the dinner at Marriott..

2005-06-02T20:00:00.000+08:00

Group pic!At W&E's wedding dinner

My LoNg LoNg WEeK...

2005-05-21T23:33:00.000+08:00

Its been a while since I've blogged...that was boz as usual..I was busy...
My parents went overseas for about a week and I had to take care of the house and be incharged of driving around picking and sending my bro and of course drive myself to uni...
Last Sunday was really fun and interesting coz I went out with uni frens (Man Keat, Sid and Jane) for lunch after church and later to SOGO to shop (after endless convincing from both Sid and Man Keat)...the funny thing was instead of the usual thing where guys would wait for gals when shopping this time, it was totally the other way around...
In the end I really enjoyed myself with the company of such great friends..(although helping Sid to decide which shirt to get was hard coz I had to convince him over and over again..haha..) but anyway that was one of the fun part...
As the week progressed I started to appreciate all the things my parents have been doing...even the small things like watering the plants..putting clothes into the washing machine...preparing food...doing all these things....not easy at all...
I'm proud of myself to be able to take care and manage things well, but of course not as good as my parents...but I'm really thankful to have such great parents...
The real dissapointing part of the week was when I got my results for haematology exam where I failed..and this is the 1st time..the worst part was that it was a bad failing mark...and it was my fault for not putting more effort in my studies
So...my aim now is to work hard and do my very best..wats passed has gone and I need to look forward and do my very best for my finals...
I just pray and hope that as exam gets nearer and nearer I wont be overwhelmed by fear or anxiety and that I would do well....

HaEmAToLoGY's OvEr!! Sem 3 FiNaLs...CoMiNg SooN!!

2005-05-02T01:03:00.000+08:00

Well..well..well....haematology systems over...this week's a very long week with a super scary mock OSCE (its a practical exam for med for those of u who dun know) in between haematology exam on friday...which was really hard and I really am so not confident in this test...really crossing my fingers and hoping for a miracle though...
Oh well...its my fault anyway for slacking in my studies...but I've gotta get myself right again...and start preparing for finals now although GI system is starting this week...which is the hardest system of the year...*SOBS*
This weeks another busy week...don't know why things always happen altogether in one big lump and I feel like I'm splitting myself into 3 or 4...in church..gotta help in MYF, play piano for choir, play organ for church..uni...of course studying...EXAMS!! I'm not complaining bout this..its just that sometimes I wish things would happen in a more spread out manner but on the other hand dealing with everything altogether would give me more time to rest later on...
Anways...new week..new system to learn..more activities...thats my life...
Guess thats all for today...

OnE MoRe wEEk...Till EnD oF HAeMaToLoGy!!

2005-04-20T23:50:00.000+08:00

Wow...one week has passed...and how time flies!! Tomorrow's holiday!!Yay!! Finally some
breathing space...can study...but there's so much to memorise!!*SOBS*
Well..gotta work hard lorr...but haih..keep getting distracted....
Today..i was happy coz I did well for respi test...Praise God!! So..waiting for dad to buy me a new handphone..hehe!!
But..when I was leaving the train area...I realised the destination is wrong...and the machine wouldn't accept it..so I went to the guard...and I told him that i can't go through..he looked at the ticket and he was like..'u got the wrong destination'...so I told him that I didnt realise..but it was the ticket guy at the station who gave me a wrong ticket...and he told me of saying that its my fault coz I didnt check the ticket..
Yes..I agree its my fault...for not checking..but...in the 1st place I was already given the wrong ticket...so it should be their fault..so I didnt want to make this a big issue and all I want is to leave..so..I asked him whether he could just let me go since the actual price is RM1 and the wrong ticket I had also costs the same...and he wouldnt let me..he just stared at me trying to make me feel intimidated...I was..but I acted i wasnt and stared back at him...
Finally I gave up...and I asked him..so wat u want me to do know..??..wat do I need to do..?? and he just grumbled on and on bout regulations...and stuff like that..in the end he said not to do it again and let me go...it made me so upset coz I felt treated in such a mean manner...but I guess thats life...!! All I can do is look forward to a new and better day...!!

Dealing with "simulated angry patients"...

2005-04-15T22:29:00.000+08:00

Hmm...this week.....was a long week and an exhausting one too....was not used to getting up early and well...twice this week i had to for csu and blood bank visit...
CSU was scary coz we had to do history taking and interview angry patients which was not easy at all...but i finally got through it thanks to my partner...who was brave enough to deal with the angry patient...I interviewed another patient who had silent anger which wasnt so bad...
I still cant seem to be able to show "empathy" according to the simulated patients and I dunno how to do that...guess everyone's struggling with that too...but I'll try my best to improve...
Blood bank visit was fun and I learn a lot more...the stuff I learn in lecture seems more relevant to me after listening to the talks given by the staff there...the sad part was they were rushing throughout coz we had a limited amount of time...I guess it was worth it to wake up early...
Well...getting tired now...need to recharge....ZZzzzzzz!!

Thanksgiving Sunday..

2005-04-11T00:19:00.000+08:00

As its a Sunday...like any other Sundays...we'll all be in church and today for MYF we were able to use the projector for the first time and thank God everything worked out well...and so its gonna be a permanent thing...later we had lunch together after church and had fellowship with friends...
The highlight of the day was the dinner where my parents' friend invited us for dinner to celebrate bday with a surprise party and also as a thanksgiving for all the successes and phases most of us has stepped into and thats why I called this a thanksgiving Sunday...its been a really long time since the whole bunch of close friends gathered together as one family and have fun...and it was great seeing how far each one of us has pulled through...although I was tired..I got to eat and eat and eat...till i was filled right up to my neck...haha..but the chocolate cake i bought was really good..so i couldn't resist
Well..at the end of the day...I just feel that I'm really lucky to have known all this people growing up in church..and how God has worked in each and everyone of our lives..and of course blessing us with this great friendship and opportunities to gather together...All glory and praise to God!!

What a Busy Day...

2005-04-09T23:40:00.000+08:00

Well...today is a busy day...although I still had the opportunity to wake up late this morning..hehe...slept late last nite...
Anyway..today I had meeting for my church youth group and we hadn't had one for 3 months already...so..we met up after lunch and we discussed lots of issues regarding the youth group.. but it lasted soo long...that it seemed so impossible to end coz there are so many things coming up which need proper planning and most of us are busy with our own work and studies...so that was a tough part...I tried my best to involve myself although I'm scared to take up lots of things due to my finals coming up..but I believe..God will help me with dividing my time..
I had to leave before the meeting ended coz it was my cousin's 12th bday and well..I thought I should be there to celebrate and spend time with my family..it was fun although most of them are kids..and last minute I had to organize the games...but in the end it feels great to spend time with each other and laugh together..plus I got to meet my "nephew"...he's soo...cute!!=P
Guess thats all..another busy day with church tomorrow...sleepy already..

New System...Haematology!!

2005-04-08T20:16:00.000+08:00

Well..just after a tiring week of cramming up for respi exam its time to move to a new system..Haematology....its only about 4 weeks again and its supposed to be one of the harder systems but hopefully i will be able to manage somehow...
I can't believe how far I've gone through in uni...now that i'm already in my 2nd year...I remember the times when I had to struggle and worry bout trying to get into med school and look at me now...here I am...in 2nd year...At the end of the day looking back it was God who brought me through all the difficult and stressful times where I just felt so pressured...I don't think that I would have persevered without Him by my side...Praise God!!
Somehow now..things are tougher and I'm worried almost bout everything especially finals in July which is soo...near...Gotta push myself and stop being lazy...=P
Anyhow I gotta take one things at a time and do my very best in each challenge I face..so wish me luck..!!

TeSt Is OveR!!YaY!!

2005-04-02T12:00:00.000+08:00

Yay!!Respiratory Test is over!!Finally its over after the few weeks of struggling to finish studying. Today was really fun coz I went out with 2 of my gal pals...shopping...they were going to prom next week so..i offered to go along with them...it was lotsa fun just chilling out together..hadn't had that for a while..(Mun Yee dun need to say sorry for not getting anything in the end..I had the opportunity to hang out so it didnt matter...I had fun!!)
When I got home..I was exhausted..and slept throughout...
Anyway..next week we're starting the new system already...haematology..which is gonna be tough...and sem3 finals is coming even closer...hopefully i can cover everything by then...
Gonna enjoy this weekend 1st before moving to another tough week...=P

The person I hold dear most...

2005-03-26T22:49:00.000+08:00

Every Easter...without fail my family and I would definitely go to Nilai Memorial Park after church coz tats where we'll go visit my grandma...the person I hold dear most but this time we went a day earlier.
My grandma has gone back to God for 5 years now and that day was the day I will never forget for the rest of my life. I dont know why but although I always thought I have moved on but everytime I'm there... looking at her picture, tears would fill my eyes even though I would hold on to them so that no one will realise. I guess its because I miss her a lot and many times I wished she was still around to see me progress through the different stages of my life.
She is the person I hold dear most because although we argued a lot and there were times I felt like I hated her...somehow love surpasses all and I still hold on to lots of memories of her spending time with me...and of course the temporary feeling of hate was actually because I loved her dearly and when she let me down (she was aging and her mind was not right sometimes) I got dissapointed.
Many people would think that grandparents are a burden but for me it never was. Just having her around at home, listening to her share her experiences and learning from my grandma, her cooking (love her cooking...the greatest!!).
My greatest regret was not telling her my true feelings and how much I love her before she went back to God...I remembered her telling me her last words although I was blur and didn't know. But after that, upon reflection....I realised she did expressed her true feelings before she died. No matter what, I am glad that now she's with God her true home and I will meet her someday...nevertheless she's always in my heart and I will never stop missing her.

Busy, Busy, Busy...

2005-03-24T01:07:00.000+08:00

Well...this is my very 1st blog...i got curious and decided why not try it out to post things bout myself....so here i am...
It has been a long week...and respiratory system test is coming up next week and boy...i dun seem to have grasped anything really...and its worrying me a lot as to whether i can finish in time....i really want to do well this time and not just pass like cvs...that was dissapointing....
Hopefully i do make it la...guess thats all for today...wish me the best of luck..

LiViNG LiFe 2 THe MaX..!!

BiTTeR...SWeeT

CooL FReNs aT iPoTs...BeSt CaMp YeT!! =)

iPoTs..OcT 2007

-VolunTeeRinG aT BeThaNY HoMe-

SeaSoN oF GooDBYeS...

BeiNG aT a PLaTeAu PHaSe??

WhaT HaVe I DoNe???

Surgery....I'm Done....!!

CHaNGe...INeVitaBLe???

Surgical Week...An encounter I wont forget

My FaB 21st...

FaMiLY MeD

New Week...New Challenges...

Home Is Where The Heart Is...

First Week In Health Clinic....

First Week In Health Clinic....

Rollercoaster???

Good News...

Life in C206 Seremban...

Life in C206 Seremban...

LEttiNG Go...=(

A THoRN STicKinG into My HeaRT...

BouNTiFuL BLeSSiNGs...

THe BeGGiNinG To An EnD...

Do BaD THiNGs ReaLLY HaPPeN iN THReeS??

PRe-EOS 5 STReSS

BuRNT OuT???

***DuST***

HiGH or LoW...??

A LiFe oF GRaTiTuDe...

Diabetic Nephropathy

Life During MSK isn't getting any easier...

A LeSSoN LeaRnT ThE HaRD WaY...

SKiN...

OaSiS 2

CoNFuSeD: Am I doing the right thing??

FaMiLY

My CNY 2006!!

"OASiS"

I HaTe ReNaL SyStEm!!

My MiSeRaBLe DaY...

MaLaCCa TRiP... AwEsOmE!!

God's Grace & Love..

My HoPe FoR ThE CoMiNg DaY...

Its ChRiStMaS DaY!!

CaNt BeLieVe IT!! Its Christmas!! Its the end of 2005!!

Boring...Boring...Boring...

GP PoSTiNG + PLANET SHAKERS!!

IRONiNG 101

A MeMoRaBLe DeePaVaLi LuNcH..

Post KKB Syndrome

I'M 20 ToDaY!!

THe AdVeNTuReS of KKB (24/10/05-27/10/05)

My BeLoVeD GRandPA

Praise Him!!

It's A BusY LiFe AGaiN!!

HoLs OuT! It's BaCk To UNi..

ELECTIVE: KiCkBoXiNG

Genting Trip 26/07/05

TiOmAn RoCKs!!

ReFLeCTioNs...

FRieNDs....

A LittLe SoMeTHiNG FrOm Me 2 U...

YaY!! NiGhTMaRe OvEr..HoLs ArE IN FoR ReAL...

HeLP!! ThE AnXiEtY is KiLLiNG Me!!

God ShOwEd Me THinGs Aren't So BaD AfTeR aLL!!

LiFe SoMeTiMeS LeT Me DoWn...

One DoWn..AnOtHeR to Go!! PaSS or FaiL??

ExAm'S OvEr..but Nightmare isn't Over Yet!!

In a Dilemma..

JuSt PrAiSe RoCkS!!

My SuPeRb & CrAzY WeeK

My LoNg LoNg WEeK...

HaEmAToLoGY's OvEr!! Sem 3 FiNaLs...CoMiNg SooN!!

OnE MoRe wEEk...Till EnD oF HAeMaToLoGy!!

Dealing with "simulated angry patients"...

Thanksgiving Sunday..

What a Busy Day...

New System...Haematology!!

DuST